Greetings, humans

[ZiltoidTheOmniscient]

Oh, I don't know. I miss Janet.

[D.o.S.]

Janet's been working for the drug squad.

[Chankgeez]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-uQI4zv6hk[/youtube]

[Fuzzy Picklez]

(There's no way "Finland" is a real place on earth)

[Haki]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9M83gjA0uxw[/youtube]

[tuffteef]

they make great marmalade in finland

[ZiltoidTheOmniscient]

I've been there. It's colder than a lot of the places on Earth.

[Devin]

ziltoid, i told you to switch the computer off!! pm'd.

[Devin]

wait a mo, ziltoid's sleeping here besides me. must be an imposter!

aargh! the ziltoid sleeping here is a puppet, a decoy!

[behndy]

*giggles*

*grabs popcorn*

[ZiltoidTheOmniscient]

I have found a better human host. His hands (and other appendages) are smooth and warm like a good cup of coffee. Yours felt like fish.

[skullservant]

ZILTOID HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO FIND EARTH, HUMANS, AND THIS FORUM OF FUZZY DELIGHT? WHAT DREW YOU FORTH TO OUR FUZZY SYRUM??

[DarkAxel]

I admit, this thread has made me fear for my pathetic earthling life

partially because i drink my coffee ravished by coffee and cream as well... i'm deeply startled by the chance i might get cleansed of the face of this puny planet

better hide in my CAPTAIN SPECTACULAR UNIFORM



(unfunny - if Devin has really joined this forum, i can die, for i'm a big fan)

[ZiltoidTheOmniscient]

(unfunny - if Devin has really joined this forum, i can die, for i'm a big fan)

Fear not human, I don't think it's really him (he didn't mention any of this over the telecommunicator, or "phone").

Having said that, you'd better not pull any Cpt. Spectacular heroic shit, or Ziltoid will get serious.

Nice ocular photoprotectors, by the way. I had some similar ones that got stole- YOU BASTARD!! I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN, AND THEN KILL YOU!! YOU HEAR ME?! I'LL RIP YOUR COLON OUT THROUGH YOUR ASS SO YOU DIE IN A PUDDLE OF BLOOD GUSHING OUT FROM YOU ASSHOLE, SIMILARLY TO THE FOLLOWING EMOTIONAL REPRESENTATION BUT WITHOUT THE SHIT-EATING GRIN:

[ZiltoidTheOmniscient]

ZILTOID HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO FIND EARTH, HUMANS, AND THIS FORUM OF FUZZY DELIGHT? WHAT DREW YOU FORTH TO OUR FUZZY SYRUM??

Ziltoid the Omniscient, if you don't mind.
Humans are well documented in Ziltodia, where I read entire volumes about them in the Ziltoidian library. I MEAN, place that is like a library but where cool guys hang out. Even though I had plenty of knowledge about your frankly repulsive bodies and customs, after setting off to your planet in search of the ultimate cup of coffee I realized that I ignored where this "Earth" actually was. [This may seem to clash with my claim of being Omniscient, but in reality it does not. I could explain, but I fear my teachings would be wasted on your pathetic minds.] All in all it took me about twenty Earth minutes* to find your pitiful piece of hexagonal rock. As soon as I made my presence known to the quavering inhabitants, they suggested that a certain Tom Dalton may know a thing or two about coffee. As it turns out that was not the case. However, after hours of nagging and skull massaging he finally acceeded to create me a digital avatar with the purpose of gaining access to the collective knowledge of the "dim potheads of I<3Fuzz" (I take it that "pothead" refers to a coffee connosieur?).

*Ironically, the minutes that humans use in their day-to-day musings about time are not in fact equivalent to natural Earth minutes (your system assumes that the Earth is roundish, for some strange reason). Of course, you must already know this, since well over five of your minutes have passed, I STILL DON'T HAVE ANY COFFE (apart from that putrid, powdery Earthquaker beverage) and most of you are still alive.