Live and learn I guess?

[baremountain]

I want to share a stupid story and humiliate myself for your entertainments. In return, I simply ask that you share a similar story about learning a very common sense lesson in a way that exudes absolutely no trace of poise and/or grace.

Let me preface by saying at the time of this story I was not drunk (I haven't drank in 3 weeks), and I was only my normal, every-day functioning level of stoned, so my thought process here was pretty unimpeded. Anyways I dressed up as Princess Bubblegum from Adventure Time for Halloween this weekend (see viewtopic.php?f=42&t=54278&p=1149866#p1149866) and part of that getup was a long flowy dress. I decided to take advantage of the situation and went totally nude under the dress, which was awesome and I absolutely would do again. Anyways, I was walking to my car with my girlfriend and needed to pee, and figured I'd take advantage of what seemed like an awesome opportunity to just, ya know, adopt a wide stance, hold my dress out a little ways, and answer nature's call the way our four-legged friends do. My girlfriend told me she didn't think it was a good idea, but that wasn't strong enough of an argument against what I thought would be a revolutionary lifehack. Very quickly I realized the error of my ways as I, a 24 year-old adult with a college degree and numerous other hallmarks of successful social/mental development, of my own free will and volition, proceeded to get my own urine all over the hem of my dress and my feet/legs. My girlfriend then explained to me *after* that she knew it wouldn't work because she tried it at some point, but didn't pitch her warning to me as such because she thought I might have some superhuman ability to aim or something. Luckily she had some sanitary wipes and I was able to get cleaned up without humiliating myself in front of other people, but here I am sharing this story to humiliate myself for you all.

Feel free to either just laugh or chime in with your own stories of stupidity.

[snipelfritz]

You a little pee pee boy.

[Disarm D'arcy]

You a little pee pee boy.

/end thread.

[popvulture]

#classylady

[snipelfritz]

You a little pee pee boy.

/end thread.

I'm sorry. I did not intend to be a meanie weenie. As I like to urine everywhere, I can empathize with your plight. Just do be careful with your splitter splatters.

May your mountain always be home to the bears.

[01010111]

I'll share.

I was having a bad gastrointestinal day. Knew something bad was going to come rushing out of downtown. Didn't have to go anywhere, but decided to go run errands. It hit when I was in a department store, in the very back of the department store. However, that particular store only had restrooms in the very front. So, I ran. I made it to the stall.... and didn't quite get my pants down before it hit. I lost more than my underpants that day....

Moral of the story, don't run errands when you have the shits.

[baremountain]

oh my god dude

you can't aim? why? hahaha

i'm going with a buddy and we're dressing up as finn and jake
where/how'd she get the hat? looks great

Haha I should have clarified, but the aim wasn't so much the issue as the splashback. If anything the lesson I learned is to heed snipelfritz's warning and been careful with my splitter splatters.
But she actually sewed her hat and backpack and my crown from some felt. It took a while, but they came out looking pretty great.

I'll share.

I was having a bad gastrointestinal day. Knew something bad was going to come rushing out of downtown. Didn't have to go anywhere, but decided to go run errands. It hit when I was in a department store, in the very back of the department store. However, that particular store only had restrooms in the very front. So, I ran. I made it to the stall.... and didn't quite get my pants down before it hit. I lost more than my underpants that day....

Moral of the story, don't run errands when you have the shits.

thanks for chiming in

[fcknoise]

I want to do adventure time costumes!!! Vid, when are you being finn and jake??? I can be bubblegum or treetrunks or peppermint butler or whoever

[Disarm D'arcy]

He's thin and blonde. If he likes to go shirtless he can be Toad. If not, he's gonna have to put up with Peach.

[gnomethrone]

one night after i had drank way too much i woke up needing to puke. i got up to run to the bathroom but it was too late. wanting to contain the mess, i grabbed the first item i saw on my bedroom floor and used it to catch the contents of my stomach. unfortunately, that item was a pair of sweatpants. i tossed them in the trash, cleaned myself up and went back to bed. i woke up the next morning to my girlfriend asking what the fuck was on the floor. i discovered that the pant leg had funneled my barf into a perfectly round pile of spew.

[Achtane]

My girlfriend got out of work late one night, so I had already eaten dinner, and I was slightly hungover that day so I had already been chugging water. I had a cup of coffee before heading over, then drank another glass of water to keep me from drying out even more. I was really, really full.

So I get in the car, put it in drive, start to yawn and throw up all over myself and my seat. It was total liquid. Yay me.

[Jwar]

Fuck it, I'll share. I've pissed my pants several times...but that's not what I'll share.

I was told not to trust your farts after 30 and oh man is that shit true!

One day I was picking my kids up from the sitters, who happened to be good friends I've know since I was 15, so super comfortable with them. Anyway, I always fart because I actually have a stomach disease which cause me to an abnormal amount of times a day. I had to fart and thought it would be funny to lift my leg and fart. Next thing I know, I was running for their bathroom. When I got in the bathroom, I screamed for my wife. She came to the door and I told her I'd just shit my pants. hahaha. It was so fucking embarrassing and I had to throw my underwear away and luckily it stayed in them and not all over my pants! My friends were laughing so hard at me! LOL!! When I came out my buddy was literally on the floor laughing. FUCK! I've never lived that one down.

Worst thing is that I've done it a few times here and there, but mostly at home. Sigh.

[neonblack]

Well I wasn't going to share my shit stories but this is a safe space. This was 8 or 9 years ago.

I had been sick for a couple days, mostly stomach crap, but I was constipated as fuck for like 3 days. I took a laxative but threw up shortly after and figured that was that. I really wanted a salad or something so my gf at the time took me to Panera.

We were sitting on the patio eating and I felt a fart coming on. We farted around each other all the time and I thought it would be funny to make it a loud one so I squeezed my cheeks together and pushed for maximum flappage. Instead of the fart noise I was expecting, there was just a wet sad squirting noise and I got a deer in the headlights look. My gf knew exactly what had happened and almost choked she laughed so hard.

So I made the walk of shame all the way through the store to the bathroom, squeezing the cheeks together the whole way.

My gf felt so bad for me that she took me home and said she was going to get some medicine for me. She came back with some Pepto and an Xbox 360. All in all, not a bad day.

[snipelfritz]

I'd poop my panties for a WiiU

[neonblack]

This was 8 years ago, mind you.