DR. S. RITUAL ROMANTIC ADVICE COLUMNNMN

[SPACERITUAL]

I would've said this too, when I was 14. Now it's like a woolly mammoth. Does anyone else want to avoid buying women's razors or beard trimming supplies when I am neither a woman nor someone with a beard?

Dr. Spaceman, how much of a curve is too much of a curve?

LOL. Dude youre shaving your cock like a woman shaves her vagina, and youre worried about looking like a fag when you buy chicks razors????

If the curve is too extreme to put it in without pain, it is too much of a curve.

[snipelfritz]

Why are you so jealous of my woolly mammoth? Don't fear it's might stature, just accept it. Yes, yes, mmmmmmmmmmm.

[madmax1012]

Dr. Ritual,
This is a very interesting case i have going on, where my girlfriend complains about my cock being too big.
basically, WTF.
please explain the minds of women to me, for i am thoroughly confused

[madmax1012]

that's the strange part. she's an extremely sexual person. like, almost kinda scary. i doesn't gets it

[Gearmond]

HOW DO I GET HER TO LET ME STICK IT IN HER

Front or back?

did i specify?

[madmax1012]

bang 24/7. fuckin strange riiii?

[SPACERITUAL]

Dr. Ritual,
This is a very interesting case i have going on, where my girlfriend complains about my cock being too big.
basically, WTF.
please explain the minds of women to me, for i am thoroughly confused

She is just trying to make you feel self concious about something. Women are trixy liars that will do anything they can to try and get the upper hand, especially sexually. The case is probably that your cock is fine and youve likely made her cum what i like to call "the cum". This is just my way of naming an eddie murphy theory of human sexual relationships, which stipulates plainly that when a man makes a woman cum just right she is for all intents and purposes cum blinded and he has several months of free reign in the relationship, which he can expand near indefinately if he figured out how to repeat this feat as many times as the situation warrants. This can be used to explain the "it wasnt me" excuse. Now back to your problem, you have likely stumbled very near to making her cum in this fashion and she is reeling to gain some semblance of an upper hand in the relationship.

[Achtane]

............................................my god.

[Eric!]

Hi Dr. Ritual. Long-time listener, first-time caller here.

+100

There is a girl I am nuts for. She knows it, and has told of reciprocating feelings.
She broke up with her tool and guitarfail boyfriend, who would get jealous when we'd hang out (we really do have a lot in common). I thought this was my chance! But she goes and dates some swim team captain instead.
Sometimes she talks about how we'll be together when she "takes life more seriously." I'm sick o' gettin' blue balled. It's not like I just wanna tap. I want ALL.
We do hang out, about once a week. We have the best conversations.

How do I get her to grow the hell up?

[SPACERITUAL]

Hi Dr. Ritual. Long-time listener, first-time caller here.

+100

There is a girl I am nuts for. She knows it, and has told of reciprocating feelings.
She broke up with her tool and guitarfail boyfriend, who would get jealous when we'd hang out (we really do have a lot in common). I thought this was my chance! But she goes and dates some swim team captain instead.
Sometimes she talks about how we'll be together when she "takes life more seriously." I'm sick o' gettin' blue balled. It's not like I just wanna tap. I want ALL.
We do hang out, about once a week. We have the best conversations.

How do I get her to grow the hell up?

Fuck someone prettier than she is. Talk about it nonchalantly like you think when she hears you shell be happier for you. Thats all i can say about this...i could elaborate and i have this great metaphor but you are theoretically represented by john mayer and nobody wants that. If you dont do it my way some day months from now shes going to have a bad day and call you in the middle of the night, come over, fuck you and become stupid attached and you are going to realize youd rather spoon one of your testicles out than be in a relationship with her. Your call chief.

[Eric!]

This thread should get stickied.

[theavondon]

This thread should get stickied.

F'real.

[leastwise]

How do I get her to grow the hell up?

Made me think of this...



from: http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2132 (If you go to this page, mouseover the red dot below the comic for an insightful message.)

This thread should get stickied.

Yes, please.

[phantasmagorovich]

What's the best way to kill my wife?

[DarkAxel]

Dear SR

I find one thing really odd... i basically can't comprehend how this "lasting for long" and "not lasting for long works". Sometimes i masturbate, later have sex and don't last for very long... other times i don't masturbate, later have sex and last last for VERY LONG TIME... other times i don't masturbate and finish so quickly i feel like wanting to arrest myself...

basically what the fuck?