The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread...

[coupleonapkins]

but not quite @ the point of wanting to just torch it all and take up the contrabass kazoo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFVZXrxwoKw

NGL he's pretty good with the mallets on a bass tho (@6:30)

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmi50CQSkV0

[bubstance]

Came to a realization the other day that, after a long and toxic relationship, music doesn't bring me joy anymore.

It was the type of relationship situation where every time I would turn on a record or pick up a guitar, I would turn my head and see her scowling at me. It got to the point where even playing guitar quietly and behind a closed door (with headphones, no less) was enough to make her barge in and tell me to stop.

It's my fault for letting it happen and letting her treat me that way, though.

I don't play any instruments any more. In a way, she robbed me of the one thing that used to be my only escape from day-to-day life. When I met her, I was in a band. I played music. I wrote songs.

After meeting her and dealing with it all, I sold everything and just... stopped. I don't even turn on the radio or listen to what remains of my CDs.

When I do think about it (like now) I hate her for it, but after a few minutes it goes away and I stop feeling much of anything.

I don't want to hate her.

But because of her, I forcibly excised the one thing that brought me peace and solace... and now I seemingly can't get it back.

Oh well. Life goes on, right?

[John]

Just start listening to music as a form of exercise. If you have any way to make music, do that as an exercise too. Once you get used to it again the feelings will come back.

Not to blame the victim, but it is worth exploring what role you played in giving up music, and in giving your power over to her in general. You need to protect yourself from doing it again. My 2c

[friendship]

I agree with John. Obviously I don't know your specific situation, but here is some wild speculation based on my own experiences.

I think that sometimes we can reject vital parts of ourselves to avoid the pain of rejection from people we love. I emphasize the word reject because that part of you doesn't die. A love of music is still within you, it's just that now you associate it with shame and the pain of an unhealthy relationship. So your mind protects itself from that associated pain by shutting down whenever you try to engage with music. It's hard work, but I think addressing those feelings of shame and trying to be a caring, understanding partner to yourself will bring you back to the music you love. It sounds like you're still grieving the relationship, so try to be patient with yourself, and try to forgive yourself. You wanted love and acceptance and that is totally normal and human. If you want, you don't have to wait until you've dealt with the emotional fallout to engage with music, though. Start small and be easy on yourself. If you try to put on a favorite record, and it's overwhelmingly painful, it's okay to stop. You haven't failed. Give it a couple days and try again.

You can do it.

[bubstance]

I always forget how nice y'all can be. Thank you both for your words; they mean a lot.

It's been over a year since I last saw her and I still dream about her basically every night. It's definitely still a relatively fresh wound, but I'm trying to let it heal.

I can't quite quote efficiently in this browser (w3m lol), but thank you for offering ways to try and retrain my brain, peeps. I'll do what I can.

[Gone Fission]

Consider whether it would help you to have some marker of change/ending/renewal. Burn a smudge stick. Bust open a guitar-shaped piñata. Bust a disposable guitar. Get an instrument you would never have played before. Take up a new style or a radically new technique. Take lessons if you haven’t before, and if you have, left-field that shit.

Silly maybe, but something along these lines could help separate before-time and now-time to help you move forward.

[01010111]

To add to the good advice that’s already been shared, I agree that finding a way to create some sort of basic tolerance is a the best way to start. Also, as has been pointed out, working on the trauma that forced you to protect yourself by rejecting music is important in the long run. I am really sorry to hear you’ve had to deal with this. Having your greatest source of comfort become a source of pain is a kind of hell.

I have something similar I’ve been going through, nowhere near as severe as what you experienced, though. Mine’s made it difficult to enjoy listening to music, but making music has been fine (it has been very creatively repetitive because it has been an infinite echo chamber of listening only to my own ideas). What I’ve been trying is getting into vinyl. It’s helped me by providing a limited, controlled avenue that I can enjoy music through. I pick up a vinyl every other week or so. The goal is to listen to that record at least once. I buy stuff I either used to love and identify with or stuff I haven’t heard in a long time. It’s slowly helped me enjoy listening to music again, and it feels like I’m slowly rebuilding my musical identity. I used to struggle to enjoy listening to one record a week, and now I can listen to multiple and it’s starting to feel relaxing again.

[UglyCasanova]

Some fuck stole my phone off of my desk at work today. I've had it for 7 days. Bunch of pics and videos of our newborn baby. I'm malding.

[Dowi]

Ugh, sorry for that UC (also congrats for the baby)

[UglyCasanova]

Thanks, buddy

[hbombgraphics]

UC - That sucks about the phone and congratulations on the baby, anything you can do to track it down? I feel like some sort of sting operation is needed.

Bubstance man.....that full on sucks, how can we help? Need me to send you some CD's????

[Gone Fission]

Sick. Both me and the missus. Don’t think it’s Covid, but hurling violently. Haven’t been sick like this in an age. Only silver lining is that missus is trending back towards okay with 12 hours. I’m still in the trough.

Even if Covid drops off the face of the earth, I’m going back to masks, social distancing, and sticking to my bubble from here on out because all of the filthy animals out there who still haven’t learned to wash their muppet hugging hands.

[hbombgraphics]

Sick. Both me and the missus. Don’t think it’s Covid, but hurling violently. Haven’t been sick like this in an age. Only silver lining is that missus is trending back towards okay with 12 hours. I’m still in the trough.

Even if Covid drops off the face of the earth, I’m going back to masks, social distancing, and sticking to my bubble from here on out because all of the filthy animals out there who still haven’t learned to wash their muppet hugging hands.

dude sorry you are sick, it does seem like me and the fam are getting more weird colds and such now, wife is a pre-school teacher so everything comes home, people still don't stay home when sick in the US, think it's that bootstraps work culture that is killing us all.

[Chankgeez]

^^^ That exactly. People don't seem to understand the concept of public health. (I almost wrote "purple health". )

[imJonWain]

yeah, even before COVID I never understood why if you feel like ass and are coughing + sneezing why you'd go out in public around people.