The Velvet Hammer AMA

[Eivind August]

Mermaids - fish top or bottom?

Hooks or hands?

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

[Gone Fission]

Why do tiki torch Nazis happen to good forums?

[worra]

Velvet Hammer is omnipresent but usually intervenes silently.
Its not often the VH has to act but its invocation is normally reserved for the most horrendous of abhorrent offenders, obviously, because the rest of us are full time shitposting.
The past year in the real world has been tough on everyone, so my guess is this is some of that spilling over here, so beginning a fight to keep this place as it was and attempt to retain some immunity from what seems like a nonsensical shitstorm, or to recognise that perhaps no place can exist untouched from the taint of reality and that survival requires adjusting for stasis accordingly.
The great philosophical divide, staring ILF down as we peer down into its unsettling and uncertain abyss, desperately searching for signs of hope that the path across is without ugliness.

A+ post.

[MechaGodzilla]

Hooks or hands?

Hands, but every finger is a hook

[comesect2.0]

if I threw a penny down a drain pipe which led to a underground river made of tiny alligators in case the penny was swallowed by one and caught by a rat which carried the body of the alligator with the penny in its gullet up to the surface where they both were run over by a car causing the penny to burst threw the alligators stomach and roll down a city side walk while a man with gum on his shoe steps apon the penny which sticks to his shoe, the man gets in his car & is on his way to the airport, he is going 65mph in his car and has 47 minutes until departure when he hits a stray cat, stops his car and rushes around to pick it off the street, the man slips in blood expelling the gum stuck penny from his shoe, the penny continues to roll down the street until it is swallowed by a toad mistaking the penny for a insect the toad then chokes and dies, a week later fully decomposed the penny becomes visible and a street sweeper truck at 4 a.m. passes by tossing the remains about, spreading them threw out the street causing the penny to fall back into the sewer filled with tiny alligators in which have all caught on fire from the tiny alligator exterminators hard at work at 430 a.m One of the workers sees a shine and walks over finding the penny picks it up and places it in his pocket, later at 8 a.m he returns home to his wife and kids after a hards morning work of the extermination of tiny alligators and emptys his pockets onto the bathroom sink counter in which the penny laid until his curious cat became loured to the smell of the penny, jumped onto the sink counter, and with its paw swatted the penny into the drain of the sink, the mans child at this time entered the bathroom to brush its teeth, running water in the sink causing the penny to fall into the pipe..two weeks later his wife after noticing the sink not draining properly had her husband get under the sink, to turn off the water, and remove the pipe to see if anything might be blocking a steady flow...in turn he found his penny, replaced the pipe, turned water on, and continued with his day then suddenly.. all of the cloths in the house began dancing around as if invisible beings held them in mid air taunting the family, the couple grabbed their kids and never returned to their home, on the rush out of the haunted home the penny however fell threw a hole in the mans 5 yr old sweatpants in which he went to bed in every night. a week later, yard men came to mow the lawn and the leaf blower blew the penny out of the grass in which it had fallen, and onto the sidewalk, in which a old lady eating a sandwich walking down the path noticed the penny, bent over to pick it up when suddenly her sandwich which was turkey on whole wheat, fell out of her hands and onto the penny,at that exact moment a car racing at 65 mph hit a cat and swerved over splattering the poor old lady causing her to be air born flying threw the air until she broke threw the window of the haunted house in which the haunted cloths dressed her dead body for burial, 12 minutes later the police, ambulance and fire department were at the scene, one man pointing out the turkey sandwich under the car scooped it out with a stick and to his astonishment there lay in the remains of the turkey on whole wheat was a quarter, he then tossed the shredded turkey meat and bread aside placing the quarter into his pants when suddenly little alligators were crawling out every sewer hole on every block the town was being suffocated engulfed invaded by tiny alligators, phoning the department of national security a special forces unit dispatched 400 of their best wolftigercrabs made in a bioengineering facility south of Houston to exterminate these tiny alligators.
CONCLUSION QUESTION:
how did the penny become a quarter and who was the man that found it?

[PanicProne]

if I threw a penny down a drain pipe which led to a underground river made of tiny alligators in case the penny was swallowed by one and caught by a rat which carried the body of the alligator with the penny in its gullet up to the surface where they both were run over by a car causing the penny to burst threw the alligators stomach and roll down a city side walk while a man with gum on his shoe steps apon the penny which sticks to his shoe, the man gets in his car & is on hes way to the airport, he is going 65mph in his car and has 47 minutes until departure when he hits a stray cat, stops his car and rushes around to pick it off the street, the man slips in blood expelling the gum stuck penny from his shoe, the penny continues to roll down the street until it is swallowed by a toad mistaking the penny for a insect the frog then chokes and dies, a week later fully decomposed the penny becomes visible and a street sweeper truck at 4 a.m. passes by tossing the remains about, spreading them threw out the street causing the penny to fall back into the sewer filled with tiny alligators in which have all caught on fire from the tiny alligator exterminators hard at work at 430 a.m One of the workers sees a shine and walks over finding the penny picks it up and places it in his pocket, later at 8 a.m he returns home to his wife and kids after a hards morning work of the extermination of tiny alligators and emptys his pockets onto the bathroom sink counter in which the penny laid until his curious cat became loured to the smell of the penny, jumped onto the sink counter, and with its paw swatted the penny into the drain of the sink, the mans child at this time entered the bathroom to brush its teeth, running water in the sink causing the penny to fall into the pipe..two weeks later his wife after noticing the sink not draining properly had her husband get under the sink to turn off the water and remove the pipe to see if anything might be blocking a steady flow...in turn he found his penny replaced the pipe turned water on and continued with his day then suddenly all of the cloths in the house began dancing around as if invisible beings held them in mid air taunting the family, the couple grabbed their kids and never returned to their home, on the rush out of the haunted home the penny however fell threw a hole in the mans 5 yr old sweatpants in which he went to bed in every night. a week later, yard men came to mow the lawn and the leaf blower blew the penny out of the grass in which it had fallen, and onto the sidewalk, in which a old lady eating a sandwich walking down the path noticed the penny, bent over to pick it up when suddenly her sandwich which was turkey on whole wheat, fell out of her hands and onto the penny,at that exact moment a car racing at 65 mph hit a cat and swerved over splattering the poor old lady causing her to be air born flying threw the air until she broke threw the window of the haunted house in which the haunted cloths dressed her dead body for burial, 12 minutes later the police, ambulance and fire department were at the scene, one man pointing out the turkey sandwich under the car scooped it out with a stick and to his astonishment there lay in the remains of the turkey on whole wheat was a quarter, he then tossed the shredded turkey meat and bread aside placing the quarter into his pants when suddenly little alligators were crawling out every sewer hole on every block the town was being suffocated engulfed invaded by tiny alligators, phoning the department of national security a special forces unit dispatched 400 of their best wolftigercrabs made in a bioengineering facility south of Houston to exterminate these tiny alligators.
CONCLUSION QUESTION:
how did the penny become a quarter and who was the man that found it?

Sigged.







No, actually not.

[Disarm D'arcy]

You know else became a quarter?

[BitchPudding]

Ya like memes?

[Jwar]

Do you think it'd be weird if I tucked my dick behind my legs Buffalo Bill style? Or is that what the cool kids are doing?

[Iommic Pope]

I think thats a bit normcore now, to he honest with you jwar.

[drolo]

Velvet Hammer has no time for your tomfooleries any longer. You all had your chance. It's over.

[drolo]

Oh fuck it,
Is there a Mrs Velvet Nail ?

[comesect2.0]

Bitchpuddinz got all the awnsers now.

[Kacey Y]

What is it?

[BitchPudding]

Bitchpuddinz got all the awnsers now.

Yes, I am willing to answer all your questions within the confines of my own thread, mortals. ;P