AxAxSxS wrote:I think it needs to be a balancing act. In my time as a squad leader in the infantry I had the privilege of leading a few of the video game "we"re all special" it's ok to fail, little timmy is mommys perfect little boy kind of kids.
Ok, now we're going to the middle east where the nice folks would like to kill you. Not prepared.
The world is a cold uncaring place that will chew you up and spit you out if you let it. So I think kids do need to learn the value of hard work, to learn it's not ok to quit when things get a little rough or unpleasant. they shouldn't have things handed to them on a platter because when they have to fend for themselves it aint gonna work that way.
But on the other hand "YOU"LL BE A LAWYER AND LIKE IT!!!" Not really cool.
I hope I can be a good parent some day. To help my kid find their place in life and set them up to succeed at it. Sure I'll be disappointed if they want to be a construction worker or a Doctor instead of playing music, but I'll try to install values in them that will let them thrive at whatever they turn out to be.
Oh yeah, if we ever have a girl she will be trained to be an MMA super ninja. Sure, date my daughter, I dare you. Here, wear this mouth guard so you dont loose your teeth and get a concussion.

It is a balancing act, you're right. As a father and a mother you are are supposed to teach your children to fear you. Not to be scared, but to respect you and fear disappointing you. But you have to do this with love rather than harsh criticism and aggression. Kids will take honest, unconditional love and encouragement as a sign that you as a parent require their respect and trust. If they do not trust you then it's most likely your fault, not the child's. It's like blaming a Pit Bull for attacking a 11-year old girl when the owner is a volatile and vicious person and has trained the dog to act similarly.
In all honesty, most children if they're provided with lots of love and given clear boundaries will flourish themselves and learn to respect what they have in life. They will accept that sometimes it will be necessary to put your head to the grindstone and plough on through. In other words, I agree with you.

Iommic Pope wrote:Having said that though, I also kind of fell like extending that to a world view and raising my kids to the point where they can identify what's wrong with the world and recognize what needs to be done about it. I think if you can get em to that stage, then you should have no hassle setting them free, you've given them all the resources they need.
My daughter is definitely not going to be a pushover.
This is a great attitude, IMO. If you've raised your children to
think for themselves your job suddenly becomes that much easier. You don't have to watch them at every turn and worry about them. The best parents, and subsequently the best children, are the ones that have an understanding and a trust. For instance, I don't trust my father. I never have. He's improved over the years since becoming a Jehovah's Witness again, but he's still not someone I can approach fully. The same applies to my mother, but I do love her and appreciate her.