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Got arrested on my way back for a wedding because I didn't have the scrip for my Hydrocodone on me. I just had wisdom teeth surgery and my name was on the pill bottle. No fun for that night in jail but the charges were dismissed, and thankfully I have a good boss who forgave me for that situation, because the policy says I should have been fired for "no coverage regarding trouble with police (I actually almost got fired because I got held up with police that bled into work hours because someone broke into my house)."

TraceItalian wrote:(I actually almost got fired because I got held up with police that bled into work hours because someone broke into my house)

Where the fuck do you work?

Been arrrested, printed, put in cop cars, detained, &c. My ethnicity is dubious (Native American and a fairly swarthy strain of Italian), and I look very Arab when I grow out a beard. People usually guess I'm Iraqi or Lebanese or something, which I think has uh worked against me in some of the shitbag places I lived.

The moving to Taiwan to flee the country thing I mentioned a year ago in this thread (pretty sure statute is up; enough people here know who I am that I didn't want to say much about it) had a lot to do with said Italian family, most of whom have never 'worked' in ways that can be easily explained. Uncles Lorenzo, Rinaldo, and Marco have not always been great to have around...and one cousin--Lorenzo 'Little Larry' V******i looks a lot like me. He has to sneak back into Michigan every few Christmases.

Also I was a dumbass who was constantly broke--in large part because I chose a different path than la mia familia--so I got into trouble for forgery, petty theft, a couple kinds of evasion, &c to try and get through a college degree. Too expensive to be that poor, I discovered.

I've never been seriously in trouble with the law, but I have stumbled across their path a few times.

I grew up close to a WWII POW camp called Camp X or Camp 30 and we held quite a few bush parties in the woods nearby. On one such night, we were in the woods when some moron started setting off fireworks, which we knew meant it was a short matter of time before the cops would be around. So rather than heading out on the main streets, we took the back roads, straight through Camp X (we were high, kind of buzzed, and paranoid....) Minutes later, we were completely surrounded by cruisers. Turns out they were investigating a call about three kids setting off fireworks out near Camp X and we just happened to be 3 teenagers in the area. Bad news for us since two of us had a decent amount of pot on us and the other had a few bottles of booze (we were underage). So the cops searched us, found all the booze and confiscated it, lectured us about how we could all be charged with underage drinking, and let us go on our way. Not sure how they missed the pot on both myself and my buddy. It could have been a lot worse.

Another time, which was just pure stupidity on my part, we were drinking at a friends place and decided to go for a walk out in the woods. I tossed a few tallboys in my pockets and my buddy decided to bring a full 26oz of whiskey. Not too long into our walk we got stopped by some undercovers because they noticed our bottles. They were mostly looking at my buddy with the 26oz, so I tried to sneak away because I just had the tallboys and I didn't really think they saw them, but they had me too. They ended up charging us with having open liquor container, but only gave us one ticket. Again, it could have been much worse had they charged us both or had they charged us with something more like drunk and disorderly.

Oh, Canada. The true north strong and free.

someone posted this today:

Cop: Turn around.
Me : Every now and then
I get a little bit lonely
And you're never coming round
Cop: Turn around!
Me : Every now and ...
*gets tased*

Sure it's old but it made me laugh and now I have that song in my head and can't get rid of it, now it's you ... ;-)

jrfox92 wrote:

TraceItalian wrote:(I actually almost got fired because I got held up with police that bled into work hours because someone broke into my house)

Where the fuck do you work?

I work for a corporation that shares the initials as "Submachine gun" and also keeps tabs on non-disclosure violations (so let's not repeat the initials, huh?). Watching what's happening, it's clear that they're planning trying to push out all the people with experience to earn a decent pay (as far as the corporation goes, lot of us took pay cuts from our old jobs so we could have better work schedules, I used to make $23 an hour, now make $13.50, my coworker used to earn $32 an hour, now makes $14, a guy who actually is experienced in working on nuclear submarines and had a total of 18 degrees/master laborer certifications was making $18 an hour, etc. etc.) to hire cheaper people. Fortunately, they're pushing people a little too hard now, and in the year now they've maintained the property, have faced 2 lawsuits, about to get another one, and if they keep dicking over my coworker (who almost died thanks to this job), a 4th. My boss is a great guy who, through his connections, has been playing our defense well being the thin thread they have to keep the property, but it kinda looks like shit is going to hit the fan soon.

I spent pretty much all of my younger life in some sort of correctional environment. Then I married a cop. A Fed, at that.

There's definitely a sex joke there.

Cisco wrote:I spent pretty much all of my younger life in some sort of correctional environment. Then I married a cop. A Fed, at that.

I think Elmore Leonard wrote a book about that

jrfox92 wrote:There's definitely a sex joke there.

Not that exciting but, until recently, I held the superlative for having "never been pulled over" by a police officer . I pride myself on being a really safe and defensive driver...(I mean, I speed like everyone else but when I drive, I am so focused on avoiding death at all costs.)
...that said...for the once a week I actually have to go to my office I make an illegal U-Turn coming off a highway exit into town. I have been doing this for years because my office is in Newark, NJ and the police have MUCH more important things to worry about than pull over people making minor traffic violations. Well the other day, I make my illegal uturn and an NJ State Trooper is a couple cars behind me. I just know...his siren lights aren't even on yet and I start to pull over. The lights go on. He pulls up beside me, I already have my window lowered.

The office actually looked like a more muscular version of me (same haircut and facial mannerisms) and he gave me the smiling, chin down "...dude..." look I give people when I'm a little irritated but still good-humored. All I say is, "I know, I'm sorry" and he drives off. I was/am grateful I didn't a get a ticket of fined.

Part of me thinks there was a breach in a parallel universe where I became a police office and he came to warn me for my out of character instances of haphazard driving (this is clearly the most logical explanation). I since adjusted my course and it added a whole 55 seconds to my trip.

That's awesome.

So Halloween, I got shanghaied into bartending at a local party, and ended up drenched in beer. I finally get leave, and I'm heading home when my tire blows. I have a full size spare, but it has no rim, so I have to call a wrecker, dude says it'll be 3 hours before he reaches me, so 3 am. I fall asleep, get woken up by a cop. After 15 minutes of trying to convince her I'm the first person in human history to honestly say I hadn't had anything to drink, a bunch of beer had been spilled on me, I demanded a BAC. Came back with nothing, so she drove me back to my car to wait for the wrecker, and we sat in her cruiser, had a good talk about going back to school to finish her bachelors.

usually cops are fine with me. i try to be as polite as possible, even when i assert my rights. seems to work out okay.

except 2 times i can think of -

01) was about 19, with a bud, like 2 or 3 am going to an all night coffee spot to geek out. on the freeway before the exit, cop flashes his lights. as we're going down the off ramp he says over the speakers "take a right.". we do. "turn into that shopping area". we do. "keep going... behind that building.". we.... do. mind you, this is 20 years ago, before i ever reflexively had the thought that shit. this cop might shoot me.

after he told us to stop, he walked over with the flashlight at us, got close, got a disappointed look on his face, and grumbled, "shit. you're white." then just.... left. ASSHOLE.

02) mebbe 10 years ago? got pulled over on the side of the road on the freeway. don't remember what i did wrong, speeding or something stupid. middle of the day, still bright out. cop comes over to my window, asks for license and registration and insurance, goes back to his car. i'm checking my phone or something that distracts me and i guess he snuck up on the passenger side (window was rolled down) because suddenly he is just THERE, gun drawn, aimed at me, screaming, "GET YOUR HANDS ON THE WHEEL. PUT THEM ON THE WHEEL AND FUCKING STAY THERE.".

i...... DO.

he stands there, gun aimed at me, tells me to shut up every time i VERY NICELY try to ask what is wrong officer, until finally his radio mumbles something in Fast Food Driveway Speak that i can't understand. he tells me to relax, puts his gun away, goes into his car, comes back and casually hands me my papers and license and tells me i can go.

"...... GUY. what the HELL was that about?"

"oh, you're Ben Humphrey right? have you ever been to Arizona? there was a Ben Humphrey in the system that murdered 3 people there a few days ago. thought you might be him. but, picture came back. nope. you're good to go."

"well fuck me. what does he look like?"

"bald, way shorter. black."

"maybe.... check that.... first?"

and he.... laughed. reached in and swatted my shoulder. said something like Good One Buddy! then.... left.

damn near peed myself. luckily (?) it was like the 4th time i'd had a gun pointed at me so..... not NOT scary. but. easier?