Grand But Empty Gestures or New Year's Resolutions
Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 3:59 am
I am trying to start off 2016 on the right foot, with a few minor changes to my outlook. Nothing major, but hopefully I can stick to it. I'm actually starting now instead of waiting for the 1st, hoping to sneak them past myself.
1. Calling my son weekly. This one is easy, but I have made it hard. I have so much guilt and shame regarding my ex-wife, our divorce, my breakdown, and, frankly, my abandonment of them both. I lost my mind and they suffered and continue to suffer for it. I can take an hour a week to call him and talk to him. I have to work through the shame and anxiety and rebuild our relationship. I have to. For both of us.
2. Reading. I will not play with my phone in bed. I will not immediately turn on the TV. I used to focus so much on mindfulness and I lost track of it. No more eating in front of the TV. I will read books and magazines. Internet content is fine and good, but I need to read longer, more informational pieces. Extend my attention span.
3. No more hype. Enjoy things as they come. Digest them. Less media enjoyed more deeply. Get out of the cycle of hype>anticipation>expectation>disappointment.
4. Pedge. I know you snorted there. I did too. I have an amazing board. Like, the thing of fantasies. Dream caliber. I don't NEED anything. I don't even really want anything. So, I am selling the stuff I have for sale and enjoying what is on my board. No new pedals until July 1st. Nothing. Listen to music instead of demo videos. Explore what I have instead of daydreaming about other gear. Fucking play guitar and stop talking about it.
1. Calling my son weekly. This one is easy, but I have made it hard. I have so much guilt and shame regarding my ex-wife, our divorce, my breakdown, and, frankly, my abandonment of them both. I lost my mind and they suffered and continue to suffer for it. I can take an hour a week to call him and talk to him. I have to work through the shame and anxiety and rebuild our relationship. I have to. For both of us.
2. Reading. I will not play with my phone in bed. I will not immediately turn on the TV. I used to focus so much on mindfulness and I lost track of it. No more eating in front of the TV. I will read books and magazines. Internet content is fine and good, but I need to read longer, more informational pieces. Extend my attention span.
3. No more hype. Enjoy things as they come. Digest them. Less media enjoyed more deeply. Get out of the cycle of hype>anticipation>expectation>disappointment.
4. Pedge. I know you snorted there. I did too. I have an amazing board. Like, the thing of fantasies. Dream caliber. I don't NEED anything. I don't even really want anything. So, I am selling the stuff I have for sale and enjoying what is on my board. No new pedals until July 1st. Nothing. Listen to music instead of demo videos. Explore what I have instead of daydreaming about other gear. Fucking play guitar and stop talking about it.
