Christmas Conundrum

[01010111]

My wife and I decided to get two big ticket items for each other for Christmas, and then just get each other little things for surprises. However, if I sell a piece of gear I don’t use, then I can buy her a much bigger and nicer present for Christmas. Would doing that make me a HUGE dick, though?

[oldangelmidnight]

Is it just bigger and nicer or would she really like it more?

[Eivind August]

Not if you trust each other and have an open dialogue about stuff like that, I think?

[UglyCasanova]

I'd just tell her what you want to do in advance. I guess I would feel mildy shitty if my gf and I were to make a similar pact only to get something way more expensive than what I got her. A possible way to solve it without spilling the beans is getting her something in the price range you agreed upon and simply using the surplus you get from selling gear to pay some bills in advance or cut down on any loans/mortgages you have together.

[goroth]

My wife knows that Christmas is a competition.
You win some
And you lose some.

It's like high stakes poker really.
Except, not at all.
Poor likeness.
Sorry.

[$harkToootth]

This is kind of like Gift of the Magi
I don't think so Willy. You and your wife seem very in-tune with each other regarding finances so I'd venture to say she might be more upset if you 1. Sell piece of gear to 2. Spend a lot of money on 3. Something she won't use.
I know holidays are supposed to be nice but you people seem like 'function' over 'form' people. I might be projecting.
So if it's useful/especially cool, she probably won't be upset.

[crochambeau]

The perfect gift is whittled from the bones of your enemies, you cannot simply put a price tag on that.

[hbombgraphics]

The perfect gift is whittled from the bones of your enemies, you cannot simply put a price tag on that.

This seems like the best approach.

I have found that if you throw the gift balance out of whack too much it can put quite a bit of pressure on the other person.

probably worth discussing before you dive in.

[01010111]

Thanks guys! I talked to her about it. It definitely was a bigger and better present (a Wii U vs a book and some knick-knacks). And she said she thought that was okay.

It definitely is a gift of the magi situation, Sharktooth.

(also, a note to my secret santa: the thing I’m selling is something I don’t think I’ve ever posted about on here because I found it by accident and decided to sell it almost the second I got it)

[nogodsnobedtimes]

The perfect gift is whittled from the bones of your enemies, you cannot simply put a price tag on that.

This seems like the best approach.

I have found that if you throw the gift balance out of whack too much it can put quite a bit of pressure on the other person.

probably worth discussing before you dive in.

When I was slaving away in the salt mines as a low wage throw away and my wife was the breadwinner, she would go way overboard for xmas while I pinched pennies to get her a couple books. It made me feel like shit.

[Jwar]

Since we have three kids and I waste so much money through out the year, our Christmas is usually pretty light for each other. My wife gets some goodies through out the year and I obviously do as well. We decided some years back to just make it about the kids and get each other something small. It's not been a big deal. If you think about it, unless your wife is a gear hound like yourself, they can be pretty difficult to buy for. I mean, what am I going to get her? A diamond necklace she'll never wear? A purse to compliment her other purses? God. I suck. I wish I knew what my wife liked but she barely has any hobbies. I just depressed myself and it made me feel like a shitty husband. Exit left...

[weebles]

My wife and I have both started Pinterest boards specifically for in-laws that refuse to buy gifts without a list.

That being said, it’s really helped out when I come up on a gift-giving time and don’t have many ideas.

[$harkToootth]

If you think about it, unless your wife is a gear hound like yourself, they can be pretty difficult to buy for. I mean, what am I going to get her? A diamond necklace she'll never wear? A purse to compliment her other purses? God. I suck. I wish I knew what my wife liked but she barely has any hobbies. I just depressed myself and it made me feel like a shitty husband. Exit left...

Regarding the first sentence, this is going to be the third year in a row my brother (not a gear head) gets me a moog expression pedal. They're cheap enough and easy enough for him to order. I literally text him a link. We've been exchanging links for years now (I get it, a brother's relationship is A LOT different than husband and wife [my brother is basically my twin]).

You're not a shitty husband. You'll do fine. Consider getting her an 'experience' instead of material things. I usually get my Mom a Spa Treatment of some kind or play tickets. If I do buy clothes for people, it's so they can start a hobby (got Mom hiking boots one year and she loved them!).

So think of stuff your wife might like to do and never pursued (in my opinion, those are the best gifts) or maybe give her the gift of relaxation or something. You'll be fine brother.

[Invisible Man]

Shame her into submission. This is what good husbands do. Male dominance is a lost art. Trust me; I've been married three times.

I usually lie to her and tell her we're gonna go 'small' this year and then buy her as much stuff as I can. She likes things, and I like to give them.

[PeteeBee]

I usually lie to her and tell her we're gonna go 'small' this year and then buy her as much stuff as I can. She likes things, and I like to give them.

This is my move too, but it totally depends on the relationship. I had a girlfriend for a few years with whom somehow every gift turned into a fight if the goods weren’t of nearly identical value. My wife really just loves antique jewelry as presents, so there isn’t really a way to know how much it costs. That’s part of it I think. If she knows exactly how much the item costs then it’s all a little more flagrant.