Zadgan's Writting Corner - Poetry and Short Stories

[samzadgan]

Something i just started today on the train...i think its the start of a long poem...may even use some parts for song lyrics...anyway, here it is for now...


Graveyardian rituals of human waste
Beneath torrents of poisonous pores
With limitless clipping diodes of noise
Swirling from league below
Awakening Cuthulu from dreamscapes beyond

Death riders of doom and woe
Ride stallions of black with unflinching reason
Paid their way for freedom
Souls given a final chance to clear their dirt

Millions will learn their craft and perfect their tools
Only a few chosen will survive
Blurred vision and pointed timbres
Take aim for distance beyond sight
Cuthulu will rise again

[legbear]

These are great I want more poems.

[samzadgan]

thanks man...i am working on some new stuff...will post some up when i get it together.

[samzadgan]

So I've removed the story as its now part of a book ive released.

not because i dont want ILF people to read it, as I think most who wanted to read it already have anyway, but just controlling what comes up on Google search.

[D.o.S.]

WHY U PRESENT TENSE

[t-rey]

Will give the short story a read when I'm less tired/getting my fucking house ready for an open house in the morning.

Question for D.o.S, and this is a serious question since one of us makes their living writing and it's not me - what's the beef with present tense? I pretty often see people take a stance against it, but I typically don't notice it when I'm reading unless the tense starts to disagree.

Trey looked over at his newly acquired Les Paul. It was so gatdamn beautiful. He wondered why he was playing around on ILF instead of making sweet, sweet riffs. vs. Trey looks at his newly aquired Les Paul. It is so gatdamn beautiful. He wonders why he is playing around on ILF instead of making sweet, sweet riffs.

Neither of those seem 'wrong' to me, but again, I'm not a writer by trade, and even less of a fiction writer, so I was hoping you might be able to drop some knowledge.

[samzadgan]

WHY U PRESENT TENSE

whats up with that? seriously...is present tense something thats just not done?

i personally like present tense because there's more of a sense of being there when you read it, rather than something that happened a while ago that the reader is not part of.

[t-rey]

Took a minute to read the poem as well as the short story.

I dig the poem - hope you continue to expand on it and turn it into some crazy epic where all of the old ones rise up.

The story is pretty cool as well, excited to see where you go with it and what's happening in Larwock.

[Iommic Pope]

Present tense, to me, generally means there is a lot more thought involved in the position of the narrator and the information they convey/withhold from the reader. This in turn affects the nature of the story and, I believe, can lead to backing stories into corners of genres and tropes.
The position of the narrator and what privilege you grant them says a great deal about what you as an author want to convey with the work, although that's heavily filtered by the reader and what they're bringing to the party as well.
Personally I'd be concerned about the "how" of telling the story in a present tense from a second/third person persoective. It could get confusing and you'd really have to try and stick to that perspective and not flit for consistency.
First person works better for present tense, although you tread the gumshoe detective waters with that, which can be dangerous.

Just my 2c.
I uh, may start posting my worthless rambling here soon to affirm my lack of talent and further degrade my self esteem.

[samzadgan]

So I've removed the story as its now part of a book ive released.

not because i dont want ILF people to read it, as I think most who wanted to read it already have anyway, but just controlling what comes up on Google search.

[t-rey]

Present tense, to me, generally means there is a lot more thought involved in the position of the narrator and the information they convey/withhold from the reader. This in turn affects the nature of the story and, I believe, can lead to backing stories into corners of genres and tropes.
The position of the narrator and what privilege you grant them says a great deal about what you as an author want to convey with the work, although that's heavily filtered by the reader and what they're bringing to the party as well.
Personally I'd be concerned about the "how" of telling the story in a present tense from a second/third person persoective. It could get confusing and you'd really have to try and stick to that perspective and not flit for consistency.
First person works better for present tense, although you tread the gumshoe detective waters with that, which can be dangerous.

Just my 2c.
I uh, may start posting my worthless rambling here soon to affirm my lack of talent and further degrade my self esteem.

That makes sense. Seems like many people default to present tense when the write, but often flip back to past tense (which is what I have found myself doing recently).

Nothing wrong with gumshoe detectives though

Share some of your stuff. Creativity good. Self-esteem bad.

[samzadgan]

So I've removed the story as its now part of a book ive released.

not because i dont want ILF people to read it, as I think most who wanted to read it already have anyway, but just controlling what comes up on Google search.

[samzadgan]

So I've removed the story as its now part of a book ive released.

not because i dont want ILF people to read it, as I think most who wanted to read it already have anyway, but just controlling what comes up on Google search.

[samzadgan]

So I've removed the story as its now part of a book ive released.

not because i dont want ILF people to read it, as I think most who wanted to read it already have anyway, but just controlling what comes up on Google search.

[Iommic Pope]

Sorry man, I keep dropping in to reply to trey and then you've posted more stuff. I'm usually at work when I check, too.
I'll try and put aside some time this evening and catch up.

Also, I have to commend you. I think about stories (or one in particular) every day and bank ideas but never get around to actually writing them, I guess because the DOING of the thing is so overwhelming.
I admire your do-ability.