An Alternate Take On Trigger Warnings

[chuckjaywalk]

I know "political correctness" and the such are frowned upon here, but I hate to see legitimate trigger warnings thrown out with the bath water.

I make no secret of my struggle with mental health, particularly depression and anxiety. The root of these issues for me is in my high level of suggestibility, caused by having Borderline Personality Disorder. The symptoms can be positive, at times. I respond strongly to positive feedback, compliments, and affection. Music moves me at an almost cellular level. My entire worldview can be shifted by a song I hear on the Muzak at a taco joint. The symptoms can also be negative. Insults are internalized and rendered true. "Why yes, I am fat and lazy and no good. Thanks for reminding me!" Disappointment on someone's face or in their voice is crushing. I catch myself seeing portents in the dumbest things. This suggestibility means that a review of a movie can color my thoughts on it permanently. A commercial can make me feel like the only food in the world is a Taco Bell Crunchwrap and I will starve without it.

Two brief stories. First, I was watching the evening news about a year and a half ago and an hour later, I had dragged my son and ex-wife to Dickie's BBQ for sandwiches and a Big Yellow Cup full of sweet tea. While I waited for her to bring the sauce to the table, I flipped through my phone and saw an article covering a story from that day's news. In far-flung Arizona, some people were rendered ill be tainted sweet tea. At a Dickie's BBQ. Seeing the Big Yellow Cup on TV had made me insatiably hungry for the delicious taste of Texas Chopped Brisket sandwiches and (hopefully untainted) sweet tea.

Second, I have, in the past, struggled with the idea of killing myself. Obviously, I have not, but the idea was firmly in my mind. I made plans. I wrote notes. I bought tools. I managed to talk myself out of it, but only barely. Most days, I don't even consider it, but because of the uncontrolled thoughts I sometimes have, it will come back. I heard a story on the radio about someone jumping in front of a train. When I was running errands, I ended up at the bank, in line. I stood there, patiently. I waited and waited. People chattered and looked at their phones and radiated casual anxiety. I soaked it up like a sponge. By the time I got to the counter, I had killed myself a dozen times: slitting my wrists with my pocket knife, stealing the security guard's pistol, running into the highway. I used the psychic bulwark I have built in my mind using DBT to fight these urges, but they were still trying to invade.

I'm not telling anyone not to make suicide jokes or to be "politically correct." Fuck, I make suicide jokes, sometimes, and I know people who have tried and succeeded. I don't have a call to action. even. I just want people to realize that just because they are in full control of their mind, not everyone else is. It isn't a matter of will or weakness. It is a matter of being put together differently. I'm relatively stable, employed, and not a risk, but not everyone is so lucky.

[Invisible Man]

Well said, CJW. I'm sorry to hear about your recent troubles, too--my mom has BPD, but refuses to get treatment or help, and it causes all kinds of issues for my own family, as I'm sure you can guess. So I empathize, even if I don't understand fully.

The only thing that's worth saying for me is that I'd distinguish between the conversations that are happening on college campuses, and in the public sphere. College students willingly put themselves (and pay lots of money) to be exposed to new ideas, have difficult conversations, and to spend time around "experts" in whatever fields they're interested in. For them to try and impose limits on colleges and universities is a huge bummer, as it serves as a good example of the new "customer service" model that higher ed is falling victim to. Rather than trusting curriculum, professors, research, and academic tradition/history (or the history of scholarship), they trust their own politics. And, since they're being given more power (see customer service model above), they can make those demands, and have those demands met (see Missouri).

I'm not up to speed on that situation, so I won't comment too much. But whether or not students were right or wrong, it scares the shit out of me that we're now giving twenty-year-olds that power, and there's no larger sense of judgment or wisdom at play. It's kind of the same thing as the erosion of tenure, which guaranteed academic freedom (the collegiate equivalent not giving a shit about being PC) so that we could do good work, and not work that would have to make someone rich, or to be popular with the changing tastes of students.

Anyway, this has nothing to do with you. All I'm saying here is that trigger warnings are legit for individuals. Offending people based on who they are is a shitty thing to do, so I think everything you say above is wise. Challenging their ideas in a way that makes them feel threatened--legitimately or not--is called education.

[Jwar]

Being politically correct and being civil are completely different things in my mind. Political correctness is calling Caitlyn Jenner a hero, which is fucking absurd. Or not making a Bill Cosby date rape joke, which come on, is also absurd. We laugh at things to deal with them. Correct or not, it's a coping mechanism for most people.

Now being civil to someone is not insulting them directly or trying to harm them in anyway. It's a grey area especially on the internet because you literally have no way of knowing who you might offend because let's be honest, we all don't really know each other that well. We know the handles, but not the people.

I could say something that I'd think was ok amongst friends and completely insult the shit out of someone else without even knowing it because I don't know who is going to be hurt by what.

So we get into this habit of saying things either A)intentionally to hurt people or B)have no way of hurting people. We bite our tongues even though we want to laugh. Is it better that way? I don't know. I don't think so, but that's just who I am. I'm very honest, very open, and speak my mind regardless of if it's right or wrong. That's something that I personally have an issue with (like it's a mental condition. I'm a bit of a blutter).

I myself have dealt with suicidal issues since I was very, very young. I'll be honest. I was a cutter from age 8 to about age 26. I have scars everywhere and for the most part, my tattoos cover my shame. I have also stuck a loaded gun in my mouth more times than I can count. I even tried to killed myself on several occasions as a teen by ODing on drugs or by drinking myself to alcohol poisoning. For whatever reason, I'm alive and well now.

I stopped drinking, drugging and cutting at 26 after spending 30 days and nights in a treatment center. It changed my life. Then I saw a psychologist twice a week for 4 years. My life is COMPLETELY different now.

I was diagnosed PTSD and Bipolar. I've struggled, and struggled, and struggled, but I never give up.

When people make jokes, I laugh as long as they are not outwardly just trying to be a complete asshole. For instance. I have a friend, I use that term very lightly, that was making fun of a suicidal teen on Facebook. She was his "friend" and he was telling her she has no reason to be depressed. I blasted him. He's a fool and should shut his fucking mouth. We don't talk very much, but he is the very definition of white trash and disgusts me. But I would never tell him that out of respect for his feelings, which I'm not sure why I even care.

So what am I getting at? Well I think people are WAY too fucking serious. Life to me should be taken somewhat lightly at times and serious at other times. It's a delicate balance. It's impossible to please everyone and to not offend others. It's just impossible. I could say something plain as day and someone could get really, really pissed at what would be normal for me to say. I'd never know either because most people are so passive aggressive, they won't tell you they are hurt. So I say what I feel and want and just try not to be the biggest dick alive. Although I'm sure some here probably think I am. Believe me, I'm a really nice guy and would break my back to help others.

I do agree with what you're saying in general though. Some folks cannot help the way they react to things on the net or otherwise. In that case, they need to take an active role in fighting their disease or affliction. Whatever that means for them. Fight back. Don't give up and resign to it. Fight until you can't anymore, then get up and fight again. This is what I and I am stronger everyday for it.

I hope some of what I said makes sense? I feel like I'm babbling. lol. It'd hard to write my true thoughts on a forum.

But anyway, peace love and fuzz brother!

[hbombgraphics]

Chuck, this is a good reminder.

Sometimes I do think I forget that people on the other side of the internet (not sure how it works I guess) may have struggles/triggers, that I don't relate to, or won't understand.

It's easy to assume that everyone is a board at work person who thinks this is all funny, when some things that are said can be pretty hurtful. I always feel like if you are going to misfire you should misfire on the side of kindness. I have had some bad experiences in the past with internet communities where you forget that other people have very real emotional/mental needs that shouldn't be dismissed easily.

Not a big fan of having a list of taboo topics as sometimes even ignorant conversation can shed light on real issues, but I do think there are some obvious lines not to cross.

Thanks for the reminder and be well buddy!

[lost in music]

(not sure how it works I guess)

Series of patch cords, imo.

[Tristan]

Yeah man, my life motto basically is that if I can be myself, enjoy, not be too much in the way of others and possibly offer some help and enjoyment along the way I must be on the right track.
That's unintentionally already pretty hard as is since everybody has other opinions, feelings, trigger points and such.

Courageous of you to speak your mind and feelings the way you did, before reading your story I couldn't really imagine life could be like that for someone else.

My father is diagnosed with Borderline, Dependant and Schyzotypal Personality Disorder and he is Bipolar.
Sometimes I just don't know how to deal with it, is he okay at some points or is everything just pretty much always a mess and I just don't know because he doesn't tell me.
So even with close ones it's sometimes pretty difficult to see which is which and what is what.

I feel that if we as a species just were a bit more realistic with eachother and ourselves while at the same time cutting eachother and ourselves some slack, getting it off the hook so to speak, would make things quite a bit easier.
When and how I don't know though.

Thanks for sharing your insight, it really has given me an additional point of view.

[snipelfritz]

People (myself included) often forget this is the proper use of trigger warnings.

It's like a haunted house with a room full of strobe lights. You're going to want to let people who are seizure prone know what They're in for.

[t-rey]

Yeah - it all seems to get tangled together in a pretty big mess of semi-related things. I generally can't stand the SJW whining about dumb shit style of PC that seems to be prevalent these days, but feel like people can respect each other without going that far with it and using shitty terms like micro-aggressions or soft sexism.

And to jump off of sniplefritz's point - trigger warnings can be a useful and considerate thing when used appropriately (like if a lecture is about to lead to a discussion about suicide or sexual abuse or something else that may cause a person some legitimate duress), but like the PC thing, it's gotten lumped in with a bunch of other stuff that takes away from the actual purpose of them.

[Faldoe]

Chuck - Thanks for sharing your experiences. There is something interesting and important in what you say, regarding suggestibility. I think in our society, at least here in the USA, there is the mantras of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" and the notion of a meritocracy. This can lead people to view other people's lives as if existing in a vacuum, meaning that people choose how they live and can do whatever they want - career wise, etc, and also choose what to be and not be, effected/affected by. This type of thinking omits the reality that people are often subject to influences not in their control, or in their control without help - so chemical imbalances, and they can be brought into control with the help of medications and therapy.

It's easier for people to blame other's for their problems and not realize what effect/affect one's words can have on another person. it doesn't mean people with issues should be excused an coddled - people have to take control/try where they can. Jwar experience seem to speak to that - at least from what I got from what Jwar said - correct me if I'm wrong, Jwar.

Also, Jwar - do you think being able to laugh at things, even if they make strike a negative cord in us - unpleasant past experiences, is something we have to fight to allow for? I've had bouts of depression and suicidal ideation. I've head a gun with the thought of killing myself, I tried to break my neck though I'm not sure if the latter was truly intentioned to succeed.

Depression can be/is a battle that we can easily fall into deeper if we don't try, fight, ya? Do you think being able to laugh at something is similar? We can easily be offended by more and more. It seems like being able to laugh at something dark or "wrong" is like a means to escape it's power to confine us, or something.

I tend to have a dark sense of humor to begin with.

[Jwar]

I think I laugh at stuff to cope for sure. I mean, I know I do. I honestly have no other way to cope other than my families support. I used to drink to cope with stuff, but that was destroying my life.


People often think I'm weird or way too opinionated or even an asshole. I just am me you know?

[oldangelmidnight]

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Wendy Mass, after Ian Maclaren.
Remember this and you will be less likely to hurt people unintentionally.

[GardenoftheDead]

https://thenib.com/trigger-warning-brea ... cdeec070e6