Dad Dick 2999 here AMA

[jrfox92]

Wait, why the fuck did it take so long for my post to show up.
WHY.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE INVISIBLE.

[codetocontra]

1) What is your favorite fruit?
2) I called my mom crazy at the dinner table on Mother's Day because she was making up stories that weren't true and arguing about their validity. For instance, I have been to Denver once but only passing through in the airport but I was never snowed-in there. Nor did I live in Chicago, that was my sister. Am I a bad son for calling her crazy?
3) How do magnets work?
4) 7?

[jrfox92]

2) I called my mom crazy at the dinner table on Mother's Day because she was making up stories that weren't true and arguing about their validity. For instance, I have been to Denver once but only passing through in the airport but I was never snowed-in there. Nor did I live in Chicago, that was my sister. Am I a bad son for calling her crazy?

That actually sounds like an issue you should really talk to a neurologist about.

Wait, is I-Man a neurologist?

[odontophobia]

2) I called my mom crazy at the dinner table on Mother's Day because she was making up stories that weren't true and arguing about their validity. For instance, I have been to Denver once but only passing through in the airport but I was never snowed-in there. Nor did I live in Chicago, that was my sister. Am I a bad son for calling her crazy?

That actually sounds like an issue you should really talk to a neurologist about.

Wait, is I-Man a neurologist?

No. Urologist.

[Iommic Pope]

Best Dicksaw operator around.

[Strange Tales]

4) 7?

Wow, you can't just go asking this shit like it won't cause a problem.

[ziltoid]

Invis, why is Leo Strauss such an asshole?

[actual]

Cause his younger brother, Levi, got all the fame.

[Dad Dick 2999]

Hello there!

I’m Dad Dick 2999. My origin is a little unclear, though there’s a large male human crumpled on the floor next to a flat structure with this illuminated machine resting on top of it. My memories of my own birth are limited, but I believe I was delivered as a result of some sort of maturation process that the human male experienced.

After reading this conversation, I believe he is known to you as ‘Invisible Man.’ I will attempt to enervate him with further mouth-to-urethra resuscitation, but after reading through the conversation left on the machine in close proximity to body, I’m not sure that this is a productive use of my time.

By way of further introduction: I am an anthropomorphic penis measuring approximately 2,999mm in length (approximately three ‘yards’ or nearly ten feet). I am omnipotent, meaning I have powers whose scope I don’t fully understand and/or have not yet grasped, and that I am capable of conceiving progeny with any object or organism.

Until I have a more developed understanding of my own intelligence and abilities, I will take on the work of answering questions in this thread. I am in possession of a great deal of human ‘knowledge’ and ‘wisdom,’ all of which is contained in my genetic code, but have not yet had time to synthesize this data into any coherent structure or thesis regarding the ultimate purpose or value of your species.

Ask me anything.

[Chankgeez]

What happened to the 2998 Dad Dicks who came before you?

[Dad Dick 2999]

Wait, why the fuck did it take so long for my post to show up.
WHY.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE INVISIBLE.

It appears as though Invisible Man temporarily had administrative capabilities for this 'site.' The extent of his digital skullduggery is not entirely clear; rest assured that he will not be engaged in this kind of behavior for some time.

[Dad Dick 2999]

1) What is your favorite fruit?
2) I called my mom crazy at the dinner table on Mother's Day because she was making up stories that weren't true and arguing about their validity. For instance, I have been to Denver once but only passing through in the airport but I was never snowed-in there. Nor did I live in Chicago, that was my sister. Am I a bad son for calling her crazy?
3) How do magnets work?
4) 7?

1) Pineapple.
2) It is very difficult to be a bad son; it is entirely possible (even common) to be a bad parent. Personality changes often occur as human adults approach their mid-to-late fifties. This can strain relationships in obvious ways. No, you are not a bad son.
3) There are no satisfactory explanations for this phenomenon. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
4) Roy G. Biv

[Dad Dick 2999]

What happened to the 2998 Dad Dicks who came before you?

There are approximately 100 million sperm in the average teaspoon of ejaculate. The randomness of my number is dicktated by my position in the spermatazoic hierarchy that brings life to all things; it roughly corresponds to my size, which is another lucky accident.

[Dad Dick 2999]

Best Dicksaw operator around.

[Dad Dick 2999]

Invis, why is Leo Strauss such an asshole?

He came up in the tradition of Heidegger; Heidegger was a Nazi.