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What would you rather get your significant other even though you know they'll look at you weird either way?

• - A wood grain steering wheel for a Mustang owned by SO (steering wheel is cracked in 4 places/has no horn)
  - A rechargable vacuum (mentioned several times in conversation)

If Rechargable vacuum, is it:

• -insulting...you know the classic gift
  -helpful, because I can clean for them more viewtopic.php?f=42&t=58680&p=1271026#p1271026

If steering wheel, is it:

• -Homer Simpson's bowling ball viewtopic.php?f=42&t=58680&p=1271021#p1271021
  -Just something to get the job done viewtopic.php?f=42&t=58680&p=1271316#p1271316

Continue with questions and answers.

Why not both?

(steering wheel must be bowling ball)

Damn.
I thought this was gonna be a choose your own adventure thread.

Isn’t it?

Wheel. Never a vacuum.

Listen to ILFcast for choose your own adventure.

Agreed on never a vacuum, unless it’s balling like a dyson or something.

Fuck that fancy design Dyson shit. Gimme a mini rechargeable shop vac.

So Jerry picked the steering wheel and his wife was pretty happy because he couldn't see through the awkward, "I want you to be happy"-smile that he got in return. Months later, Jerry put the steering wheel on the Mustang and she sat in the driver's seat with the same smile.

"When do I get to drive it?"

Jerry fumbled and said,

• -"Soon" viewtopic.php?f=42&t=58680&p=1271160#p1271160
  -"You can drive it now" viewtopic.php?f=42&t=58680&p=1271317#p1271317

It's xmass so giving a gift that keeps on giving is important. I think what you really need to consider is a reindeer: it could be a nice pet, you could eat it, you could dress like an elf and ride around on it, lots of possibilities

Maria unwrapped the present on Christmas day.

"Dyson v6...he does listen!" she thought.

She pieced it together and thumbed through the history of Dyson catalog. Jerry had his tools read to attach the hanger to the wall. Couple of screws, some missed stud holes and it was done.

Jerry kneeled down to one knee to plug in the charging base. There was a slight blackness on the plug. He brushed over it with his index finger and mouthed, "What the fuck?"

He slowly rubbed his fingers together in a pulsating snapping motion like he want to ball the black substance between his fingers. A light jumped from his fingers and flashed his eyes. He saw a few dark spots.

Jerry:

• -said, "I'm going to take the box to the recycling" and left out the back door.
  -said, Hey, Maria, did you see that?"

Oh shit. Here we go.

Steering wheel, and a cute little French Maid's outfit YOU can wear while YOU vacuum.

* * *

Sandra used to be in the Stanislaus County Fire Department. She broke her back and took her disability checks to start a new life outside right around Vallejo.

The sign in front of her apartment said Madam Terri. Sandra read spirits, cards, and palms to supplement the government checks. A few WordPress setup-jobs passed her way over the couple of years she's rented this one-bedroom apartment.

At around noon, Sandra dealt out 5 cards from a worn Aviator deck. Jack of hearts, 6 of diamonds, Ace of diamonds, 6 of clubs, King of clubs, 3 of hearts reading from right to left. She drew another card from the deck and placed it sideways over the 6 of clubs.

From the Rider-Waite deck to her right, she drew the Heirophant, reversed.

***

• -Maria watched the Mustang linger in the drive way for a few more months.
  -The next week, Jerry got the mustang running well enough for Maria to take it to work.

Anybody else can join in.

I'm not wearing a French Maid's outfit any more than I already do though.

What if they're coveralls that just happen to look like a French maid's outfit?

Hahaha


Maybe? Is lace as good as microfiber on sweatbands?