musician stereotypes

[unownunown]

c'mon, your best jokes!

(this thread will end up being 80% about drummers, lol)

[veteransdaypoppy]

guitarists can't keep time. it's true.

[Toonster]

Bassplayers first were terrible guitarplayers..

(true in my case )

[Mudfuzz]

Guitarists... tuning.... still tuning... 4 hours later.... tuning....

[tuffteef]

i thought someone was gonna say oh hes black so he must rap

[unownunown]

i thought someone was gonna say oh hes black so he must rap or play bass

[tuffteef]

i thought someone was gonna say oh hes black so he must rap or play bass

or play reggae

[nieh]

Bass players play out of tune. (orchestra)

[The4455]

How do you know a Drummer is at your door?
The knocks Keep speeding up!

Bass players are hard to come by, not true although it's hard to find Drummers

[unownunown]

Bass players play out of tune. (orchestra)

it's cuz upright is such a bitch. you have to practice with a tuner all the fucking time and even then. sometimes you'll be in pitch and it'll just be you playing and some other musician and that musician is kinda out of pitch but everyone just goes man it's the bassist because a clarinet has never been out of tune before i guess



(that one hurt me)

oh also... why do drummers have such needy/bitchy/awful girlfriends?

(there is no pun. just truth.)

[The4455]

Bass players play out of tune. (orchestra)

it's cuz upright is such a bitch. you have to practice with a tuner all the fucking time and even then. sometimes you'll be in pitch and it'll just be you playing and some other musician and that musician is kinda out of pitch but everyone just goes man it's the bassist because a clarinet has never been out of tune before i guess



(that one hurt me)

oh also... why do drummers have such needy/bitchy/awful girlfriends?

(there is no pun. just truth.)

True, drummer's girlfriends are pretty bad, and distracting, just let us fucking practice bitch you two can be together later, and being a bass player Upright is hard to play, and I always blame the cellos, they are the worst!

[Monkeyboard]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0prsJLDcvQU[/youtube]

There that wraps up all thoughts regarding bass players.


What do you call someone who hangs around musicians?

A drummer.

(I used to know a ton of these all as cringeworthy but I won't torture you with them)

[smile_man]

YOURNOTAGUITARPLAYERUNLESSYOUCANPLAYSONGSTHATILIKE.

YOURNOTUSINGAMICROPHONE?

[Jero]

YOURNOTUSINGAMICROPHONE?

hahah This actually happened to you pretty recently did it not?

[theavondon]

These are best told in the form of awful vaudevillian jokes.

What's the best tuner for the upright bass in a jazz context?

The piano player.


How do you know a musician is on your door step?

When he gives you your pizza.


How many country bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One, five, one, five....


How many bass players does it take to change a spotlight?

Doesn't fucking matter, they'll never be in it.


What's the difference between a viola player and a prostitute?

A prostitute knows more than two positions.

(Maybe a bit TOO nerdy on that last one. Or, all of them. Ah, fuck it.)