Jwar wrote:I have left social media expect for Facebook, which I’m going to be doing as well. I
I applaud your decision to leave social media. That's a healthy move. I try not to look at Facebook
ever.
Like you said, it is toxic and designed to exploit our weaknesses for profit. I don't want to feed into it.
I don't want to be seduced into the false notion of a form of connection that is actually
FOMO for profit.
I am glad that you are finding something that is helping you. I am happy to hear that you are discovering a lot about yourself. To be alive is
to constantly adjust. It takes a lot of effort and work. Don't lose faith. There are people out there to listen, to help. To offer advice.
One of the things I've discovered in my own life is that "a solution" that I arrived at during a specific point in the past to cope is not a permanent fix.
It worked for
that point in my life. It is human nature to assume that the same tactic will always work in all circumstances. But sometimes
that old technique doesn't work anymore because time has moved on, I am a different person, and life is presenting me with different problems.
To be present, to be in the moment—as painful as that often is—allows me to better assess what new technique or recombination of old techniques
will help me navigate the moment of now.
Another thing I think about is that what I might see as a "disability" or "liability" in the fabric of my personality is usually just a misplaced ability.
I look for patterns. I analyze things. In the past this has gotten me stuck in the paralysis of over-analysis. Creatively and interpersonally I cut myself off
at the knees before taking a step in any direction. Self-sabotage is exhausting. But I can't just STOP myself from reacting that way. The thing
that I try to do is nudge the fire hose of those personal proclivities into a direction that is healthy so that the force of that reaction (one that I
cannot help but resort to) is working
for me and not
against me. There is a time and place for analysis. I also have to provide myself
with times and places where I react instinctually in the moment, improvise, act without over-thinking. I don't want to shut off all analysis, nor do
I want to be hobbled by it.
I've found that making music, making animations, drawing, writing, are all activities that let me address these things in certain ways. Growing up
my focus was wanting to be a writer. But I've spent nearly 25 years struggling with the Writer/Editor divide. If I don't allow myself to put down
words, then my tender, long-held aspirations will never "fail". But if the Internal Editor doesn't get out of the way, how can the Writer ever write?
Many writers use alcohol to subdue the inner critic, but while that might work for a time, that is not healthy or sustainable.
Through the process of making a rather laborious animation I arrived at something that felt like a revelation to me (as painfully obvious as it may be).
Within the confines of the work I realized that in order to create something, something is destroyed. And by destroying something, something else
is created. Energy and matter are not created or destroyed—they transform. Nature is the unfolding of this process. Nothing is perfect, so I can't
wait to achieve the unachievable before taking a first step. The steps build up over time. It can seem daunting, but life is a constant striving.
But life provides opportunities to retry.
In the music world there is the assumption that if you aren't a fully formed genius at the age of 17, then it's too late and you are irrelevant.
But I like music. So I play music. Not constantly. And that is another thing that is important...balance.
It is hard to achieve or maintain personal equilibrium in a society that sells you doubt and the idea that you always lack
that special something
available through four easy installments that will make all your dreams come true. Wall Street is based upon the toxic notion that endless growth
is possible and a positive outcome. The only things that grow endlessly are viruses and bacteria. Sustainability is a much more valuable goal. To achieve
sustainability and balance you have to make adjustments based on where you are and how you are. It might not sound so grand, but the truth is that
after you've done meaningful work, rest is all the sweeter. When you are thirsty, taking a drink of water feels incredible. This society, through TV and
social media, tries to tell us that we are always thirsty, that we can never rest. That our hunger will never and can never be satiated.
It's good to hear that you are finding ways to make adjustments to achieve meaningful balance in your life. Don't lose faith! It takes a lot of work.
) and as far as I see it, anything that gives you a chance to find your way back to the surface is a good thing. 
Maybe if global travel is less fucked in the near future we can organise some kind of States-based transcontinental meetup.