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I can share the sentiments.

Remember as kids when parents were fucking idiots, and your landlord was andick?

Times change.

Pretty soon you’ll be the old creepy dude at the back of the concert!

I can definitely share the sentiment. It’s awful. I’m sure that many things are better than they seem (like I’m sure your kids know you love them and will do anything for them even as they drive you crazy, and they see how hard you work).

Maybe get back into bodybuilding? I’ve been pretty shocked how much calisthenics and cycling has helped my perpetually depressed ass.

As that creepy old guy standing at the back of the show, I’m thinking Orwell’s chickens have come home to roost. There was a time when faking your own death was a practical early retirement option. Or at least thinking about it was a quick dopamine boosting alternative to buying a lotto ticket. It’s gotten to where a man can’t even put a passed out wino in his car, run it off a cliff, and make an honest fresh start in Mexico anymore. I just don’t know what this world is coming to.

Hey! You kids up in the front! Get the hell out of my mosh pit!

I wish there was a “one weird trick” solution. If you can completely turn off your moral center, selling a one weird trick solution to depression might bring in enough cash to buy your way out of the pit of despair. Or not... I’ve achieved career goals in the last year that are way beyond what I should reasonably expect as a college dropout weirdo, but It hasn’t brought any new lasting joy into my life. Exercise is great on paper, but the kind of physical activity that I enjoy is hiking and biking. Neither is wise to do solo in my neck of the woods, and I don’t really have any friends woh are into either.

So I don’t have any sage advice to offer up, other than you’re not the only one in the boat of despair. If you can’t find something that brings you joy (or at least respite from the demons), try to carve out an hour of your day for it. Even if it’s modular. (My iPad is my modular rig, mock me!)

Can't we all just pool our resources and buy an abandoned summer camp in the woods somewhere in the US, and start a self-sufficient ILF cult?

Snufkino wrote:Can't we all just pool our resources and buy an abandoned summer camp in the woods somewhere in the US, and start a self-sufficient ILF cult?

That's the dream.


My wife and I had yet another long talk where she just listens to my insane ramblings and then tries to relax me. It works. She really is a saint and I love her and damn my kids for being buttheads but I love them too.


Thanks for your insight and input guys. The struggle of depression is real and I guess it's probably not going away. So, I need to learn to move on and accept things for what they are.

rather than buying land, why not follow the tested-and-proven Manson method: weird music + funny drugs + psychedelic-painted school bus = PROFIT.

Snufkino wrote:Can't we all just pool our resources and buy an abandoned summer camp in the woods somewhere in the US, and start a self-sufficient ILF cult?

Even if you ignore the cult bit, doesn't that always end with a maniac* killing everybody ?






*we'd need a lottery to decide who gets to be the maniac.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OyRL48ADjQ[/youtube]

I know being mindful is like the new buzzword, but I've found that if I practice being aware of myself, that I actually become more aware of myself. Before exploding at my kids cause the loud ipad is driving me insane, I now pause, catch a breath and then in a nice way inform them that the ipad must be made lower - this is always a better turn of events than me exploding and threatening to take away the ipad or some other pointless punishment that will only add to the problem. I have also found that if I practice doing anything it slowly starts feeling normal. I've been trying to be a better version of myself across the board and although hard to be consistent, every now and then I get into a morning and daily routine of positive things that feel good and at the end of the day helps me feel happy...plus there is definitely something in the universe that sends positivity your way when you put it out.

I've also discovered the power of writing lists to release some of the cognitive load on my mind that makes me freak out when there is the slightest unexpected event in the days plan - like when I walk into work and my boss calls me over to tell me about a drop everything kind of project when I had already planned out a full day of doing other stuff. Getting that clear space in my head by listing out what I need to do as actions, not just key words has really helped me not feel overwhelmed which opens up a lot of space in my head which in turn kinda puts me in the zone so I can be creative and/or productive...and basically surf on top of my life instead of having it swallow me whole every day.

I've been following the GTD (getting things done) methodology for organizing my mind and my life and although it sucks investing the time in it, it has the same results on your mind as investing time in going to the gym does for your body (also something I hate that sucks, but I have been doing and results in me feeling better and in general happy).

Pay attention to what has your attention and then determine what the next action is about that thing, write it down, and immediately you'll get a taste of what I'm talking about. That taste was good enough that I have now been a fairly dedicated GTD'er for the past 6 months or so. It's worth it to practice being open to new ideas and checking things out, you never know what's going to be the thing that sets you on the path to where you want to be going. We all struggle, some are just better at managing it.

i was thinking about how to describe/explain depression to normies, and came upon the perfect metaphor. think of your brain as a computer. depression is a malware app that you can't uninstall and gives you frequent pop-up windows full of intrusive negativity and self-hatred, and if you don't click the X and close them right away it eats up memory and bogs down the whole system. antidepressants are a partially effective software patch, but cannot delete the app. the only thing for it is to be constantly vigilant and not let it run wild.

and it gets really fucking tiresome having to monitor your mental state 24/7.

I wrote that super positive post 2 days ago and then had a really rough day of being destructive to any relationship and good will Ive built up. I guess today the popups got me.

I did find that qualifying the way I was feeling (once I had recognized I was in a bad head space) helped. I went into a few work meetings at the end of the day explaining I was not in the best headspace and that id try not to take it out on others but as a heads up. It really helped me control myself in those interactions and the folks I dealt w were a bit more sensitive to my state so we were able to be productive-ish. Ultimately I cut out a bit early as I recognized how destructive I was being. Sadly created a bit of a sh.tstorm at home that Im dealing w now.

Everyones thing is different and we lump it into some sort of mass category of "depression" - Ive self diagnosed myself as borderline personality disorder. Ive tried seeking prof help but nothing has clicked so far and I am not looking to even out the way I feel w medication, but I have found that as Ive gotten older, with all the added pressures of life and family that sometimes I cant recognize when Im in a bad space...but when I can keep a handle on it, its all about staying appropriately engaged w my life and being in the now...but agreed, really tiresome and at times not possible for a variety of reasons. A good buddy who is almost sober for a year always says just "do the next right thing" and let go of what you've done.

i basically just try to do the things that make others happy, or at least not make them angry or sad. much of the time i can't do more than that, which i've had to learn to accept and try to work through it. i've also had to learn to let go of the past to the extent i'm able. not that all that shite doesn't still hurt or rankle...just that i've learned to block it out.

Ehhh, i'm becoming increasingly tired of the world's bullshit. Without sounding dramatic, it just feels hard to make peace with it all when people just want to project their own issues onto everything and everyone.

I know it's not even my own depression clouding my mind; i've been doing weights, exercising, no drinking on weekdays and have been eating better. I just wish I booked my holiday sooner; ramen, hiking and hot springs is going to hit the spot.

Has anyone tried the ketamine treatments for depression? I've been looking at this but they are really costly.