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fiddelerselbow wrote:I used to play in a post-rock band and we ended up being booked (unbeknownst to us) for a wedding reception in a small pub in Northern Ireland. I still have no fucking idea how it happened.

Uh. Mazing.

I've played one wedding gig, and while it went fine, I don't think I'd ever want to do it again. The pressure we felt (not even from the couple - they were totally cool, just from ourselves) was maddening. I have never been more glad for a gig to be over. Gave me a whole new level of respect for good wedding bands, "Mustang Sally" be damned.

behndy wrote:lol. how'd the show go?

It was the worst I've ever played. The bar manager kept asking us to "play a little quieter" in between songs and some bald dude repeatedly yelled in my ear requesting "Metallica and all that metal shite, because the bride loves that type of thing". I'm pretty sure I heard somebody crying mid way through too.


I still got got fuckin' paid though

............... the crying kinda makes it all worth it though doesn't it?

again, not unlike hookers.

behndy wrote:............... the crying kinda makes it all worth it though doesn't it?

again, not unlike hookers.

Nothings better than salty erotic tears to relax after a hard day at the office.

But yeah it totally does

ohhhhhhh Zimbabwe. you so crazy.

"But I've already seen you naked! This is isn't a new adventure at all!"

So does he get a discount?

His daughter works there, she hooks him up with a two four one deal.

So I'd just finished osut (basic training) at Ft. Benning Ga. and me and two buddies decide to go get wasted. We were supposed to go to airborne but there was a backlog so we ended up in army purgatory known as "Airborne holdover" So we pooled our private pay dollars and got a hotel room in columbus. great idea.... We bought way to much booze and headed back to the hotel and I noticed this chick hanging out in the parking lot with a red wig on her head. So me being Mr smooth and all (and horny as fuck after months of getting yelled at and smoked) I go chat her up, find out her name is "ginger" and she is amiable to giving blowjobs for $20.
We all agree this is a great idea. I have it in mind to get pussy even though she's saying her fiancee only lets her do BJ's cause it's not cheating, so I let my buddy go first. He comes out 5 minutes later the happiest guy ever. My turn.
I know recieve the WORST BLOWJOB EVAR.
10 minutes in and she starts asking if i'm close which is a total turnoff. Like I'm trying to enjoy but she sucks at sucking. I offer to fuck her and she's all $50 What happened to the sacred trust with fiancee!!! Sadly i have no more moneys. So she goes back to work. 20 minutes late and I'm like fuck it. I mean this girl had some mad neck muscles but did not understand the concept of suck.
My other buddy was in and out in like 5 minutes. I think she fucked him.
The next night the booking agent told us he wanted us to play the same hotel again. I said go fuck yourself.










That last bit may not have happened.

AxAxSxS wrote:So I'd just finished osut (basic training) at Ft. Benning Ga. and me and two buddies decide to go get wasted. We were supposed to go to airborne but there was a backlog so we ended up in army purgatory known as "Airborne holdover" So we pooled our private pay dollars and got a hotel room in columbus. great idea.... We bought way to much booze and headed back to the hotel and I noticed this chick hanging out in the parking lot with a red wig on her head. So me being Mr smooth and all (and horny as fuck after months of getting yelled at and smoked) I go chat her up, find out her name is "ginger" and she is amiable to giving blowjobs for $20.
We all agree this is a great idea. I have it in mind to get pussy even though she's saying her fiancee only lets her do BJ's cause it's not cheating, so I let my buddy go first. He comes out 5 minutes later the happiest guy ever. My turn.
I know recieve the WORST BLOWJOB EVAR.
10 minutes in and she starts asking if i'm close which is a total turnoff. Like I'm trying to enjoy but she sucks at sucking. I offer to fuck her and she's all $50 What happened to the sacred trust with fiancee!!! Sadly i have no more moneys. So she goes back to work. 20 minutes late and I'm like fuck it. I mean this girl had some mad neck muscles but did not understand the concept of suck.
My other buddy was in and out in like 5 minutes. I think she fucked him.
The next night the booking agent told us he wanted us to play the same hotel again. I said go fuck yourself. Then he asked us what we were called.









The Aristocrats!

^ That was the best laugh I've had all day.

I'm just here to spread laughter.


















and legs

dude hits up my friend and says, yo I need a band for this night, you guys down?
homie says yes, gig is in a week, ballin.
gets off the phone and says to me, 'yo I just agreed to do this gig, but don't have a band or anything written, you down?"
I say, f'sheezy
over the course of a week we write a 30min set of really cool stuff incorporating his bluegrass and metal stuff on guitar, my jazz and funk approach on bass and his amazing drummer friend's all around prowess on the kit.
there was even a noise part and a cumbia part, really ill stuff
the gig was in a place that draws a crowd but no one ever watches the band/dj, and they watched us with wide eyed faces
anyway when we got there there was literally one working plug for us to use and homie was getting his drink on and didn't give a shit
made us turn down so he could flirt with some ugly ass beezy
we did not, I repeat, did NOT get drink tickets
dude was rude all night and when we asked to get paid he says something along the lines of "yo man remember when I used to pay you guys real well? [motherfucker never paid anyone well], times are tough, but I got you guys....can you break a 20?"
so I'm thinking, alright, dudes gonna give us $50 for the band since it was short notice, we rocked it, hyped it, dealt with all the issues, set up/tore down, sound checked ourselves stupidly fast. We were literally like the perfect act.
dude runs inside to get change and he's gone forever, so we look inside and homeboys buying people shots. No joke, this motherfucker talking bout times are tough is buying a round of shots for the bar and laughing, talking, like there isn't a three piece of the best, most reliable musicians he knows who did him a favor for no reason other than the love of the art, waiting outside.
finally dude comes out.
and gives us $12.
honestly if we weren't so shocked I think we would've done something we regretted.

ew. bastard.

CUT. HIM.

...... any recordings? sounds HAWT.

Fuck that guy.