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Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 5:30 am
by ZiltoidTheOmniscient
I, Am Ziltoid. The Omniscient.
I have come far from across the Omniverse. You shall fetch Me you universe's ultimate cup of coffee. Black.
You have five Earth minutes*. Make it perfect!
* I realise many of you will not read My statement in time (I am Omniscient, after all). Therefore, you have five minutes from when you first read this. I will know (you know, being Omniscient).
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 5:32 am
by theavondon
Where's Spaceritual...
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 7:05 am
by alexa.
Oh hi Devin.
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 7:08 am
by ZiltoidTheOmniscient
What? No. Ziltoid. Devin's... err... got his hands full.
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 7:32 am
by IEatCats
Okay, Devin.
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:57 am
by SPACERITUAL
THIS BOARD UNDER MY PROTECTION. DO NOT START AN INTERSTELLAR INCIDENT YOU CANT FINISH.
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:59 am
by SPACERITUAL
ALSO I SEE YOU HAVENT APPLIED WITH THE OFFICE FOR BEINGS RECENTLY TRAPPED IN HUMAN FORM. YOU HAVE FIVE DAYS TO REGISTER OR RECOGNITION OF YOUR SPACEYNESS CANNOT BE GUARANTEED.
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:00 am
by SPACERITUAL
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. CHILD SUPPORT. LOTS OF IT.
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:05 am
by ZiltoidTheOmniscient
Shit, Devin, what do I do now?
Ah, all caps. You must be the tough guy.
I WILL LET YOU KNOW THAT I'M NOT TRAPPED IN HUMAN FORM, THE FACT THAT I'M ATTRACTED TO HUMANS (HOMOSEXUAL) DOES NOT MAKE ME ONE. BESIDES, THAT WAS IN COLLEGE. I WAS DRUNK, AND HE TRICKED ME. HIS DREADLOCKS ENTICED ME IN WAYS YOUR WHIMSICAL FOUR-DIMENSIONAL CONSCIENCE WOULD NEVER ASPIRE TO UNDERSTAND.
I think I handled that quite well.
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:08 am
by theavondon
Oh shit, it's on
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:11 am
by theavondon
First rule of ILF: Don't be a dick.
Little known second rule of ILF: All aliens must register with SR, or Bassus (There's no way "Finland" is a real place on earth)
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:14 am
by ZiltoidTheOmniscient
I'm not an alien; all of you are.
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:28 am
by Chankgeez
I know you are, but what am I?
Did somebody mention some ultimate coffee?
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:29 am
by alexa.
ZiltoidTheOmniscient wrote:I'm not an alien; all of you are.
Well you're on our turf so you're the alien. But that's ok. You don't have to worry. We stopped killing dolphins and whales a long time ago. You're completely safe here.
Re: Greetings, humans
Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:32 am
by IEatCats
Chankgeez wrote:I know you are, but what am I?
Did somebody mention some ultimate coffee?
Did nobody mention Ultimate Muscle?
alexa. wrote:ZiltoidTheOmniscient wrote:I'm not an alien; all of you are.
Well you're on our turf so you're the alien. But that's ok. You don't have to worry. We stopped killing dolphins and whales a long time ago. You're completely safe here.
Cats are still fine, right?