Religious people seem to get bent out of shape over the word "marriage" because to them that is a spiritual agreement made with their deity and involving a church and a clergy member. And so it makes sense that if you only see marriage as a god thing, it would bother you that evil sinner gays want to partake. I get that.
But for the rest of us (gay and straight), marriage is a legal contract and legal classification conferred by a state government (and yes, it's an important commitment between two people). Sure, there is also a ceremony with family and friends (most of the time), but this is purely for cultural reasons and has no impact on the legal aspect of the marriage. There doesn't have to be a ceremony at all, and in some states its just a declaration of intent by the people getting married and a signature from a couple of witnesses. For fuck's sake, you can get a drive-through marriage in Nevada, and because all states have reciprocity of marriage, getting married at a drive through to someone you've known for an hour is just as legally valid as a wedding that happened in a church with God's express consent.
When I got married, I realized that legal side of it had absolutely nothing to do with the marriage ceremony (wedding) at all. The state (NJ for me) only cares that those getting married are consenting adults (of opposite sex, at the moment) and that some sort of authority figure signs off on it. In New Jersey, the wedding "officiant" can be: any clergy of any religion, ship captain, justice of the peace, federal judge, retired federal judge, judge of tax court, mayor, county clerk, and about 20 other things. You don't need a church, vows, a reception or any of that shit. It's just signing a few forms and paying the fee for a license. That's all it is, *legally* speaking. They don't ask if you believe in god or if you go to church or if you care about burning in hell forever.
Ergo,
Let's all recognize that there does not have to be a wedding of any kind in order for their to be a marriage. And even IF there had to be a wedding, it doesn't have to happen in a church or under the auspices of any religious institution or organization. I think what religious people (and/or bigots) don't like, when you really get down to it, is the prospect of a gay wedding. I think they must imagine that at a gay wedding, two guys are ass plowing each other on top of an altar and sitting under a big picture of Jesus.
Let's also all understand that a lot of churches are just not into the whole gay thing. They should have the right to deny anyone, for any reason, access to having a wedding at their church. Nor should they be required to recognize any marriage that they don't think is valid, whether gay or merely married by an internet minister (like me!). I don't see an issue with this, because churches are social organizations and they have no significance in any legal way. They can't stop anyone from getting insurance, or applying for a job, or getting a tax benefit, so who gives a shit if they don't recognize any given marriage? It's like some guy on the internet calling you an asshole. So what?
So, in summation, we *all* should stop focusing on the the connection between the legal aspects of marriage (the important part) and religious aspects of marriage ...because there isn't one. Gay supporters: leave the bible beaters alone and focus on the legal side of things. Religious people: nobody wants to force you to sit through a gay wedding, so just stick to your ceremonies and stop worrying about what other people are doing outside of your church. Nobody is telling you how to drink the blood of your savior, so step off.
Yeah, that ought to solve everything!
