ilovefuzz.com

Posted: **Thu Jan 28, 2016 2:44 am**

Lot's of change all around you. You need to create some clear space to figure out what to do next, and not get distracted by the drama and energy that change creates. Focus on what's important for you.

Posted: **Thu Jan 28, 2016 2:56 am**

chuckjaywalk wrote:I drove to work tonight and the car started shooting out steam when I arrived at my destination. No idea if I can make it home or not. I was so optimistic this afternoon, but I am right back to scared. If this is a cracked engine block or even a headgasket issue, I'm fucked. I have no money and no tools and no car repair skills. The ex-girlfriend is definitely ready to be free of me, her foot is out the door. I'm genuinely afraid, now. I don't know what I am going to do, now.

you'll be good
no matter what
smoke a bowl. if you're into that
focus on what you have and where you want to go
not trying to sound higher than thou
trust me
my life is fucked
but I make the best I can
to get to the next level
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mONNPqNzMY0[/youtube]
godspeed you black emperor you

Posted: **Thu Jan 28, 2016 3:02 am**

decomposing wrote: not trying to sound higher than thou

Truth.

You have no idea how much I've written and deleted. Want to be able to give advice and everything I write makes me feel like an ass, like I somehow have it figured out, when I don't. Just trying to reuse the advice that's worked for me. Hope it helps.

Posted: **Thu Jan 28, 2016 9:14 am**

Hyphen Nation wrote:Lot's of change all around you. You need to create some clear space to figure out what to do next, and not get distracted by the drama and energy that change creates. Focus on what's important for you.

I've been trying and failing to write something like what Hyphen Nation wrote, but everything I tried seemed a bit dickish. But, yeah, this might be your window to retool things about your life so it works better for you. There's the current scramble of keeping above water, and then there's figuring out how you want things to be different. It might be job or career, place you live (dwelling/city/region), healthy regimes and how you take care of yourself, maybe something else. You're a good guy, Chuck, so you're definitely worth the work.

Posted: **Thu Jan 28, 2016 6:14 pm**

Im actually in kentucky right now. Its not the shittiest place ever. Plus one of those pairs of redwings is here soooo. Come to kentucky?

Posted: **Fri Jan 29, 2016 10:37 am**

Finding a new direction in life isn't easy. I just packed up everything I could fit into my car and moved from Maryland to Georgia and even though I have more financial stressors not living with my mom I am much happier and more motivated to do something with my life and escape retail. A change of scenery worked for me but I had a friend to move with and that helped a great deal. Do whatever you think will motivate you to rise above your situation, be it buckling down where you are, being with your parents, or floating around for a while. I just wish you the best of luck.

Posted: **Thu Feb 18, 2016 4:33 am**

Radio Edit

Posted: **Thu Feb 18, 2016 4:09 pm**

chuckjaywalk wrote:Update.

So, she's staying. That makes things a little easier. I couldn't afford to live if she had bailed. I took the car to a mechanic and it cost me an entire paycheck. I'm definitely not okay, but I am trying. I am trying to sleep the proper amount and remember to eat. I'm trying to be a person and not a vermin. Truth is, it is still hard. Truth is, I'm not a bad day away from breaking down, I'm a bad event away from losing it. There's virtually no stability. I wish I had a happy ending to tell you, but I don't. It just sort of ended up in limbo again.

if you can get some girl scout cookies, not the cookie

that strain is a godsend for turning shit around that is really bleak
or at least I feel like I can

Posted: **Tue Feb 23, 2016 11:26 am**

Radio Edit

Posted: **Tue Feb 23, 2016 2:13 pm**

chuckjaywalk wrote:It is a quiet agony. There is a weight crushing me every day and that weight is my car. It needs a new headgasket, but I can't afford that. I'm not mechanically inclined and my garage is dirt floored and has no electricity. Every day, I don't know how I am getting back and forth to work, or even if I can. Twice this week, I was stranded for over 4 hours after my shift. I can't leave. I can't run errands. Every single moment of every day is covered by a black cloud. I can't go to the laundromat. I can't go to the grocery store.. My roommate, who is firmly a roommate now, doesn't talk to me. She avoids me, no matter how sunny my disposition. I am alone all day at work. I'm alone or worse at home. I don't have friends. I can't go anywhere. I am broke. I have all but the most indispensable pedals on Reverb. I can't even buy a gun to end this. I am like Prometheus stuck on a rock. I just want to go to work. I want to pay my bills. I want to not be alone every moment of every day. I'd like some affection. I can't go on a date. I can't go out for a drink.

Oh, hi! I'm a carless IT guy who works graveyard shifts and lives with his ex-girlfriend. I'm sad all the time and I want to chew my arm off, but I'm a good cuddler and I like pizza.

it'll get better
I went through a really bad divorce and lost my house through it
and my dogs were split up
and my credit was/is fucked
I'm pretty much celibate
live at home again
but looking on the bright side of all this which has been hard to do
I had to go through a lot to shed it all off
and delve into past shit too
but has made me confront things that are making me stronger
and have a new perspective on life in general
and know what I want out of it
just trying to still figure out how to balance it in the system we've created
it's really fucked having us chase our tails all the time
the class system is really showing itself these days
YOU CAN DO THIS.
really deep breaths help me when I feel like I'm going to explode.
until I feel calm again.
anyways not trying to preach but want to send good vibes.

edit.
it's fucking sunny here finally so I'm taking my deaf awesome dog for a motherfucking walk in the woods by a raging stream to a waterfall destination.
I could work on my resume but I could also do that later.
YO.

edited gaain. didn't get to go because of beast issues with her mouth
got to go for a walk that made me grit my teeth
yay!
weed and whiskey
till another day

Posted: **Tue Feb 23, 2016 8:58 pm**

chuckjaywalk wrote: I can't even buy a gun to end this. .

Chuck,

This sentence alone is something that signifies to me that you need some help beyond what I or anyone else here can offer. I wonder if there are any support groups in your area that can offer you some grief relief. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's an awful way to feel and I have been there man. Not in your exact situation but in others that lead me to think putting a gun in my mouth was the answer. I never had the guts to squeeze the trigger thank God and I hope you would never do that either. Please, please seek out some guidance. Whatever you feel appropriate.

There has to be someway to get help. Don't give up man. Just push on and try your hardest. Life's a bitch sometimes, but you can get through it.

If you need any help, I'll do my best to give to you. I'm several states away but I can at least try.

Posted: **Tue Feb 23, 2016 9:51 pm**

evan williams and girl scout cookies is an almost legal ayahuasca that won't kill you because a fucked up greedy shaman rapes you
get out of yo self man

http://www.mensjournal.com/magazine/the ... a-20130215

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdHK_r9RXTc[/youtube]

Posted: **Tue Feb 23, 2016 10:05 pm**

thisalsomightbethewaytothegods
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRi7lLVPYXk[/youtube]

Posted: **Wed Feb 24, 2016 5:05 pm**

chuckjaywalk wrote:It is a quiet agony. There is a weight crushing me every day and that weight is my car. It needs a new headgasket, but I can't afford that. I'm not mechanically inclined and my garage is dirt floored and has no electricity. Every day, I don't know how I am getting back and forth to work, or even if I can. Twice this week, I was stranded for over 4 hours after my shift. I can't leave. I can't run errands. Every single moment of every day is covered by a black cloud. I can't go to the laundromat. I can't go to the grocery store.. My roommate, who is firmly a roommate now, doesn't talk to me. She avoids me, no matter how sunny my disposition. I am alone all day at work. I'm alone or worse at home. I don't have friends. I can't go anywhere. I am broke. I have all but the most indispensable pedals on Reverb. I can't even buy a gun to end this. I am like Prometheus stuck on a rock. I just want to go to work. I want to pay my bills. I want to not be alone every moment of every day. I'd like some affection. I can't go on a date. I can't go out for a drink.

Oh, hi! I'm a carless IT guy who works graveyard shifts and lives with his ex-girlfriend. I'm sad all the time and I want to chew my arm off, but I'm a good cuddler and I like pizza.

I wish I could help. All I can offer is the assurance that you're not alone. I've also been in a hole for some time and it just seems to get worse and worse every single day.

Posted: **Wed Feb 24, 2016 8:09 pm**

friendship wrote:
chuckjaywalk wrote:It is a quiet agony. There is a weight crushing me every day and that weight is my car. It needs a new headgasket, but I can't afford that. I'm not mechanically inclined and my garage is dirt floored and has no electricity. Every day, I don't know how I am getting back and forth to work, or even if I can. Twice this week, I was stranded for over 4 hours after my shift. I can't leave. I can't run errands. Every single moment of every day is covered by a black cloud. I can't go to the laundromat. I can't go to the grocery store.. My roommate, who is firmly a roommate now, doesn't talk to me. She avoids me, no matter how sunny my disposition. I am alone all day at work. I'm alone or worse at home. I don't have friends. I can't go anywhere. I am broke. I have all but the most indispensable pedals on Reverb. I can't even buy a gun to end this. I am like Prometheus stuck on a rock. I just want to go to work. I want to pay my bills. I want to not be alone every moment of every day. I'd like some affection. I can't go on a date. I can't go out for a drink.

Oh, hi! I'm a carless IT guy who works graveyard shifts and lives with his ex-girlfriend. I'm sad all the time and I want to chew my arm off, but I'm a good cuddler and I like pizza.
I wish I could help. All I can offer is the assurance that you're not alone. I've also been in a hole for some time and it just seems to get worse and worse every single day.

seriously not alone
things today are harder than ever to dig out and do it alone
you need close friends, roomates, family or a co-op?
I want to live liek the muppets.
who else is in?

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