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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEcuMt2crBk[/youtube]

What shark said about phone use I see dwindling, thank goodness..even though someone next to me girls school crashed into a stone mailbox texting other day, I see a lot of people smoking and kicking cans, trash everywhere. . so ghost in the Shell here we come....Facebook lobby implants is the next step. Walked into the grocery today and the automatic door froze and I got stuck using my elbows to pry it open...no one looked at me...it's normal now...a combination of scuddling electronic's and us finding our way..there's an oedipus rex situation in the decades to come, sex with androids, and like deckard we will regret it. When I aquire my first blaster I shall murder those A.I. like the dude in automatas opening scene.

I think the key to being a bastard is basically an obese ego and a total lack of self-awareness.
So if you want to go through with this new years resolution you should probably find whatever it is that makes you feel good about yourself, blow that up to epic proportions and use it to make everybody else feel bad about themselves. Say you've got well-proportioned testicles, large and proud, silky smooth skin and pumping with excitement. So far so good. But you need to let the world know about them! Tell everyone, ignore any of their reactions to it. Proceed to showing them around, let them dangle out of your pants at all time. Use every method and medium at your disposal to a) praise the greatness of your balls and b) slur all other balls in the world. It is important that you compare all the time, pity or shame the other testicles. Once you have perfected the method go ahead and use it on other stuff too. You can work your way from something that you actually feel glorious about to something utterly random, once you've got the hang of it.