Lets talk about rape for a second.

[SPACERITUAL]

Im a rape survivor. When I was six I was abducted, raped by several different men, beaten, and very nearly died. As a result of this I've dealt with PTSD as far back as I remember. Its a bitch too, it puts hate in your heart like most people just can't understand.

I know the guys here that have been around long enough have seen me lash out on multiple different occasions. Ive developed a small substance abuse habit and some formidable alcoholism. I have problems maintaining any kind of permanence in my life because I oftentimes feel like there is aggression behind others that most of the time isn't there.

This is a subject that has come up a lot on this board and Ive always been conflicted on how to weigh in on it. I don't really know how to put it into words for people who haven't been through it but I can speak to my fellow survivors. Ive been to all the groups and I've heard all the bullshit. The thing everyone gets hung up on is that this type of thing can be prevented. It can't. No amount of education or awareness can stop another humans genetically decided predatory instinct once their mind is made up. Thats the nature of a predator, they wait and they find a way. They don't have remorse because their action is, to them at least, not only justified but theirs by right to take.

Its my belief that, as a survivor, all you have is the truth of what happened and the hate in your heart to take action. If someone did this despicable thing to you, you have the responsibility to do everything you can to confront them and stop this happening to others. Don't ever forgive and don't ever forget, find the strength to make it stop.

[D.o.S.]

So when I give you a hug in a month don't freak out, k?

[Chuckchuck]

An ex-gf was raped; for some reason she wouldn't report the coworker who raped her--to the police or the employer. I just couldn't understand why not but she didn't want to deal with it at any level but she did try to forgive him because he apologized. As odd as that sounds to me I have to respect that but he still needs to pay no matter if he's forgiven in her eyes.
For the record, I'm all for corporal punishment--namely castration--for rapists who are caught in the act or proven guilty without absolutely no doubt. If not castration then cutting off the dextrous-hand.

[Chuckchuck]

Or smash their skulls in with small stones over a long period of time.

[ritz]

Thanks for sharing, Spaceritual. I really believe that talking about these experiences is an important part of dismantling rape culture.

The thing everyone gets hung up on is that this type of thing can be prevented. It can't. No amount of education or awareness can stop another humans genetically decided predatory instinct once their mind is made up. Thats the nature of a predator, they wait and they find a way

I think I agree with you that once someone has reached that predatory place there is nothing that can really be done to pull them back. But I also believe that people are capable of genuine remorse. Even monsters can desire redemption. The really important question for me is how do you prevent people from getting that damaged in the first place? As much as I want to give up on humanity at times, I don't, you know?

Don't ever forgive and don't ever forget, find the strength to make it stop.

Healing is a journey. Do it in the way it feels right to you. I had a lover who suffered from servere PTSD as a result of multiple instances of rape and abuse. Healing for them is a lifelong process. Eventually they reached a point where they were able to forgive their rapists and abusers, all of them, and that was a profoundly healing turning point for them. They had a kind of mystical experience where they saw that all the people who had hurt them had themselves been people who had been severely hurt or abused by this world. It really freed them to be able to finally forgive, after decades. Not saying that's right for you right now. I think I'm trying to say be open to your healing changing over time.

Hope none of this is out of line

[Sparrow]

thanks for sharing that. you - are Strong.
i want to type more words.
Hugs.

[friendship]

I admire you very much for sharing your experience. The dearth of understanding in our culture that facilitates rape and marginalizes rape survivors is physically nauseating.

I know this is some celebrity ish and I don't want to take away from the personal here, but it blows my fucking mind how many people assume Kesha is lying about being sexually assaulted. Like it's somehow easier for them to believe that she would invent this elaborate, humiliating (via the consequences of the awful stigma against survivors of sexual assault) story rather than believe someone in a position of power and control over her might abuse that power. Meet enough Hot Shot Producers and other music industry shit heads and you have no trouble at all believing her story. The stories women have told me about their experiences with men in the industry chill me to the fucking bone.

I hope bringing up this news item doesn't devolve your thread into an argument that specific issue. I certainly don't have a lack of personal anecdotes to relate to the issue, I just thought I'd use something recent others would be familiar with to make my point.

Anyway thank you for being open and honest about your experience.

[D.o.S.]

I know this is some celebrity ish and I don't want to take away from the personal here, but it blows my fucking mind how many people assume Kesha is lying about being sexually assaulted. Like it's somehow easier for them to believe that she would invent this elaborate, humiliating (via the consequences of the awful stigma against survivors of sexual assault) story rather than believe someone in a position of power and control over her might abuse that power. Meet enough Hot Shot Producers and other music industry shit heads and you have no trouble at all believing her story. The stories women have told me about their experiences with men in the industry chill me to the fucking bone.

I mean this is just as much of an assumption as what you're railing against, in some ways.

Not to take a side in this discussion (and this certainly isn't meant to be a #NotAllHotShotProducers stance), but anecdotal bias is anecdotal bias and it's not as if one is more legitimate than the other.

[friendship]

Of course it's just as much of an assumption. It's what I consider a more probable scenario in the realm of speculation that I'm addressing. I said, in different words, it's much easier for me to believe her story than his, not that I know the truth.

[casecandy]

Thanks for sharing your story Space... I don't know if we'll ever get to hang out IRL, but virtual hugs, bro. Fucking sucks. Some people are scum and there's no way around it. Can't imagine what it's like to go through that.

Reminded me of this scene in Dark Knight Rises, "anger in your bones," etc., pretending to smile. I work with a lot of students who've gone through things that have loaded them up with that kind of anger

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfqYdon7hSw[/youtube]

[popvulture]

Massive hugs, man. I don't know what else to say, other than that I'm really honored that you're talking about it with us. The fact that this little community is so nurturing always makes me feel good, and I hope it does the same for you.

[Cisco]

Six? I have no words other than my heart goes out to you.
I can't even begin to fathom anything like that.

[GuitarSlim101]

Thanks for sharing, Space.

Hugs. Many hugs.

[tremulant]

You're a trooper, space, really. Even if other forms of abuse (substance or otherwise) have come into your life. I can't weigh in as a person with an experienced viewpoint on the matter except I did have an ex that was raped at the same age.

One thing she told me that I always found almost incredulous was that she said she forgave him (in this case her uncle).

Most people that genetically are disposed to doing an act like that chances are had some sort of horrible abuse done to them as a kid, too.

Which I always found sort of counter intuitive but what do I know. I remember she said that she forgave him because fuck him. Forgiving her was one thing he never would do, so by forgiving, in her eyes, helps to breaks the cycle of abuse. Abuse being an overarching concept - not saying you would rape someone at all.

That said it wasn't like a light switch where all of a sudden she felt like a different person, she also had some serious substance problems at the time but it at least was this first step in this Rocky boxing training montage that is life if you choose to look at like that.

Be a better man than your hero, let alone an enemy.

[Eivind August]