Lost Kitty

[Eric!]

Missing Missy: perhaps the best email forward of all time.
Posted on July 7, 2010 by kevmo
I am usually not a fan of forwards, but this is really funny. A woman loses her cat and asks her designer friend to drop everything and make a poster to post around the neighborhood. Anyone who works in a service role (developers, marketers, pr peeps) gets these kind of requests from friends, but they never quite turn out this funny.
Update: This email originated on 27bslash6. Please check out the rest of his stuff there. It’s kinda amazing.

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.20am
To: David
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone… possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are you?”
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don’t like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham ‘Choose Life’ t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.



From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend’s cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn’t have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards, David.


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

—————————-

[Gunner Recall]

I saw this a little while back...I nearly lost it when I got to the "I just want it to say Lost" poster

[HereticPride]

I had better never lose one of my cats.

[sevenSHARPnine]

I was literally in stitches the entire time I was reading that. My stomach hurts from laughing. Thanks for sharing

[Eric!]

NO REWARD just might be my favorite

[spacelordmother]

NO REWARD just might be my favorite

Me too!

[Teej212]

hilarious stuff. i couldnt breathe i was laughing so hard

[blicero]

the guy who made thats' whole website is hilarious

[warwick.hoy]

Is that for real? If I were that dumb bitch I would have done it myself after I realized the designer was going to be a dick about it (at least by the 3rd or 4th RE:).

[Noise...]

While I'm a cat lover, and know how it feels to have a lost cat, that was fucking hilarious.

I do some design work now and then, and it's exactly how people are. "Oh, I know you charge $60 an hour, and could go higher if you weren't a nice guy, but I just need something quick done. I'll owe you one!"

Turns out that "owe you ones" are actually less valuable than a scrap of paper with "I.O.U" written on it in crayon.

[theactionindex]

Holy shit I haven't laughed like that in a long time.

[colin]

That is simply priceless. The last time I had to go looking for a missing cat, I ended finding about a quarter of him on the side of the road, which obviously sucked, so I can empathize with the woman, but that was too funny. Why the stupid woman was wasting time emailing someone who clearly wasn't interested in helping instead of just going outside to look for her cat is beyond me.

[htsamurai]

I chuckled.
My friend died at this.

[theavondon]

I think my laughter caused by this woke up my roommate.