Can any one relate?

Bearstripes · Post by **Bearstripes** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 12:15 am

Dear ilf,
I am a sometimes poster mostly lurker looking for I guess advice.

This is weird but I'm gonna say a bunch of stuff cause I have no one else to say it too and I need to talk about it. I really hope there is some one here who can relate with me.

Long story short I am a 22 year old father of an amazing 2 year old son! He's awesome! Bit I'm having trouble coping with reality of being a father.

My whole life I've loved music and started playing on bands in high school some of which have gone on to do cool things. My drinking and having an actual relationship/social life held me back a lot. So all of my projects either moved on or fell apart.

Me n my girl had a kid and music took the inevitable back burner and now here is where I stand.

Not sure how to balance all of this. I have a driving desire to go on and ah again and while I try to join projects they dj t work out cause of the incompetence of others or to my rough schedule. I wanna know how other people do it. I'm kinda close to wits end with this and I wanna know what it's like for others.

Mostly drunken rambles right now but I just need to talk to people Other than my friends who are no help.

How do I balance it all and keep myself happy I've been strolling along with this for the past two years and am bit sure how to keep up with everything.

Again drunk ramblings, please don't hate. I just want to know what other people do honestly.

Can anyone relate?

Iommic Pope · Post by **Iommic Pope** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 12:21 am

Dude, you're 22, your son is 2. It'll get much easier within the next 12-24 months.
You have plenty of time.

I know your feels, though.

Greenfuz · Post by **Greenfuz** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 1:58 am

I never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever wanna have kids

I'd get a vasectomy right now but the fuckin assholes won't do one unless you're old as fuck or are are married/have a bunch of ankle biters already

snipelfritz · Post by **snipelfritz** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:23 am

Greenfuz wrote:I never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever wanna have kids

I'd get a vasectomy right now but the fuckin assholes won't do one unless you're old as fuck or are are married/have a bunch of ankle biters already

+1

The guitarist in my new band has a 1 year old and he's 23. I don't get the feeling the baby is that much of as issue as it is staying with the girl he knocked up after knowing each other for less than two months.

Seriously, wearing dose rubbadubdubs, if I was actually getting laid lately.

Iommic Pope · Post by **Iommic Pope** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 3:25 am

Thanks for weighing in guys.
That was real helpful.

In all seriousness OP, the first few years are a large sacrifice. The fact that you are pumped up and wanna do stuff is testament to the fact that you will, eventually.
It just takes some patience.

Hyphen Nation · Post by **Hyphen Nation** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 4:11 am

Yeah. You are young and the kid needs you. I found that having a kid made me practice/play more. I just shifted how I was playing. I played my acoustic to him for about 2 years solid. In the last two years, I've finally gotten to the place where I can picture starting up a project again.

Right now [and yeah, for the next year or two] band projects may be hard to rally. The flip side is your kid is only young once. Be a man and be there for them, or at least be a source of stability for your girl who likely is doing most of the heavy lifting. I know my wife sure did/does. Here is your chance to focus on practicing, writing songs, and also help sooth and entertain the kid. You'll draw on it in two years when you have more space to get back into the world.

That being said, I totally feel you. I have an incredible almost-6-year-old, and he's amazing. My wife and I also just remarked tonight at how much work it really is. Parenting looks really good from a distance. Parenting in real life = full time job. You aren't the first to have these feels. You aren't alone in inner conflict, let me tell you.

Bearstripes · Post by **Bearstripes** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 10:02 am

Oooooooo so I did this last night.

Thanks for all the advice/comments. Apparently i was pretty drunk last night and did this. Oops

But hey thanks .

To everyone who said cool things tho thanks having kids is rad and I know that I'll get back to music eventually. When I get drunk I get all sad and weird about stupid shit like that. It's mostly stress about figuring out what I'm gonna do with my life but again thanks

echoraven · Post by **echoraven** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 10:03 am

Greenfuz wrote:I never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever wanna have kids

I'd get a vasectomy right now but the fuckin assholes won't do one unless you're old as fuck or are are married/have a bunch of ankle biters already

Call around. Someone will do it. After my first born, I wanted one but was told they wouldn't not do it unless I had 2. Made many phone calls and finally found one that simply said "show me the money, then your balls", been nearly 20 years no regrets.

echoraven · Post by **echoraven** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 10:07 am

Hyphen Nation wrote:Yeah. You are young and the kid needs you. I found that having a kid made me practice/play more. I just shifted how I was playing. I played my acoustic to him for about 2 years solid. In the last two years, I've finally gotten to the place where I can picture starting up a project again.

Right now [and yeah, for the next year or two] band projects may be hard to rally. The flip side is your kid is only young once. Be a man and be there for them, or at least be a source of stability for your girl who likely is doing most of the heavy lifting. I know my wife sure did/does. Here is your chance to focus on practicing, writing songs, and also help sooth and entertain the kid. You'll draw on it in two years when you have more space to get back into the world.

That being said, I totally feel you. I have an incredible almost-6-year-old, and he's amazing. My wife and I also just remarked tonight at how much work it really is. Parenting looks really good from a distance. Parenting in real life = full time job. You aren't the first to have these feels. You aren't alone in inner conflict, let me tell you.

Great post. The only thing I can add to this is technology. Use it. If you have some ios device you can use it to record, jam whatever and that will help with scratching that musical itch. You don't have to stop being you, you just need to evolve. If you do the right thing, it is something you'll carry around for you forever. Being a man instead of a mere male is a wonderful feeling and I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world.

aens_wife · Post by **aens_wife** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 10:17 am

I seriously don't know how Aen and I lived through the first few years of parenting. It is so hard. I promise it gets easier. Our kids are 11, 9 and 6 now and both of us can go out, play music, etc. We were 20 when we had our first and, looking back, it was the absolute hardest thing ever.

Now, the bands falling apart thing...that doesn't really ever change. lol. That part always sucks.

Wes Mantooth · Post by **Wes Mantooth** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 10:31 am

Someone I went to high school with got a vasectomy at 21, he had no kids

skullservant · Post by **skullservant** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 10:42 am

I'm really excited to be a dad in November. I know that I'll probably not have much time to do much else other than care for him, but that's okay with me and I'm looking forward to it. I mean, as it is with building and all, I only get maybe 2 hours a week to actually play music anyways, I guess I'm just used to it.

aens_wife · Post by **aens_wife** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 12:20 pm

skullservant wrote:I'm really excited to be a dad in November. I know that I'll probably not have much time to do much else other than care for him, but that's okay with me and I'm looking forward to it. I mean, as it is with building and all, I only get maybe 2 hours a week to actually play music anyways, I guess I'm just used to it.

I think that is the difference between having kids super young and having them when you are a full fledged grown up. It doesn't bother me now like it did at 23.

skullservant · Post by **skullservant** » Wed Sep 10, 2014 12:41 pm

I'm only 24

but I totally understand what you mean. My wife and I dated for 8 years before we got married, so we certainly talked about starting a family for a long, long time during the course of dating/before we got married, and we waited 2 years after I graduated school and a year after we got married before she actually got pregnant. Part of me knows now that no one could ever say they are 'fully ready' to be a dad, but I think at least our timeframe of things really helped me mentally prepare as well.

Dr. Sherman Sticks M.D. · Wed Sep 10, 2014 4:42 pm

i can't totally relate cuz i don't have kids, but life can get in the way pretty easy sometimes too. (not exactly the same i know)

anyway, what i came here to say is, where theres a will theres a way. & music is a beautiful thing to share with/pass on to your kids!
i've been told that my mom used to play classical music for me & my bro all the time when i was a wee one.

suzuki method nucca!! lol

ilovefuzz.com

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