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i have to try harder to get over my disappointment or they'll wind up getting rid of me for bad attitude. but it makes me miserable piling stuff on pallets and schlepping crates of papers around. i have to do it for my kitty, though...if i can't keep a home i'll lose her, and she really loves me.

Remember man, False motivation is better than no motivation. sometimes the act of pretending something doesn't suck can make the suck a lot less. This is coming from an army infantry guy who has gotten through some of the worst suck in the world. tedium and seemingly meaningless labor can be gotten through by trying to have a sense of humor about it. Find the funny and it wont be so bad. We dropped ramp around 3am after being out since early morning the day before and we all ran out into an open cesspool, basically a lake of poo. We laughed it off. Of course this one dude going prone immediately made it funnier for those of us who just had it up to our ankles. That was a smelly ride back to Belad.
Your kitty is lucky it has you around man. Keep at it.

I've always looked at work/jobs as a means to enjoy my off time. So long as you don't have
some over eager asshole berating you at every turn, even somewhat "menial" work can provide
the the basis for a better quality of life and reduce stress.

Think of your job as if it were a tuner.
It might not make any cool noises or put a smile on your face when you turn it on but without it
everything else on the board is going to sound like shit.

Hang in there dubs! Mojoz sent!

today was better. some of it waS that i spent all day indexing files on the computer, some of it perhaps that i'm missing my anxiety pills less. i've cut down from two pills a day to none because i'm afraid of addiction to benzos...been there, kicked that, perhaps the most miserable week of my life. i can't tell you how much your continued support means to me. you and my kitty are the wind beneath my wiiiiiiiiiiiings.

glad you've got a job, dude. even if it's temporary. staying busy really helps when things are tough, and when staying busy pays money it's a huge stress relief. keep at it.

Here's some Sun Ra to chill to when you're not at work:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQLsh7ht4Z8[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOFEkm87XgY[/youtube]

And you've got this far! Partying Partying Yeah!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0[/youtube]

well, i didn't make it that far. on Thursday i had a reaction to backing off my benzodiazepines that combined withdrawal and a panic attack, got so sick i couldn't even drive, and wound up taking an ambulance ride to the local hospital. it was so bad i thought i was having a heart attack. they seem to want me to keep working, which is good. how to keep it together is another question. i should have ust driven home at lunch, while i could still drive, but i wanted to make it through the day. i didn't.

hang in there
maybe its best to try and do one thing at a time - try and get steady with the job and the new routine, take time to settle in.
and when you are strong with that, then carefully cut back on the chemicals in careful steps.
it may take a bit longer than you like, but be a more steady path

well, the job is gone. they made excuses, but i can't but figure that my getting carted out of there has something to do with it. now i'm in deep, deep shit and need help desperately.

Why are you backing off Benzo's? Dude you have to be VERY fucking careful when backing off benzo's. I've been taking them for years and had to get off of them because I went to a treatment center. I was in their detox ward for longer than the heroin addicts because of the great risks involved with withdraw. I would highly recommend doing it very, very, very slow and you almost need something to counter the side effects.

Sorry about the job dude. That sucks.

Dammit. Sorry, dude. Good thoughts your way.

Are you still with the temp agency? Can you go back to them and look for another job? Hang in there dubs you can do it!