You think i went too far?
Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2013 10:04 pm
I just sent this to a girl that just wouldnt let it go. I wouldnt say we were in a relationship or anything but she calls me randomly at 4 AM to tell me she couldnt stop thinking of me all day and sends me links of this that made her think of me or tells me shes screaming my name out while shes masturbating. Just shit like that. So i sent her this. I figure if i just let it all out and tell her every batshit crazy thing that enters my mind when i think about her shell be so freaked out that she will fuck off forever.
I swear to god you should just walk around with a sign that says "fill me with dick or bullshit but either way dont let me think for a second about being alive"
goddamnit it makes me so fucking angry that i wasted time withy ou people like
when im getting everything else right.....why the fuck am i failing again here?
why dont i just recognize big empty vacuous fucking holes instead of people
is it because im lonely or just idiotically optimistic?
either way i need to get this shit figured out before i lose it
its like more than anything i want to be told and really believe that somebody love me
of course
but its always give me your humanity
big fucking lampreys that fucking suck anything thats good about me down into their nothingness
id cry if crying was something i was capable of
i dont understand why people cut themselves instead of just smashing their head into the wall
like on cartoons
just walk up to the wall and fuckin crack your head against it
is it the popping when they cut their arm and leg?
like a sausage
god thats disgusting
is it a visceral release like that?
either way i cant fucking deal with nothings
why the fuck do you even bother saying you like grind
did you just fuck alot of guys that liked it?
was that like your signifier?
there are alot of shitheads that like grind and supreme or whatever
that was like
your red flag
this guy will fuck me
he likes grind and supreme
thats removed enough from normalcy that i can leach some out like the cum he shoots me up with
thats fucking reprehensible
but youre no worse than they are
OH MY GOD I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANY
THATS WHY YOU WANT TO DO PORN
fuck ok here
instead of doing just straight porn
just have someone film every second of one of your fakeass relationships
it will be much more cathartic for you
instead of figuratively devouring what they are vis-a-vis taking them inside of you it will be a record of you quite literally robbing them of whatever it is you need
is it relevancy?
like....them actually having a reason to be there?
but just to be clear
i think theres a part of you
that may be dead for all i know
that was pretty
that i could have cared about
that was soft and embracing and warm
something besides my hope that kept me doing it
fuck that felt good
have a great life rachel