Compendium Of Odd Experiences

[theavondon]

Every time I end up going to the Health Center on campus (something I did today), I run into this one girl, and I'm reminded of this story.

Okay, so, my friend Sara, who I used to work with, started working at the Health Center. I went in one day because I couldn't stop thinking about committing suicide (a longer, less odd, more sad story I'm not gonna go into) and she was working the front desk along with this girl that was actually pretty cute. Cute girl (who I found was named Annalise) ended up BS-ing, and a week later, Sara told me that I should "ask her out". So, I did. I got her number, and took her out to get ice cream. Ended up hitting it off, totally went super well. The next day we got dinner, and it went even better! We seemed pretty interested in each other, and I was pretty stoked on the whole thing.

So, then, two days later, we both had decided to get lunch between when I got out of class and when she had to go to work. We went to a Subway next to campus, and I made it there before and was just standing out front waiting her to show up. She pulls up in her car, and I notice a bumper sticker on the back of her car that said "RON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT". I kinda just figured it was like...maybe her parent's car? I dunno. So, we went in, got our food, sat down, and the whole time, the nagging thought in the back of my head was screaming at me. Just screaming,

"DUUUUUUUUUUDE, RON PAUL, BAIL, DUUUUUUUDE"

We start to eat, bullshit a bit, but the entire time all that's going on is that voice screaming

"DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE"

So, I finally let the voice through.

"So, you have a Ron Paul bumper sticker on your car."

"Uh, yeah!"

"Do you like...is it your parent's car?"

"No, it's mine."

"Huh. So...is it because of weed?"

"Hahaha, no! I just agree with his stances on states rights, y'know?"

"WHAT IS SHE, A FUCKING SLAVE OWNER? STATES RIGHTS? WHAT?"

"Wait, really? Do you think any of his policies are like, actually reasonable? The gold standard? Getting rid of the department of education? Really?"

"Well, I mean, he's out there, but he just seems like the only candidate that will actually change something."

"Well, I see. I mean, I think it's kind of endearing how Ron Paul supporters still have that kind of naivete where they believe one person can actually change things."

"I...gotta go to work."

So, we walked to the health center, things were kind of fine despite talking about politics (big no no for me), and she went to work.

Two days later, she texts me "Hey, I think we should stop seeing each other. Also, I'm going out with my ex again."







Yeah, she dumped me. For Ron Paul. Or because I'm an asshole.

But probably Ron Paul.

[tuffteef]

jebus no. i've been held up at gunpoint like 3 times. but nothing like that.

how'd it go down?

9 weeks in therapy

mainly because people started noticing i was doing really odd things
like not sleeping
increasing drug intake getting high out of my mind

i would like do all these really odd things

i didnt think it would fuck with my head like it did

it made relationships with certain friends stronger though finding out that they had gone through similar things though

[tuffteef]

Every time I end up going to the Health Center on campus (something I did today), I run into this one girl, and I'm reminded of this story.

Okay, so, my friend Sara, who I used to work with, started working at the Health Center. I went in one day because I couldn't stop thinking about committing suicide (a longer, less odd, more sad story I'm not gonna go into) and she was working the front desk along with this girl that was actually pretty cute. Cute girl (who I found was named Annalise) ended up BS-ing, and a week later, Sara told me that I should "ask her out". So, I did. I got her number, and took her out to get ice cream. Ended up hitting it off, totally went super well. The next day we got dinner, and it went even better! We seemed pretty interested in each other, and I was pretty stoked on the whole thing.

So, then, two days later, we both had decided to get lunch between when I got out of class and when she had to go to work. We went to a Subway next to campus, and I made it there before and was just standing out front waiting her to show up. She pulls up in her car, and I notice a bumper sticker on the back of her car that said "RON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT". I kinda just figured it was like...maybe her parent's car? I dunno. So, we went in, got our food, sat down, and the whole time, the nagging thought in the back of my head was screaming at me. Just screaming,

"DUUUUUUUUUUDE, RON PAUL, BAIL, DUUUUUUUDE"

We start to eat, bullshit a bit, but the entire time all that's going on is that voice screaming

"DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE"

So, I finally let the voice through.

"So, you have a Ron Paul bumper sticker on your car."

"Uh, yeah!"

"Do you like...is it your parent's car?"

"No, it's mine."

"Huh. So...is it because of weed?"

"Hahaha, no! I just agree with his stances on states rights, y'know?"

"WHAT IS SHE, A FUCKING SLAVE OWNER? STATES RIGHTS? WHAT?"

"Wait, really? Do you think any of his policies are like, actually reasonable? The gold standard? Getting rid of the department of education? Really?"

"Well, I mean, he's out there, but he just seems like the only candidate that will actually change something."

"Well, I see. I mean, I think it's kind of endearing how Ron Paul supporters still have that kind of naivete where they believe one person can actually change things."

"I...gotta go to work."

So, we walked to the health center, things were kind of fine despite talking about politics (big no no for me), and she went to work.

Two days later, she texts me "Hey, I think we should stop seeing each other. Also, I'm going out with my ex again."







Yeah, she dumped me. For Ron Paul. Or because I'm an asshole.

But probably Ron Paul.

my heart broke a little when you said you were suicidal
also dodged bullet.

[01010111]

Yeah, she dumped me. For Ron Paul. Or because I'm an asshole.

But probably Ron Paul.

It was totally the Ron Paul thing, those people are weird (and they're everywhere in Utah). I once stopped seeing this girl because she was an Ayn Rand fan. FUCK OBJECTIVISM, WHAT KIND OF HORRIBLE PERSON WRITES A PHILOSOPHY OF SELFISHNESS?

Anywho here's a story I remember:

A halloween a few years back I was hanging out with the band. We'd been playing that Zombies board game and telling scary stories. Actually, I was the only one who was telling any kind of scary stories, and where I didn't know any traditional folklorish ones I was telling the only ones I knew; my personal ghost story experiences (they aren't as interesting as they sound and they are impossible to write down).

I live in a tiny town called Benson. There are maybe 500 people here, and at night no one's on the roads, the stars are clear and there's an immense silence. Around one in the morning we decided to go down to the bridge. We were walking past a barn, when there was a sudden bright flash of red light. Being Halloween, we couldn't help but investigate, however we found nothing but some old, empty horse trailers. So, we continued to the bridge.

The bridge spans the bear-river and next to it there's a little dock with a little, pontoon platform on the water. We stood on the platform shooting the breeze and uneasily looking back at the barn. After a while we forgot about the barn. We forgot about my ghost stories. And everybody was awesome.

Then there was a huge splash! It wasn't like a beaver slapping its tail or something because the waves were big. I was still standing on the platform trying to see what was happening, there was still something big splashing in the water, when my friends were booking it back across the bridge to the house. As I ran across the bridge, water was showering onto the bridge (and the bridge was a good 15 ft above the water).

When we got back to my friend's house we realized that the light we saw in the barn could be connected to what happened at the water, so we searched the house in case someone with mal-intentions had seen where we had come from and were waiting inside. Then, one by one we searched our cars and drove home. That was all completely unnecessary and fear fueled, but we never did find out what was down there at the bridge...

[behndy]

tuffy teef - i'm sorry homie. that's rough. HUGZ.

avondongle - you better not do anything like suicide. you're way too awesome. i'd kill your little ass.

also, i read Soni's question about Ever Work With Undercover Trannies, flipped to this page, read RON PAULLLLL hella big in your post before anything else (fucking big letters yo. they are EFFECTIVE.) and before i could get through the second paragraph my mind had constructed a combination of your Cute GrrL story and Soni's Who's Got What question where you were out on a date with her and people kept yelling ROOOOOON PAUUUUUUUUUL at you as they saw you with her. in my head they were all people that had dated her before you. and were trying to warn you. because RONNNNN PAUUUUULLLLL was code for She's Got Man Junk Down Thar. like, Texas based mid op trannie heads up.

.... and i'm not going to lie. i was a little jealous.

but then it turned out to be something else. good read. just.... different.

WFS (which has been and forever will be acronym for What. Fuck. SHIT??!? to me. which, i guess is a very appropriate thing to say when having a peen pulled out on you when you weren't expecting it because.... you know.... BOOBIES.) - EEK. i. um. have a few ghosty encounters too.

to me, the Christian God Guy has always been like a huge ghost. maybe Big Poppa Ghost? Main Pimping Backhand Ghost? i dunno. something. but being where everybody goes when they get all dead and ghosty and him just RUNNING SHIT in heaven.... yeah. to me he's like Kingpin up thar. but with a better cane. FUCK YEAH DAREDEVIL REFERENCE.

um. but i had one time that i was on a beach with some friends, it was about midnight with no moon so dark as vegetarian poo. we were walking back to the car and one of my grrLs went, "oh SHIT. i dropped my pager.". fuck you. this was back in the day. when pagers were hellza expensive and there weren't cellphones yet. maybe car phones. how fucking stupid were those?

ANYWAYS. she had dropped it somewhere, we all started looking, but i mean. c'mon. it was on a beach we'd been all over and it was super dark and we couldn't see shit. i've always been pretty firmly agnostic. on a lark i said (in my head), "hey. um. if there IS a god deity thing, and you're cool with how i interact with you now but you want to put some doubt in me so i stay agnostic instead of atheist, wanna hook me up and let me find my bud's pager?", closed my eyes, took one big step and reached out. annnnnnnnnnnnnd my hand hit a square piece of plastic. and it was her pager.

and it kinda freaked me the fuck out for awhile. i was REALLY glad i qualified it with the Agnostic Not Atheist bit because i don't think i'd do well in church. but if i'd promised all that i'd have felt kinda obligated.

[snipelfritz]

I "kinda dated" a girl for four months who was hella republican and had pictures (or maybe just one picture) of her with Scott Walker (the INCREDIBLY CONTROVERSIAL governor). We sort of got along, never talked politics and if we did we both knew if was tongue in cheek kind of like two dudes supporting rival sports teams (for reference we met in a political science class).

I guess I should say I'm fairly liberal, lol. If that wasn't implied.

But damn, she had great tits and loved to fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

She also was really into cats. She didn't have any. She was just really into cats. Like...sexually. She liked me to meow when we were doing the do. And if we were still together I would be wearing whiskers and kitty ears while we fucked (that's not a joke).

Man, that was a peculiar relationship. It ended when I got really high with her neighbors (I only smoked weed with her a couple times but I don't think she ever inhaled properly). Later, we were making out and she said something like, "I think about you all the time. Do you think about me?" I honestly don't remember what I said, but I believe I said something to the effect of, "I don't think about you at all." Hoo yeah. Like I said, that ended things right there.

I'm sure if you search my posts from just over a year ago you can find this whole story right after it happened.

[tuffteef]

i didnt wanna make the topic like somber but yeah its weird and odd though right ?
how many people can say yo i was in a movie scene bank robbery

[Rob Fossil]

Years ago I used to inspect fire suppression systems. After I finished this one job I went to the store's manager to get my paperwork signed. I handed my pen to the manager and dropped the pen. As I went to pick it up, my ass bumped into the counter behind me and I was propelled forward and my face was buried into her crotch. Of course when you fall you try to steady yourself, so my flailing hands reached out and I grabbed onto the first thing i touched. Yep it was her ass cheeks. So once I steadied myself and stood up, we just looked at each other kind of shocked and there was and awkward silence until I said "I think in some cultures this means were married now". Luckily she laughed and was cool about it, but she wouldn't replay the security cam tape of the incident no mater how hard I begged.

[theavondon]

Oh, I ain't gonna do something like that guys. But, thank you.

Also, I love this thread due to just adoring long, bizarre stories. The best.

[Greenfuz]

your halloween story reminded me of something that happened to me


so I was in like grade 8 or something, and me and my best buddy were out trick or treating. People said we were too old, but fuck that free candy man. It was about like 10 pm or something like that, we had just finished up and went over to one of our friends houses to see if he wanted to come smoke some cigs with us at the skatepark. His family was super christian, didn't celebrate halloween or birthdays or nothin like that. None of us had phones at the time and his parents were sleeping, so I threw a little pebble at his window. Right as I did that, I heard a voice say "Asian's live there, they have the worst candy. Come back to my place and my mom will bake us some real nice treats." Me and my buddy were startled and turned around, to see an old lady in a witch costume wearing a blonde wig, with her grey hair poking out from beneath. Needless to say we fucking booked it as fast as we could

[behndy]

dood. free candy? free PUSSY.

and you KNOW with that amount of age and Hunting Chilrens Down experience that old layday would throw. the fuck. DOWN.

[Greenfuz]

I didn't want some hansel and gretel type shit to go on and get cut up into little bits and baked into some nice treats for the next unsuspecting kids

[behndy]

f'realz. i'm just being stoopid. booty is awesome, creepy times can end bad. but sometimes....... best to just go with it.

first time i ever got pegged was walking home from a show. it was over in Oakland and i was staying with a friend in El Cerrito (like an hour walk). i was in a weird and sorta antisocial mood so after i helped with loading all the stuff up in the Band Transpo Vehicle i skipped going with them to the after party so i could have some alone time. decided to just walk to where i was staying. these 3 drunk ass ghetto grrLs pulled up and started yelling silly shit. playfulness turned to genital boasting then got serious and we ended up at their spot. humpings ensued. during the mess that was Everybody Against Everybody one of them moved the strapon from her grrL to me and we went all Human Centipede for a bit.

i think we got to theirs about 2 in the morning, everybody was fluid depleted and passed out by about 5. i don't sleep much and i get mad wired from sexins so i was looking for some milk or peanut butter sammich makings stuff in the kitchen while they were sleeping and found a drawer with like 3 handguns and a bunch of hand cuffs. i didn't really know them or how they rolled or whatever and i was getting weird vibes about the restraints and weapons. sooooooooo i left a note saying thanks, everybody had so many NEAT parts!, and quietly let myself out. unfortunately this is before digi cams or cells were ubiquitous so i don't have any pictorial remembrances, just my head meat video player.

ended up about an hour and a half walk from where i needed to go too damnit.

[behndy]

posted this in the TB thread, but..... fuck.


holy SHIT it's been a weird day.

shit.

so. i buy like 80% of my purchases online. so i'm getting stuff delivered to me all the time. the mail people know i live right thar, if no one's here they drop off at my house. sometimes they do even if it's addressed here.
stopped at my house about 11, there was a big package on my doorstep.

i'm not expecting anything large, and it had a "Customs Form Filled Out Wrong" sticker on it, and they had my shop's address and Barbara Gomez as the return address. gave me a verrrry uncomfy feeling, so i took it to the shop, opened it carefully. it had wood supports for the box, then another box inside with thin wood on the inside. inside THAT....

was about 8 packages of vacuum sealed weed. proooobably a lb each. hella stinky when we slit one open. i was like, "um. call the COPS.". we did. they just came and picked it up, kinda acted like we were stupid not to just keep it.

my little brother is LIVID. lol.

"what? if you found a winning lottery ticket you'd just be all, 'humper dider DOO. this isn't mine. guess i should BURN IT.'??!? ASSHOLE."

[dubkitty]

in my head they were all people that had dated her before you. and were trying to warn you. because RONNNNN PAUUUUULLLLL was code for She's Got Man Junk Down Thar. like, Texas based mid op trannie heads up.