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jwar wrote:I'm going to be buying a new laser machine. Yes you heard right.

If you end up doing this: MY BODY PEDALS ARE READY!

Eivind August wrote:

jwar wrote:I'm going to be buying a new laser machine. Yes you heard right.

If you end up doing this: MY BODY PEDALS ARE READY!

I already have... ideas.

Like wfs1234, I avoided this thread cause of what I've been going through. I ended up writing about it. etc.
http://strangetalesrec.com/post/1573610 ... on-from-it

Strange Tales wrote:Like wfs1234, I avoided this thread cause of what I've been going through. I ended up writing about it. etc.
http://strangetalesrec.com/post/1573610 ... on-from-it

I was nervous reading that. I teared up a bit. It hit really close to home. I'm glad you and others are doing well.

I've recorded and wrote a lot songs over the years but because my intense self-hatred I usually end up deleting them or destroying the notebook pages they are written on. I've squandered a lot of opportunities due to the depression/anxiety combo. Keeping busy has been the best thing for me. Not letting it even get in. But unfortunately that has cost me my creativity. I've rarely played over the last year that I almost feel like a beginner again. Which sometimes lets in negative emotions ("You have all this expensive equipment and can't play worth shit"). But I've giving myself one day to just do music has been helpful. As well as, giving myself a goal which is why I joined the song per month challenge.

tldr:
I'm a depressed bastard.
Make a routine .
Remember self-care!

vidret wrote:

Strange Tales wrote:punch life in the cock, and have a blast doing it.

read all this thread. stayed out of it 'cause I was down in the dumpsters, too.

Glad, so glad everyone is doing better!

jwar wrote: it's ... nice...., I don't deserve it...

this to me is the most sinister/cruel part of the whole depression thing. I have on so many occasions spent time of my life knowing I'm a useless waste of resources...at first being sad about that wasted time, but later deciding the very fact that I wasted all this time feeling useless instead of being awesome & becoming better deserves hard punishment: time feeling useless & unworthy. and so the cycle continued & strengthened to the point that it works like a legendary punishment to rival the likes of Sysiphos & Prometheus.


Both the Up & Down also soooo exclude each other in my perception.
If I'm Down change is unfathomable, Up makes me feel happyily ever after and so i usually neglect making arrangements that might help me while down.



So let's be wise friends:
when your UP, it's tempting to just enjoy life and get on with it. Please invest some time in taking care of/preparing for Down, change habits,
maybe find a supervisor/coach-type-person..If your Down, know your not alone, know you deserve good things, forgive yourself

Mang, u just gotta keep on keepin on mang. then when u feel like u have lost all hope, that's when u gotta really hit it. Do ur thing. Keep ur head up, and never give up. Don't lose hope. Remember: a half empty cup is also half full. Every cloud has a silver lining , mang. U may think u got it bad, but every coin has two sides. U gotta put on those rose colored glasses, and just have hope. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Things are never as bad or as good as they seem. And then repeat this every day: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. God's ur bro, mang. And Jesus, too. He's a bro. And Mohammed. Total bro. Buddha: bro. U got bros, mang. Just remember that.

Satan = bro. Zarathustra = bro. Odin = bro. Dionysus = bro. Gotta put on that happy face. When you get knocked down, gotta get up and dust yourself off. When you strike out, you gotta get right back up to that plate. When they go low, you go high. Yahweh = bro. Them wheels gotta keep turning. Every rose has its thorns. A smile a day keeps the doctor away. confucius = bro. Make America Great Again. We're Stronger Together. Hope. Change.

And don't forget what Nietzsche said: "In such an age, Kant will be a SCARECROW!"

Wittgenstein wrote:Satan = bro. Zarathustra = bro. Odin = bro. Dionysus = bro. confucius = bro.

If this doesn't make it onto the ILF swag and the 4chan face logo does, I'm deleting my account.

Ideally replacing Confucius with Lao-Tze.

if you clench your sphincter ass muscle a few times a day it triggers certain enzymes/dopamine in your brain/cells to stimulate serotonin which = happy feelings ...seriously take good shits and squeeze those ass's yall.

So I hate, hate to bring this up again, but I feel like I have no one to talk to.

I've still been having a ton of issues despite saying I'd be doing better. I'm realizing it's deeper rooted than what I originally thought.

Right now my situation is as such. I'm at home with my daughter from 8-5:30pm everyday. I find it hard to be motivated to accomplish anything. I'm making money from investments, but we still struggle financially because my business partner fucked me over for a goddamn year an I basically made nothing. So we accumulated debt while I was being promised the fucking world. That issue is partially solved because of my lawyer.

Now I find myself feeling trapped, lonely and worthless. I do not feel like I have much use as a human being aside from my parental responsibilities, which are big, I get that.

Acid Splash is not moving any where, so I can't work on that.
I can't make it to the gym when I want because my kid is always here and she fights me about the fucking kids club I pay for.
My role in the shit fitness company I was doing is gone, now I just collect a check.
I own properties, but there's very little to be done with them.
My friends never want to hang out or do anything fun and my wife and I never go out.

So I feel like my life is literally this. Wake up, take care of kids, go to bed. Maybe go to the gym if I'm lucky, Rinse and repeat.

I need something or I'm going to lose my fucking mind. I already have in a way and have been having lots of negative thoughts again.

I hate it.

My wife keeps telling me to go do stuff and I'm like "what? What do you fucking suggested because I don't know". She told me to go out of town and hang out with someone I know from here or Facebook but how do I do???

I just need a break. A re-charge. Something. Anything. I'm getting desperate.

^^^Quite seriously it has been my dream to be a stay at home dad since seeing "Mr. Mom" when I ws very young. Silver lining you are living my dream and at least someone is. One of my colleagues at work just put in his notice to be a stay at home pops and I couldn't be more furious at the universe. Literally all I have ever wanted in life is to smoke weed early morning style and play blocks, then go to the park. My daughter is 8 so the stay at home dad ship has sailed for me and it kills me to know that it will never happen.

Enjoy it while you can before they get to big and there is no need for a "Mr Mom" situation.

Financial issues aside I would strangle you and everyone here to live that dream.

I work a shit management gig and do okay. Not well enough to justify my being mostly absent during the week. Luckily my wife runs salon out of the house so she is home.

Just a different perspective.

for real....theres a song I probably shouldnt share cuz if you remember the lyrics some day you might cry a hard one....
[youtube][/youtube]

oh to be a father.

i'm assuming money is tight, but any chance you could send her to a part time preschool so you can have some time for yourself? even just a couple days a week could make a big difference and you can keep getting to the gym or turn up the amps ?