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What's the secret? I feel like having a successful marriage is far more straightforward than the diplomacy required to navigate individual and collective creative visions.

Discuss.

It's not easy! I think the most important piece of advice I have from a musical perspective is drop the ego. Don't be too attached to your own ideas, and be prepared to accept and welcome criticism. I've been in bands where people have taken it way too personally when people haven't liked songs or ideas they've brought to the table, and it's not fun at all. Keep the music discussion about the music.

Probably related to why some people are in more than one band.

Personally I think it depends on who does the writing. As the primary writer for my group, I've always got to be willing to try new suggestions on the material I'm working on. A lot of times the collaboration improves it when I would have been content to just leave something alone. Clear communication is important, and I think every member needs to be open to a "give and take" compromise system if everyone is trying to write for one project. It's balancing that with sticking to your creative vision that's tricky.

As above, exactly.

Check your ego and encourage each other's ideas. There's always one in my experience, which is why nothing has lasted as long as I wanted...maybe I've been it, maybe it was others, but playing with best friends is more enjoyable than musical acquaintances.

All of the above is good advice.

Keep things clear and straightforward. Don't play games or politics to get your way. That is something I have witnessed way too often (and hated) in past bands.

editing this because it didn't really answer the topic:

work out which is more important. Being in a band that's focused on the music or being in a band that's focused on doing something with your friends.

I've been in bands with people that are more like colleagues. It works and they were by far the most successful. Right now I just wanna make music with friends and I'm super lucky that I know people who are on the exact same page musically and ambition wise.

Keep in mind it's just music man. It's something we do that if you get right down to it is kind of fundamentally absurd on some level. Why do it if it's a chore? I quit one of the best bands I've ever been in because it felt like a complete hassle playing shows and the lyrics that were getting written for the next record were something I didn't want to be part of. They'll probably be better without me and I'm happier not doing something that felt more like obligation, standing there playing to people that paid to see us wishing it was over. You can always start again. We all spend so much time, money, effort, emotional and intellectual energy trying to write music that if it's making you unhappy most times it's better to get that unhappiness out of your life. If you're in a band where the music is above all else the focus, you can work it out like you would with a co-worker. If you're in a band because you like the people, sometimes it's more important that you stay friends rather than do music together.

i just make sure i have the biggest ego in the room? like, if i'm not the motherfucking STAR, really, what is the point?

behndy wrote:i just make sure i have the biggest ego in the room? like, if i'm not the motherfucking STAR, really, what is the point?

This, all the way. This is the reason I play the only melodic instrument in my little thing.

I do crave collaboration a lot though, but I'm also a narcissist. It's rough.

i mean, f'reals talk, what everybody else said. if you're the primary writing human, realize that someone else might not dig it or their take on a piece might be better.

i have no luck with singers, so i gots zero advice about that.

i like the distinction between comfy friend playing and WORK WORK WORK. i've only ever found success and happy butt wiggliness with a combo of the two, but being pushed can be PRODUCTIVE.

The only way I can be around my bandmate a lot sometimes involves being a complete asshole to him. He's an asshole in his own ways so it balances out.

When I'm around him, I honestly feel like the dog from those Animaniacs bits with the baby that is constantly wandering off and touching things it shouldn't be. Embracing/expressing these feelings has become a necessity.

HAVN wrote:What's the secret? I feel like having a successful marriage is far more straightforward than the diplomacy required to navigate individual and collective creative visions.

Discuss.

As someone who is in a band (duo) with the person I'm married to, I will say that pretty much everything everyone else has said applies to both. Checking the ego, remaining open, not taking things personally... and also, in my case, knowing what's for the band and what's for my own projects. (I'm not talking about fidelity here, I'm talking about when to drag my wife to see some SF flick or weird band and when to go it alone, or with other friends).

Also worth noting: clearly delineate who is responsible for what if you're trying to do anything other than get drunk and jam. This is esp. important if one person is writing most of the music, I've found.

Like others have said, don't be offended when your bandmates want to rewrite parts of your song or just plain don't like it. It happens. As a bassist, it's been especially frustrating for me when other guys (almost always guitarists) bring in a song and they are pretty adamant that the song is fully fleshed out and ready to go, and bass line they wrote is basically just quarter notes following the root note of the guitar chords ... and that's it ... for the entire song. Then they get offended when I want to change it up a bit.

Lots of good thoughts here that I want to respond to. Appreciate everyone chiming in.

Not sure if anyone saw this, but Reverb posted something really interesting / sort of relevant: https://reverb.com/blog/five-laws-of-pr ... d-practice

snipelfritz wrote:The only way I can be around my bandmate a lot sometimes involves being a complete asshole to him. He's an asshole in his own ways so it balances out.

When I'm around him, I honestly feel like the dog from those Animaniacs bits with the baby that is constantly wandering off and touching things it shouldn't be. Embracing/expressing these feelings has become a necessity.

This is an amazing reference.