Compendium Of Odd Experiences

[behndy]

soooooo... one of the things that make all y'all that post on ILF so neat and interesting is the shit y'all come up with, or have been through, or dream about..... Sonideronstein has tickled me with his epic REM cycle studio shenanigans. there's so many awesome anecdotes or stories that are scattered everywhere.

i'd love to have one thread i could keep coming back to for Happy Giggle Time Making 'stead of having to remember where everybody dropped the lulz.

so. um. yeah.

gimme some.

[behndy]

hah! found it! this is the one that makes me want a collllllection. um. not just because it wiggles my Narcissistic Overdrive Tendencies in such a sechsy way. but also because BEAUTIFUL.

I had another dream where Behndy made an appearance... I was in a studio to record some music I was doing and they said the Bass Player is here and already making demands... I went into the live room and Behndy was sitting on a stool with a brown hounds tooth cabbie hat on no shirt or shoes with some old green jeans and some tan wool fingerless gloves... His hair was in two braids but it was wrapped around his neck Kung Fu style and he had a huge Les Claypool type Carl Thompson with a huge brown strap that had leather tassels and conchos with turquoise kitty heads in the middle... He was sweating and asking for the heat to be turned up so his feet could warm up... I stood there and was like "WTF dude why are you already causing trouble you just got here"... Behndy said "I don't care about this session cause the Disco tracks are what pay my bills, see" then he started playing slap bass and using the gloves to slide up and down on the bass real fast like some Yngwie shit going "See it's in the gloves man, the gloves"... I kicked over his 20x10 cabinet and said "I don't give a shit about the god damn disco gloves you're here to play Space Country like we talked about, got it"... Behndy stopped playing and adjusted his hair collar and said "alright, pick up the damn cabinet and I'll play the stupid Space Country"... I leaned the cab back up and looked at Behndy who was in a big huff mumbling about his gloves and left the live room and went back to the control room... I leaned into the talk back and said "this is Space Country song #3 take one, lets go Behnders" and he started playing the stuff we talked about so I started to roll a blunt and watch the levels...

Weird...

[sonidero]

YAY THREAD!!!

At work I deal with people and their TV's and such and we got a call the other day from one of our guys who works outside of TX in a close by Southern State. He showed up to do some work which sometimes involves us retrieving a code that pops up on the TV and he was unable to read the code... Apparently the TV still worked but there was a quarter sized hole in the middle of the TV that was in the same spot as our code... Our guy asked what happened and the home owner stated that "that damn Obama came on my TV talkin shit about America so I shot him in the forehead"... Everybody at work was super tripped out that someone would shoot their TV over something like that... I was more concerned about which brand of TV could take a bullet and keep on workin, does Timex make TV's??? Gotta love real people doing real things...

[behndy]

AWESOME.

hah. my dad has those airsoft guns (lots of gun love in this fam) to shoot around the house, had some targets on top of his old big ass rear projection tv. we told him that was a bad idea, he olaughdd. came over to the parental's house a few weeks later and there was a little spiderweb crack in the screen. he acted surprised when i pointed it out.

"how. in the hell. could that have got there?"

i used to deliver pizza way back for Round Table. we had one regular customer that was blind. one time she asked me to help her and...... cut her toenails. offered me a $17 tip.

yahp.

[sonidero]

I used to deliver flowers which was a cool job... One day I had a delivery in some Govt. Housing over by my house so I stopped by my place for a quick bowl then went over to the complex... It was real quiet and eerie and even though it was close to my hood I'd never really been there so I kinda walked around for a sec looking for the place... Halfway down the sidewalk through the middle of these barrack looking building comes running this wacked out toothless guy askin "who they for" when I told him he right "ova huya"... I followed him to the apt and the door was open with a tiny TV on in the front room so we knocked on the door frame and heard a lady yellin from the back... I tried to give this dude the flowers and book but he made me go into the back room to hand her the flowers... I said "flowers for Miss Whatever" and she said "back her honey"... I walked in this lil apt that was steaming hot and back to the room and when I walked in I saw a hospital bed with a 500+ pound women lying there watching another Tiny TV on her belly... I said "these are for you Happy Birthday" and tried to put them down but the only furniture in the room was the hospital bed... She said "oh just give 'em to me" and when I handed her the flowers and turned to run she said "hey baby I've been yellin all day for someone to come and take my slippers off, you think you could do that"... I looked at some huge pink slipper and started getting dizzy from the heat and the room and the bowl so I just yanked them off and let them fall on the floor said "thanks" and ran out... The dude was still at the door lookin fried and makin that "she's crazy" finger around the ear thing and I just smiled and did it back to him and ran to the flower van... I've driven by since and always wonder if she's still in there and who takes off her slippers now...

[ryan summit]

can i purge my mindless drivvle here
before i go into the other threads
and build segways to my prostate stories

[behndy]

yes please.

[snipelfritz]

Oh fuck, I have countless tales, but I'm terrible at recalling them for the sake of telling a story.

Also, I'm quite tired at the moment and wouldn't feel like typing any story out in a full, colorful stream-of-consciousness narrative like I like to. Just writing this post was difficult.

[phantasmagorovich]

Subscribed. I'll tell you about Hilda Breer once I get to work.

[behndy]

'm patient. for boooooth of youuuuuuu.

[MSUsousaphone]

So I'm a nice guy and always suck at breaking up with chicks. My first long term girlfriend thing happened in high school. Freshman to sophomore year. We were not meant for each other. At all. She likes country. I was into the punk scene. She'd be at a rodeo and I'd go to the local venue that was a renthouse called the Kilowatt Club. Bad stuff. We dated for two years and the last 18 months was me not knowing how to dump her. So I kinda got it in my head that it would be nicer to piss her off to the point where she dumped me. Right? Because it would be better to be mad than sad. Now, I was a little weekend pot toker at the time. Nothing major. Whatever a kid could get on a $10 allowance but I remembered her always saying she'd dump me if she found out I did drugs. So I told her I was doing coke and my friends backed me up. I'd never even been around the shit, before. Figured that was that.

The next day I get a call from her stepdad telling me that he's been there before and that he would be there to help me in recovery................

[tuffteef]

have i told you the story of when i was standing in the bank and people burst in with ski masks and held the branch hostage

[behndy]

jebus no. i've been held up at gunpoint like 3 times. but nothing like that.

how'd it go down?

[phantasmagorovich]

Ok, so I work as a journalist and sometimes you meet the oddest people. Maybe two years ago or something, I got a call from the German X-Factor, telling me that one of their candidates that actually made it to the final rounds comes from the little town I am in charge of. So off I go and see Hilda Breer, aged 82, who sang don’t cry for me Argentina in the show.
Miss Breer who never got married in her life started hitting on me right away which I actually found kind of charming. Sort of like a female version of the aged gentleman. But she was dead broke so I didn’t even think about playing along. After some time talking about her time in the Opera in South America she confessed that before she started the X-Factor adventure she had worked as a prostitute. “Older women are quite wanted by some people.”
We ended up checking out her blog with stories from the whorehouse and pictures of penisses. I got out quite dizzy but unfucked. Phew, I guess.

[sonidero]

HA that's kinda exactly what I would expect from an 82 year old German X-Factor contestant... Has anybody ever worked at a job with a person that you know for sure is the opposite sex of what they are portraying in public but none of your co-workers know??? Like those deep undercover types that got everyone fooled but you???