a new inlet in the shitriver of life

[friendship]

I'm interested in hearing stories from you about a time you totally changed the course of life, maybe by moving to someplace unfamiliar to you, or pursuing a career completely unrelated to the one you're in; in general taking a big chance on something new. I've never done this before and I think it's time to on account of I am brutally depressed.

I'm living in the same city I went to when I graduated which was chosen more or less because I knew some people there and didn't know where else to go. After 10 years I'm finally working a job that allows me to be comfortable financially, but there's no upward mobility in it and not something I take satisfaction in. I had been living hand to mouth until now, so this is the first real opportunity I've gotten to ask myself what I would like to do. I spent my life working on music but that never went anywhere and I've accepted that it's not going to and it's more fun as a personal hobby anyway. So I want to move somewhere new, do something new, completely change my life which has been stagnant for years now. I'm single and don't have kids so I have the luxury of cutting and running in that respect.

I was hoping hearing some of your stories could give me courage to choose a different life for myself where I might be happy.

[D.o.S.]

I moved continents with the full knowledge that I would have to abandon my job (which I love and is comparatively easy and high paying) with the non-zero chance that I would never acquire one that suits me quite as well, make some massive sacrifices as far as personal comforts/gear/, and generally abandon regular contact with most of my friends and family to live with a woman I met by chance at a music festival.

And it has been totally fucking awesome. I don't regret it for a second. Going places and doing things is a great way to get out of the sort of lifestyle rut you're expressing. I'm not sure if he'll see this thread, but FutureSailors would have a lot to say on this topic, I think.

[01010111]

I've been thinking about this exact same thing. It seems like it's almost random what people end up doing.

There's a guy who worked as an engineer for an aeronautics corporation, he entered a Steve Martin look-a-like contest at a party and won. Then decided he wanted to make people laugh for a living. 20 years later he's Bill Nye The Science Guy.

It's nuts, but it seems like it's completely motivated by luck and your own willingness to try new things

[Strange Tales]

Gonna keep a good ol' look in this thread but I'm really trying to put all the pieces together so I can do this within the next year. Fuck the creeping oppression of being stuck in a place you hate.

[John]

Wherever you go, there you are. You have to properly pair some internal change with the external change for full effect. That said, it is far easier to change one's habits with a fresh environment. It's very hard to change in front of people who've known you for a while, as you have to do it despite their expectations.

[oldangelmidnight]

I was in my twenties and I'd only had a couple of dating-type relationships and one long-term. I was really very satisfied being single but I posted an ad online (OK Cupid) just to see if there was any fun to be had. I met the woman who is now my wife and it was an absolute statistical anomaly how perfect we are for each other. The risk I took was in posting personal information and in making myself emotionally available. It paid off very well.

I met my wife when she was in grad school and she was planning to leave after. She invited me along and I decided to move away from living with friends and a very comfortable job. I found another job that was not quite as comfortable but fine for a while. I'm living in a place where I don't know much of anyone and I haven't taken the time to make local friends. On the balance, I am happier having done it because I'm in a better place and I'm more likely to meet people I like when I have time to get out.

I'm transgender. I've had some feelings that way since around puberty and it wasn't until I was in my twenties that I started examining it and coming out to people. It wasn't until after I was married that I decided to transition. It all took a lot of thought and planning but it still felt like a huge leap into the unknown. After the terror of telling my friends and loved ones, there has been very little drama about it and things have just been very easy.

My wife and I were ambivalent about children when we got married but after living together for a few years and thinking about the kind of future and family we want to have, we decided to have kids. It was the kind of decision that is impossible to really prepare for but we knew that going into it. It's the kind of commitment you can't back out of. I'm still not sure it was the right decision but there are moments of great joy and hope.

It's always a step off a cliff. You have to summon your bravery and proceed. It helps if you have people who can help and hold you to your decisions. But habits are an enemy and habitual relationships won't help.

Find courage.

[comesect2.0]

im nomadic and move all time, floors to couches,
where the wind blows, thats where I go, im a loner, a sorry entertainer.
california, newyork, arkansas, and all over the great 9th layer of hell called texas.
workin shit jobs, schools bored me, meeting people on the street.
im a greyhound bus ridin man, I dont have a future. Just lookin for love in all the wrong places.
long as your free and happy, go a searchin, and ye shall find.. know thy self and in good time, it will find you.
money wont last forever, so lookin for somthing maybe an at home job but i dont think that will work...no real set or good lookin future.
may one day just sell everything / throw it all away and disappear.
unless...........im waitin for a perfect storm, when synchronicity is on your side and world collide, spirits guide.

[friendship]

Wherever you go, there you are. You have to properly pair some internal change with the external change for full effect. That said, it is far easier to change one's habits with a fresh environment. It's very hard to change in front of people who've known you for a while, as you have to do it despite their expectations.

This is my big fear aside from the financial instability--that I'll go somewhere else only to find I'm just as miserable or moreso, and that I wasted all that effort re-rooting myself for nothing. Unless I stay rootless like comsect. There's only one real way to find out though.

DOS and old angel have some inspirational stories though. I would be losing my shit with just the stress of having to move apartments. I am a very stable and capable person.

[Olin]

Wherever you go, there you are. You have to properly pair some internal change with the external change for full effect. That said, it is far easier to change one's habits with a fresh environment. It's very hard to change in front of people who've known you for a while, as you have to do it despite their expectations.

This is completely true and something a lot of people miss. I've moved country/continent a few times for this type of thing, and while it's been various levels of difficulty in different countries (Poland is a little harder to live in than Canada), it's been a move because of things going on in my life and money is usually a secondary concern and as long as there's enough to eat, it's okay. I don't know about other folks here, but usually when you're at the point where you're ready to leave everything you have behind for the most part, chances are it will be harder to stay where you are than moving on to somewhere new; the challenge of a new country can be a great distraction.

[samzadgan]

much like DoS...i made a move about 10 year ago. I got married to my wife, and after a year we left everything in Australia...i quit my job, she sold her book shop and we moved to London. We had a bit of spare cash, but we just did nothing by enjoy ourselves for about 3 months. Also...we made the move in early 2009...when everyone was desperate to find work, especially in my field (finance), there were more people losing jobs than getting new ones.

I was able to stumble into a job through a long lost connection pretty early in my job search, and my wife had a few interesting jobs before we had our first kid...and then a second. But the point is, we did it...lived in some cool parts of London...traveled throughout Europe and met some great people, and basically enjoyed every minute of it.

We moved back to Australia a couple of years ago...and the 6-7 years we had in London was the most amazing time of our lives...just the two of us, and having 2 kids with no family to help at all.

Looking back it sounds pretty daunting, but when you're in it, you just do it and as a result I think you become a stronger or more resilient person.

[oscillateur]

I moved to Japan from France a bit more than 7 years ago, for work. I wanted to go somewhere but thought I would end up in California or Quebec, where most game companies are. I had a few interviews with interesting companies (botched the one for Lucas Arts pretty well though ) but nothing made me want to move right away. And then I saw that a company I liked in Japan was looking for exactly my profile at the time, hesitated quite a bit and then finally contacted them. They hired me and I moved there a few months later. I never went to Japan before, had no specific interest in the country/culture and no idea if I would fit there...

But well, I liked it enough and stayed. Somehow the 2011 earthquake/Fukushima disaster made me want to stay even more. And I met my (now) wife a bit later, by which point living there it was definitely a long term thing. Because of my expertise/experience I have no problem finding jobs and now I even have a Japanese/French son .

So yeah, overall moving to another place might have been the best decision I ever took. I kinda regret not having done that earlier. Living in another country, another culture, is something that everybody should experience. It makes you consider many things differently. Ending up in a different environment, with different people and different ways of doing things can also be a good way to cleanly "reset" a lot of things, if needed.

[raj007]

I'm from Southern California. But during college I wanted to get out...try something new. While I love my parents, they've lived in the same spot all their lives and I wanted to experience more.

Graduated Undergrad when I was 24, moved to Massachusetts for Grad School...things was, I met a girl about 6 months before moving and she was heading to Grad School in Texas. I didn't want to meet a fucking girl before this big change, but it happened. So I went to MA and she went to TX. I spent a semester and it was the most depressing 5 months of my life. Dayyys without speaking a word to anyone. It wasn't just because I missed my lady but the program blew major ass.

So, I bailed on MA, moved to TX, got a job and continued my schooling there. I married the girl. Her program required a one year Internship elsewhere so ...we had a 5 week old baby , packed up, and moved to St Louis...leaving the support system we built over 5 years. So here we were, new parents, totally on our own in a new city...with a very, very tight budget.

Somehow we survived that year and she got a Fellowship/Job in Georgia and that's where we are now. But we plan to move westward sometime in the near future. It's been a fucking journey, and sometimes incredibly stressful, but each place I've been since CA has made me learn something about myself--has brought new friends--and I don't regret shit.

Getting outside of your comfort zone can do a lot for you as a person because making it through "the struggle" is satisfying. Shows strength. Character.

Go for it dude. See what else is out there. You can always move back "home" in the future.

See what else you're made of.

[JonnyAngle]

I'm not that exciting.

[friendship]

It sounds like for most of you an opportunity presented itself in some way. I know you can't always rely on that happening, but I almost wish something fell into my lap because I don't know how anyone decides what to do or where to go to do it.

[D.o.S.]

Then go visit some places you think you might like to move and see what happens.