The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread...

[BitchPudding]

Well, life has been strange lately to say the least.

Me and my wife had our second baby in September, a little baby girl we named Victoria. Shes the light of my world, she gives me a reason to get up and try. I love her so much it hurts, which is weird because she comes at a time where I feel the worst I've ever felt. This two year period robbed me of my 27th year of life being anything more than a wet fart, and the rest of the time just beat me to death until my body fused with the walls as a sad sort of pulp. I was so down for so long, and I ghosted the fuck out of this place. I feel bad, I miss you guys, Im glad to be back. But I didn't even feel like writing anything new until a few months ago.

Things are just starting to pick back up, which is nice. Baby is doing great, super cute as you'd expect. Rest of the family is fine. The little ideas that managed to squirm their way out during the pandemic have grown legs and become grown up songs that might be the next release me and Rose do. Odds are good, looking forward to that + touring.

Then my grandma fell and broke her neck.

They called it a c5 fracture. She lost the ability to move her arms and hands, and briefly her ability to swallow. Fortunately, the swelling at the fracture has reduced and shes regained movement of her arms and slight movement in her hands, so praise satan for that. Hopefully shes able to go home soon, but fuck all if it didn't scare the shit out of me. Shes 95 and the last Grandparent I have left. I'm grateful she got to meet both of my children and know them. But im still scared to lose her. Shes already faded plenty from dementia, but I still like to think she remembers me. At least a little.

So i dont know. Shits been fucked but also not fucked. I saw Idles last week, felt good to be beaten in the pit. My face hurt from smiling. I'm seeing JPEGMAFIA next week, so I imagine it will be a similar form of catharsis. God damn it I missed live music so bad.

Anyways, thats the end of my ranting. I'll be around a little more to talk that shit. Love you guys.

[01010111]

Well it’s official, I’m divorced.

[dubkitty]

been there, felt that.

[Gone Fission]

Love you guys.

Back at you. Good to see you. Sorry for the rough years. Congrats on the daughter—I’m glad she’s a light in your life.

[dubkitty]

the last two years took about 10 years out of me. seriously, i haven’t anything like the energy i had when i was seeing all those shows in 2018-19. at my age i don’t think it’s coming back, and that’s hard to deal with.

[$harkToootth]

Well it’s official, I’m divorced.

I'm so sorry m8. This really bummed me out. I still remember the video of you proposing.
You're so freaking handsome though, so if this wasn't meant to be, you will have no trouble bringing in someone else (I don't want to be too presumptuous about what happened, seeing as I live through you, my internet friend, mostly vicariously).

Things will work out. You will be happy again (I'm assuming you're not happy about this, could be wrong). Feel for you.

[Gone Fission]

Moving is bad enough. Moving the week of Christmas is bound to be worse.

[Dowi]

Started the year with an amazing series of events:
Sick with some sort of virus (not covid) the first days of january.
Daughter quarantined for 10 days as one of her kindergarten friends was found positive the day right after holidays ended.
My mother destroyed her shoulder in a ski accident last saturday, dislocation + displaced fracture. Tomorrow is surgery day, she'll need some prosthetic parts as the humerus bone is, as the doctor politely said, "in a really bad, BAD shape".
Broken the front left wheel (both wheel and tire) of the car yesterday - btw new tires bought at the beginning of december.
Ultimately a dear friend's parent is in a stroke-caused coma since yesterday with no chance of waking up.

2022: well begun is half done, right?

[vidret]

Started the year with an amazing series of events:
Sick with some sort of virus (not covid) the first days of january.
Daughter quarantined for 10 days as one of her kindergarten friends was found positive the day right after holidays ended.
My mother destroyed her shoulder in a ski accident last saturday, dislocation + displaced fracture. Tomorrow is surgery day, she'll need some prosthetic parts as the humerus bone is, as the doctor politely said, "in a really bad, BAD shape".
Broken the front left wheel (both wheel and tire) of the car yesterday - btw new tires bought at the beginning of december.
Ultimately a dear friend's parent is in a stroke-caused coma since yesterday with no chance of waking up.

2022: well begun is half done, right?

shit, all this in 2022?

I don't come into general discussion often, but I'm glad to see you peeps around. sometimes shit sucks, I think we can all relate these last few months. years?

[Dowi]

shit, all this in 2022?

I don't come into general discussion often, but I'm glad to see you peeps around. sometimes shit sucks, I think we can all relate these last few months. years?

I'm not used to rant but yeah, the first 20 days of January have been a real bummer. Anyway, i'm trying to stay positive and focus on more uplifting stuff, and ILF is definitely helping.

[chuckjaywalk]

I've had a Strat with locking tuners for the last 8 years and used them wrong the entire time. I feel like an imbecile.

[imJonWain]

Currently going through an amicable breakup of a long term relationship. We both still like and care about each other (she's realized she's gay) so no one is angry, but it's still hard & stressful. Mostly it's sorting out the grown up things while being sad that is hard.

On the bright side, I may move home to Boston if I can afford it! lol

[Chankgeez]

[friendship]

lol my therapist did the equivalent of when your hungover teacher puts on a video for the whole class, by spending our whole session just reading from the DBT Workbook at my obvious, visible disengagement.

[BitchPudding]

Well, this year has been a time.

I wont get into detail describing the parade of bullshit and unfortunate circumstances that have bared their fangs at me, but needless to say with the death of my dog, my grandmothers declining health and the stress of trying to be all smiles for my newborn daughter and FAILING has beat me face first into the dirt Yamcha style.

But really, my biggest struggle at the moment is drug use.

I started smoking weed pretty regularly pre pandemic, which during the pandemic has escalated into constant use every day for the past, shit must be at least a year, but it's hard to keep track at this point. Feels like I've been high the entire pandemic except for when my daughter was born.

Initially, I was getting high for the same reasons I imagine most people do. Its fun, takes some of the stress of my day away, and when you have bad mental health issues anything that takes you away from those feelings feels like a saving grace. And for a while, it worked even. But once the pandemic happened and various shitty things in my life followed, I smoked constantly. To run. I wanted to run away desperately from the feelings im struggling with, but in doing so I've trapped my brain in an endless loop of get high, go to work, come home, get high, sleep. Not to mention whats its done to my musicality and productivity. My studio has become less of a studio and more of just a straight up drug den.

I cant keep going on like this, and I wont. Weed is fine for some and I dont judge anyone for smoking but for me the dependency is slowly killing who I am. I dont need drugs to do the things I do or be the person I am. Im tired of using weed as a crutch when I need to face my problems to heal. I miss playing music because it made me feel something. I miss being able to have conversations with people without awkwardly dropping sentences. I miss feeling the bliss I used to feel from living my life without being drugged the fuck out all the time.

Maybe one day I'll be able to partake in the sweet leaf casually again, but for now, I need to be sober. I don't really have a support system for this outside my wife, and I'm not sure if we have a thread for sobriety check ins, but I'll check in here periodically and in the happy thread if things go well. These next few days are probably gonna be hell while my brain resets, but it'll be worth it to get the old me back.

I love you all, I miss you all. Wish me luck.