Grab Your Boomstick: The Zombie Apocalypse May Actually Be Upon Us
By now we've all seen the awful, awful story about the Florida man who was shot to death by police for refusing to stop chewing on another man's face.
We joked around about it being the canary in the mine shaft of an impending zombie apocalypse. But as Tumblr blogger "I Hope Rick Santorum" helpfully points out in an appropriately viral post, this latest incident is not so much a warning shot as it is another in a disconcertingly intensifying stream of zombie-invoking headlines — all from the past two weeks, and all from the Sunshine State.
It all started on 5/16 with an ominous story about a "mysterious rash" at McArthur High School in Hollywood that launched a HazMat investigation. Twleve students and two teachers were treated and released. The source of the rash remains unknown.
Flashfoward two days: HazMat crews were called in to Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport to determine the source of an "unknown chemical" that sent five people to the hospital. Theories abound, but an exact cause was not confirmed.
On 5/20, the first real sign of trouble: 41-year-old Dr. Zachary Bird, was arrested by the Florida Highway Patrol near Orlando and charged with felony battery charges for spitting blood in a patrolman's face. He was also "extremely agitated and enraged," and repeatedly banged his head on the patrol car's plexiglass partition "until he bled."
A few days later, another mystery rash was reported at yet another Broward County school. A HazMat team was once again called in to investigate, and once again left without any concrete answers.
The following day, a "disoriented" Canadian man was arrested aboard an American Airlines plane after he inexpicably attempted to rush the cockpit. The plane had just landed in Miami.
On Saturday, an unidentified homeless man had some 80% of his face bitten off by 31-year-old Rudy Eugene.
And here's the bad news: Whatever's happening in Florida appears to be spreading. The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign tweeted the following the following warning to its students last night: "Hazardous materials released at Institute for Genomic Biology. Escape area if safe to do so. Otherwise seek shelter."
And in Hackensack, New Jersey, today, a man was rushed to the hospital after he reportedly cut out his own intestines and threw them at police officers.
Yes. Yes. The ZA is coming. Everyone should arm themselves.
Say. Didn't I see a nice battle ready sword for sale in the b/s/t? Like...not a replica sword but an actual battle ready sword that only needs to be sharpened and then it's ready to cleave zombie heads left and right?
I think I did.
I might go look into buying. Hope no one beats me or anything. Surely the very survival of everyone I know depends on me buying this sword fast. I might even offer the seller extra cash just to make sure no one undercuts me for a deal.
MSUsousaphone wrote:Yes. Yes. The ZA is coming. Everyone should arm themselves.
Say. Didn't I see a nice battle ready sword for sale in the b/s/t? Like...not a replica sword but an actual battle ready sword that only needs to be sharpened and then it's ready to cleave zombie heads left and right?
I think I did.
I might go look into buying. Hope no one beats me or anything. Surely the very survival of everyone I know depends on me buying this sword fast. I might even offer the seller extra cash just to make sure no one undercuts me for a deal.
what-you-did-there-i-see-it_thumbnail.jpg (35.56 KiB) Viewed 1281 times
fiddelerselbow wrote:Did you see the pics of the homless guy after the attack? That guy went to fuckin' town on him.
i've reached one firm conclusion about this attack: the perp had really good teeth.
In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni
FIFTY YEARS OF SCARING THE CHILDREN 1970-2020--and i'm not done yet
"Alexander Kinyua, a 21-year-old Morgan State University student, admitted to murdering his roommate Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodie, who was reported missing last Friday, cops told the Baltimore Sun. [...] The man allegedly confessed a shocking revelation: not only had he killed Agyei-Kodie by cutting him up with a knife and then dismembered him, he ingested parts of the victim's brain and all of his heart."
"Alexander Kinyua, a 21-year-old Morgan State University student, admitted to murdering his roommate Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodie, who was reported missing last Friday, cops told the Baltimore Sun. [...] The man allegedly confessed a shocking revelation: not only had he killed Agyei-Kodie by cutting him up with a knife and then dismembered him, he ingested parts of the victim's brain and all of his heart."
rfurtkamp wrote:Bastard stepchild of modern delay times/looping and a Lexicon Vortex would have me whipping out the credit card faster than a hooker at a coke convention.
not to mention the guy--i think he was in Jersey or Philly--who was in a standoff with the cops in his apartment, stabbed himself, and started throwing pieces of his intestines at the cops. yes, i said "throwing pieces of his intestines." that's got to be some wicked drugs for him to be able to withstand the shock and loss of blood.
In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni
FIFTY YEARS OF SCARING THE CHILDREN 1970-2020--and i'm not done yet
This reminds me of the time when Big Lurch killed and ate his room mate while on PCP.
EDIT: More food for thought about bath salts: because it is taken through injection you have the risk of aids due to dirty needles, but bath salts seems to have an abnormally high likely hood of infecting you with flesh eating bacteria as well.
Last edited by bob the r0bot on Thu May 31, 2012 8:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
i saw a dude on COPS that was coming down from bath salts. he was totally psychotic and then suddenly it wore off and BOOM he was rational. also naked, under arrest, and horribly embarrassed. and i mean PSYCHOTIC. i've talked people down from LSD, and i've never seen anything like that. in fact, i've talked to someone who was on 100 hits of acid, and they were still precariously in contact. i disrecommend psychedelics, but the prospect of them in general circulation doesn't frighten me. if this is all bath salts shit, i'm frightened. thank God we have quasi-legal weed here so people don't have to do that kind of stuff.
In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni
FIFTY YEARS OF SCARING THE CHILDREN 1970-2020--and i'm not done yet
