chuckjaywalk wrote:It is a quiet agony. There is a weight crushing me every day and that weight is my car. It needs a new headgasket, but I can't afford that. I'm not mechanically inclined and my garage is dirt floored and has no electricity. Every day, I don't know how I am getting back and forth to work, or even if I can. Twice this week, I was stranded for over 4 hours after my shift. I can't leave. I can't run errands. Every single moment of every day is covered by a black cloud. I can't go to the laundromat. I can't go to the grocery store.. My roommate, who is firmly a roommate now, doesn't talk to me. She avoids me, no matter how sunny my disposition. I am alone all day at work. I'm alone or worse at home. I don't have friends. I can't go anywhere. I am broke. I have all but the most indispensable pedals on Reverb. I can't even buy a gun to end this. I am like Prometheus stuck on a rock. I just want to go to work. I want to pay my bills. I want to not be alone every moment of every day. I'd like some affection. I can't go on a date. I can't go out for a drink.
Oh, hi! I'm a carless IT guy who works graveyard shifts and lives with his ex-girlfriend. I'm sad all the time and I want to chew my arm off, but I'm a good cuddler and I like pizza.
it'll get better
I went through a really bad divorce and lost my house through it
and my dogs were split up
and my credit was/is fucked
I'm pretty much celibate
live at home again
but looking on the bright side of all this which has been hard to do
I had to go through a lot to shed it all off
and delve into past shit too
but has made me confront things that are making me stronger
and have a new perspective on life in general
and know what I want out of it
just trying to still figure out how to balance it in the system we've created
it's really fucked having us chase our tails all the time
the class system is really showing itself these days
YOU CAN DO THIS.
really deep breaths help me when I feel like I'm going to explode.
until I feel calm again.
anyways not trying to preach but want to send good vibes.
edit.
it's fucking sunny here finally so I'm taking my deaf awesome dog for a motherfucking walk in the woods by a raging stream to a waterfall destination.
I could work on my resume but I could also do that later.
YO.
edited gaain. didn't get to go because of beast issues with her mouth
got to go for a walk that made me grit my teeth
yay!
weed and whiskey
till another day
