Fucking Heroin

[devideva]

My friend has gotten hooked and he hides it pretty much. He went out with a heroin whore for a year after Katrina hurricane and they were like Sid and Nancy. I thought he never got hooked because he's poor. They broke up and I figured it was over with the heroin. Yesterday, he disappeared while we were drinking beer, and a half an hour later he came back and was totally fucked up. It wasn't funny. It totally changed his personality and I could tell he wasn't even having fun. He looked totally tense, was sweating, serious, really not like him. I worry. He's not the kind of guy to even strain his junk. He will shoot anything even extended release shit which goops up. Fuck. He's my only friend.

[Bassus Sanguinis]

Sad, that's what it is, unless he comes clean.

[Deltaphoenix]

Yeah, that shit is a bitch, hopefully your friend eventually gets sick of it and finds his way into NA.

[devideva]

He's not going to come clean. I have known him his whole life. We're far from kids by now. I watched him do coke, then crack, then pills, now heroin. He has risen through drugs like most people do grade levels. What blows me away is his wife has no idea. She is totally blind.

I told him for two years I wouldn't talk to him until he stopped. He kept calling and calling. I finally relented and he told me he quit. Though now I see that's a lie. His brother is diabetic and used to needles and started on heroin about ten years ago. So he has a brother who is further muddying whatever possibility he has of getting straight.

I am complaining here because he thinks he's so smart nothing can touch him. He has weaselly reasons why it's okay for him to get poked. I need to start programming him to think getting shot up is like taking it in the ass. I'm going to start feeding him that image.

[Deltaphoenix]

You can't save him, stop being Co-Dependant and take care of yourself. Nothing you say or do is going to make him quit, it is up to him to decide to live.

This is coming from an ex-Junky (4 years + clean).

[bigchiefbc]

You can't save him, stop being Co-Dependant and take care of yourself. Nothing you say or do is going to make him quit, it is up to him to decide to live.

This is coming from an ex-Junky (4 years + clean).

+1 - You haven't really described him doing anything that would ruin his life. Especially since he has a wife that doesn't even know. Sounds like a pretty functional junky to me. You can't make someone kick unless they want to. And if it isn't fucking up his life, then he probably won't want to kick it. There are functional drug users out there, not everyone becomes as a useless sack of shit. I would say that you should let him know how you feel, and then either drop it or stop hanging out with him if you can't handle it.

Probably not what you wanted to hear, but I'm not going to judge you OR him.

[devideva]

Neither he nor I are entirely functional even as non-users. So functional isn't really the issue. It's true, the issue is really me. If I can't do anything, do I want to hang out with him. Not when he's on junk. It's not fun.

Back when he started with his junky girlfriend I thought it was cool driving out to the hood and watching the street action. We once got stopped by the crime task force for being in the wrong neighborhood. That was a close call. What a laugh. But I was friends with him and his girlfriend and they both lied my ears off and I got to hear the whole mobius strip of inner versus outer manipulation as based in junk. It was an eye opener.

So then I made a stand. yes, I tried the shit a couple handfuls of times. Shot it twice. Decided I preferred other stuff. I am not lily white or squeeky clean. But I made my stand. But here I really don't know what to do. It's always half bondage, half freedom any way you turn.

Thanks for putting up with it. This is my therapy.

I always think of how my wife supported me and didn't judge me during my worst phases of excess. I suppose I will be like her and be generous with my support even though I really am pretty depressed.

Kindness of others is the attractiveness which lures the fallen from the pit.

[Deltaphoenix]

It's always half bondage, half freedom any way you turn.

Not Always.

I can go where I want, live the life I want, free of guilt/shame/despair. Sure life on life's terms isn't always fun, full of glamor, etc. Life shows up, struggles and emotions happen but that is reality, no one is really free from that if they truly live.

But I can tell you this, I have one year left before I get my bachelor's from the university that I wanted to attend as a kid (I am older than most at school), my fiancee and I own a home, I have a relationship with the daughter I didn't know I had, I travel, I play more music....etc.

[metalmariachi]

What the fuck is your problem?
Walk away and never look back.

Pros:
You don’t come home and find he’s stolen every thing in your house to feed his habit.
He doesn’t OD in your bathroom
He doesn’t leave Heroin in your house or car.
He doesn’t get you killed in a bad dope deal you didn’t know was happening until too late.
You don’t expose your wife and daughter to this shit.
no police.
Cons:
You lose one “friend” who will sell you for a fix anyway.

[ryan summit]

i was a "functioning" heroin addict
made me less approachable
about cleaning myself up
no one could tell me to stop
beacause i wasnt hurting anyone
in his mind dev
if hes anything like me
and you smoke weed and drink beer
you cant say shit
cause dope is his weed and beer
saying that
if his addiction aint hurting you
and you just dont like bein around dope
for whatever reason
you gotta let him be
else hes gonna be hidin it from you
and now your around your LYING junky friend
people gotta learn lifes lessons themselves
accept his reality or your gonna lose him
if you cant
then you gotta put some space between you and him
cause youll torture yourself tryin to "SAVE" him
when he may not wanna be saved

a thought
maybe hes under the impression that heroin
is the only way he can get through life
feeling like the rest of humanity
thats my reality

and im not just a recovering junky
im also the friend of,
and former friend of junkies
it sucks
but its not just a 24 hr party
theres somethin that eats at every heroin addict on the planet
that they would rather be the fucked up
lying,theiving,parasitic,self loathing monster that you see
than feel the thing deep inside that ails them
its not an excuse
its just the truth
and only they can decide when and where and why
they are gonna face that thing
and not destroy themself over it anymore
its up to you if you wanna hang around for the happy ending
fartnoises etceteraetcetera

[devideva]

Thanks Friend. I think you have got the truth there.

[dubkitty]

a thought
maybe hes under the impression that heroin
is the only way he can get through life
feeling like the rest of humanity
thats my reality

and im not just a recovering junky
im also the friend of,
and former friend of junkies
it sucks
but its not just a 24 hr party
theres somethin that eats at every heroin addict on the planet
that they would rather be the fucked up
lying,theiving,parasitic,self loathing monster that you see
than feel the thing deep inside that ails them
its not an excuse
its just the truth
and only they can decide when and where and why
they are gonna face that thing
and not destroy themself over it anymore
its up to you if you wanna hang around for the happy ending
fartnoises etceteraetcetera

yep. i have thanked my lucky stars for decades that the only folks i knew IRL who were into junk were secretive about it and didn't (no pun intended) hype it to me. it's absolutely true for me that the only time i feel like a normal human being is when i take opioids; i'm just fortunate that i was too broke and too poorly connected to get into it as a lifestyle. and believe me, i'm not romanticising it or looking at it as a positive life choice...i'm just trying to say that i think i understand the motivation in a way that escapes me about people like my friends who went to coke or meth instead. running around chasing my tail like a dog doesn't appeal to me. hiding in plain sight? to quote Clint Conley, "it has a strange allure."

[snipelfritz]

I hope i never am around that stuff.

Not trying to be judgmental at all. I mean that I'd be apprehensive at first, but as I took the first hit I would be diving right in. I'd totes be in your friend's situation, Devi, but I probably wouldn't have as awesome a friend as you

Honestly, I'm glad the only time I did coke it was cut as fuck. I didn't feel anything. I'm sure it was the coke, not me. The guy who did it with me didn't seem sure, but he was a heroin addict who lived out of his car at the time (but has since quit the stuff and turned his life around and I'm very happy for the things he has done since).

That said, I'm quite drunk right now. And I love taking benzos (and love combining the two). I'd be spending quite a bit on weed if I had a solid connection and lived somewhere I could be smoking (aka not living with my parents). I'm (probably) a functioning addict who is very close to independence.

[devideva]

Not all drugs are created equal.

While it might be true that the idea of euphoria and release from often crushing tension drives all drug use, still the effects of course vary hugely, including the peripheral effects on others.

I can't judge others, and that's not what I am doing. Others judge themselves. The saddest part of watching someone succumb to heroin in particular, or let's say, the saddest thing to me with my friend is he doesn't even enjoy it. He sweats, scratches, nods, and gets real serious, and I know he is working hard trying to act like he's not on the stuff. Just like a drunk who is at work. He becomes a semblance of himself.

I understand what metalmariachi is saying. I tried to run away from him. He wouldn't let me go. For two years I avoided him until he, well he lied to me and said he stopped using. By then we had started hanging out again and I realized why I originally liked him. He and I have always made each other laugh harder than anyone else I know. How can I just quit him?

One thing I have seen a couple times is that brothers are often the worst persons in the world for each other. I knew a crack dealer who sold to hs crack addict brother, and in this above scenario the two brothers have shared needles and dealers and persuasion. Maybe the title of the thread should be, 'Fucking Brothers!'

[Deltaphoenix]

Good Luck with your choices Devi.