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Fuck it, I'll share. I've pissed my pants several times...but that's not what I'll share.

I was told not to trust your farts after 30 and oh man is that shit true!

One day I was picking my kids up from the sitters, who happened to be good friends I've know since I was 15, so super comfortable with them. Anyway, I always fart because I actually have a stomach disease which cause me to an abnormal amount of times a day. I had to fart and thought it would be funny to lift my leg and fart. Next thing I know, I was running for their bathroom. When I got in the bathroom, I screamed for my wife. She came to the door and I told her I'd just shit my pants. hahaha. It was so fucking embarrassing and I had to throw my underwear away and luckily it stayed in them and not all over my pants! My friends were laughing so hard at me! LOL!! When I came out my buddy was literally on the floor laughing. FUCK! I've never lived that one down.

Worst thing is that I've done it a few times here and there, but mostly at home. Sigh.

Well I wasn't going to share my shit stories but this is a safe space. This was 8 or 9 years ago.

I had been sick for a couple days, mostly stomach crap, but I was constipated as fuck for like 3 days. I took a laxative but threw up shortly after and figured that was that. I really wanted a salad or something so my gf at the time took me to Panera.

We were sitting on the patio eating and I felt a fart coming on. We farted around each other all the time and I thought it would be funny to make it a loud one so I squeezed my cheeks together and pushed for maximum flappage. Instead of the fart noise I was expecting, there was just a wet sad squirting noise and I got a deer in the headlights look. My gf knew exactly what had happened and almost choked she laughed so hard.

So I made the walk of shame all the way through the store to the bathroom, squeezing the cheeks together the whole way.

My gf felt so bad for me that she took me home and said she was going to get some medicine for me. She came back with some Pepto and an Xbox 360. All in all, not a bad day.

I'd poop my panties for a WiiU

This was 8 years ago, mind you.

i have two great stories to share...

in high school i absolutely abhorred pooping in public places. it was almost impossible for me to do. i could literally hold it for days -- which i did at summer camp once. well it was final exam time, end of the year type shit. on exam days we did block schedules so you only had 3-classes but they were all longer than normal. periods between classes were 15-min so you could use the bathroom, etc. i'm in my second class and it's creative writing so our exam was simple. group of my metal head buddies and i are talking about what ever, battle axes and shit, and lo and behold the time has come for a bowel movement. exam time meant lock down so i technically cannot leave class. we're grouped in the corner and i clue my buddies in on my plan. i have to shit something fierce and i MUST go home to do so. the windows are set up as emergency exits so i literally jump out a window, sneak to my car and drive home to poop. came back during lunch and nobody knew what happened. it was a fucking amazing feat. that day i became a god. admittedly a god of ditching glass to poop in his own bathroom but what ever.

story 2

wife and i had a wedding to go to. our house has one bathroom. wife is showering and feel sudden urge to poop. know that i can hold it. begin holding it for what feels like EONS. eventually run upstairs and grab a plastic grocery bag. drop pants and proceed to poop in plastic grocery bag... no choice, man. had i ran to the bathroom to do that i probably would've murdered my wife with the foul smelling defecation.

Yeah man, that's a pretty huge recovery.

A few years ago at work I went to poop. I didn't push my weener down for the the pre-poop pee. I was half way done peeing when I realized it was just shooting straight forward over the toilet seat covering my pants. I had to go home because the ass of my pants were soaked in piss. On the highway on my way home I saw a member of Rammstein driving. I started screaming at him and took his picture while driving then he yelled asking how to get to the airport. That was pretty cool.

Was this intended to be the 'I shit my pants' thread?

I once woke my landlords up at 1am by setting off their house alarm because I was looking for a plunger in the basement. I thought I'd blocked their basement toilet with an urgent and enormous shit....turns out the water was turned off. Cops showed...landlords came down in their undies with a gun...oh, and this was before I even moved into the apartment.

Tough to recover from.

vidret wrote:You went from not being able to shit anywhere to being able to shit everywhere, you know that right?

It's like going from critical miss to natural 20, boys.