The Velvet Hammer AMA

[Chankgeez]

What is it?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-GQPOp4FMM[/youtube]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-GQPOp4FMM

[Kacey Y]

What is it?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-GQPOp4FMM[/youtube]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-GQPOp4FMM

Now you've done it.

[comesect2.0]

that sounded tits!

[ritz]

Velvet Hammer, what are your thoughts on velour?

[rustywire]

What is it?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-GQPOp4FMM[/youtube]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-GQPOp4FMM

The correct answer (It's it.)

[MechaGodzilla]

If a hadouken/kamehameha/your ki blast of choice is a concentrated ball of spiritual/metaphysical energy then

a) does it mainly damage the spirit or life force of the opponent without causing actual physical harm?
b) how can it emit/reflect light if it isn't a physical matter or energy?

[comesect2.0]

If a hadouken/kamehameha/your ki blast of choice is a concentrated ball of spiritual/metaphysical energy then

a) does it mainly damage the spirit or life force of the opponent without causing actual physical harm?

cell vacuoles implode causing muscle hemorrhage

b) how can it emit/reflect light if it isn't a physical matter or energy?

the same way a water droplet is held together by dust and salt reflected by gas particles & the bending of light from a 4d dimension in subspace resonated by bio-harmonics.

[resincum]

VELVET HAMMER.. are you Jwar?

[comesect2.0]

too clever.

[The Velvet Hammer]

This question is for anyone. I don't understand the weird dichotomy between voyeurism/board abstinence and this sudden outpouring. From roughly 40 posts in 6 years to 30 posts in 48 hours is a fairly significant swinging of the pendulum. So is VH more Harry Lime or more Hitchcock?

Velvet Hammer is omnipresent but usually intervenes silently.
Its not often the VH has to act but its invocation is normally reserved for the most horrendous of abhorrent offenders, obviously, because the rest of us are full time shitposting.
The past year in the real world has been tough on everyone, so my guess is this is some of that spilling over here, so beginning a fight to keep this place as it was and attempt to retain some immunity from what seems like a nonsensical shitstorm, or to recognise that perhaps no place can exist untouched from the taint of reality and that survival requires adjusting for stasis accordingly.
The great philosophical divide, staring ILF down as we peer down into its unsettling and uncertain abyss, desperately searching for signs of hope that the path across is without ugliness.

The Velvet Hammer thanks you for this message, it hits both the proverbial nail on the head and arouses me like a nail slowly slipping in to a fine piece of oak.

My increased presence has been down to the increased angst and unsettled nature of the forum. I do not act without thorough consideration on the basis of a users former posting, what antagonized them in the first place, free speech and even take in to consideration the fact that some may be struggling in their personal life etc.
I have seen the forum through good times and bad, I remember the Roseweaves, the Troy Sanders and even the Devi's and never has it felt at such a tipping point as it does.

As of late, the forum has been gradually become less accepting and more prone to fighting so my presence is required more to hopefully make this a welcoming, warm and velvety place for others and this thread was a chance for some to ask questions of the hammer behind the velvet curtain and also inject some much needed fun back in to life.

[The Velvet Hammer]

Mermaids - fish top or bottom?

Hooks or hands?

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Fish bottom. I could never stare in to those cold black eyes and feel that cold, scaly skin against my head and handle and enjoy my self. I would rather the person than the genitals.

The Hammer already has a claw, what would he need with a hook?

That depends, African or European?

[The Velvet Hammer]

if I threw a penny down a drain pipe which led to a underground river made of tiny alligators in case the penny was swallowed by one and caught by a rat which carried the body of the alligator with the penny in its gullet up to the surface where they both were run over by a car causing the penny to burst threw the alligators stomach and roll down a city side walk while a man with gum on his shoe steps apon the penny which sticks to his shoe, the man gets in his car & is on his way to the airport, he is going 65mph in his car and has 47 minutes until departure when he hits a stray cat, stops his car and rushes around to pick it off the street, the man slips in blood expelling the gum stuck penny from his shoe, the penny continues to roll down the street until it is swallowed by a toad mistaking the penny for a insect the toad then chokes and dies, a week later fully decomposed the penny becomes visible and a street sweeper truck at 4 a.m. passes by tossing the remains about, spreading them threw out the street causing the penny to fall back into the sewer filled with tiny alligators in which have all caught on fire from the tiny alligator exterminators hard at work at 430 a.m One of the workers sees a shine and walks over finding the penny picks it up and places it in his pocket, later at 8 a.m he returns home to his wife and kids after a hards morning work of the extermination of tiny alligators and emptys his pockets onto the bathroom sink counter in which the penny laid until his curious cat became loured to the smell of the penny, jumped onto the sink counter, and with its paw swatted the penny into the drain of the sink, the mans child at this time entered the bathroom to brush its teeth, running water in the sink causing the penny to fall into the pipe..two weeks later his wife after noticing the sink not draining properly had her husband get under the sink, to turn off the water, and remove the pipe to see if anything might be blocking a steady flow...in turn he found his penny, replaced the pipe, turned water on, and continued with his day then suddenly.. all of the cloths in the house began dancing around as if invisible beings held them in mid air taunting the family, the couple grabbed their kids and never returned to their home, on the rush out of the haunted home the penny however fell threw a hole in the mans 5 yr old sweatpants in which he went to bed in every night. a week later, yard men came to mow the lawn and the leaf blower blew the penny out of the grass in which it had fallen, and onto the sidewalk, in which a old lady eating a sandwich walking down the path noticed the penny, bent over to pick it up when suddenly her sandwich which was turkey on whole wheat, fell out of her hands and onto the penny,at that exact moment a car racing at 65 mph hit a cat and swerved over splattering the poor old lady causing her to be air born flying threw the air until she broke threw the window of the haunted house in which the haunted cloths dressed her dead body for burial, 12 minutes later the police, ambulance and fire department were at the scene, one man pointing out the turkey sandwich under the car scooped it out with a stick and to his astonishment there lay in the remains of the turkey on whole wheat was a quarter, he then tossed the shredded turkey meat and bread aside placing the quarter into his pants when suddenly little alligators were crawling out every sewer hole on every block the town was being suffocated engulfed invaded by tiny alligators, phoning the department of national security a special forces unit dispatched 400 of their best wolftigercrabs made in a bioengineering facility south of Houston to exterminate these tiny alligators.
CONCLUSION QUESTION:
how did the penny become a quarter and who was the man that found it?

Allow the Velvet Hammer to ask you a question, when was the last time you heard a hammer answer a riddle?

Also... Kirk, Picard, Sisko, Janeway or Archer?

[The Velvet Hammer]

Do you think it'd be weird if I tucked my dick behind my legs Buffalo Bill style? Or is that what the cool kids are doing?

That depends,is one listening to goodbye horses when performing the tuck?

The cool kids are stroking their velvet hammers though.

[The Velvet Hammer]

Oh fuck it,
Is there a Mrs Velvet Nail ?

The Hammer once had a nail to hammer, but now he hammers whatever nail comes his way, they appreciate his velvety but firm slamming.

[The Velvet Hammer]

What is it?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-GQPOp4FMM[/youtube]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-GQPOp4FMM

This is the correct answer to, What is it?