Greetings, humans

[skullservant]

ZILTOID HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO FIND EARTH, HUMANS, AND THIS FORUM OF FUZZY DELIGHT? WHAT DREW YOU FORTH TO OUR FUZZY SYRUM??

[DarkAxel]

I admit, this thread has made me fear for my pathetic earthling life

partially because i drink my coffee ravished by coffee and cream as well... i'm deeply startled by the chance i might get cleansed of the face of this puny planet

better hide in my CAPTAIN SPECTACULAR UNIFORM



(unfunny - if Devin has really joined this forum, i can die, for i'm a big fan)

[ZiltoidTheOmniscient]

(unfunny - if Devin has really joined this forum, i can die, for i'm a big fan)

Fear not human, I don't think it's really him (he didn't mention any of this over the telecommunicator, or "phone").

Having said that, you'd better not pull any Cpt. Spectacular heroic shit, or Ziltoid will get serious.

Nice ocular photoprotectors, by the way. I had some similar ones that got stole- YOU BASTARD!! I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN, AND THEN KILL YOU!! YOU HEAR ME?! I'LL RIP YOUR COLON OUT THROUGH YOUR ASS SO YOU DIE IN A PUDDLE OF BLOOD GUSHING OUT FROM YOU ASSHOLE, SIMILARLY TO THE FOLLOWING EMOTIONAL REPRESENTATION BUT WITHOUT THE SHIT-EATING GRIN:

[ZiltoidTheOmniscient]

ZILTOID HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO FIND EARTH, HUMANS, AND THIS FORUM OF FUZZY DELIGHT? WHAT DREW YOU FORTH TO OUR FUZZY SYRUM??

Ziltoid the Omniscient, if you don't mind.
Humans are well documented in Ziltodia, where I read entire volumes about them in the Ziltoidian library. I MEAN, place that is like a library but where cool guys hang out. Even though I had plenty of knowledge about your frankly repulsive bodies and customs, after setting off to your planet in search of the ultimate cup of coffee I realized that I ignored where this "Earth" actually was. [This may seem to clash with my claim of being Omniscient, but in reality it does not. I could explain, but I fear my teachings would be wasted on your pathetic minds.] All in all it took me about twenty Earth minutes* to find your pitiful piece of hexagonal rock. As soon as I made my presence known to the quavering inhabitants, they suggested that a certain Tom Dalton may know a thing or two about coffee. As it turns out that was not the case. However, after hours of nagging and skull massaging he finally acceeded to create me a digital avatar with the purpose of gaining access to the collective knowledge of the "dim potheads of I<3Fuzz" (I take it that "pothead" refers to a coffee connosieur?).

*Ironically, the minutes that humans use in their day-to-day musings about time are not in fact equivalent to natural Earth minutes (your system assumes that the Earth is roundish, for some strange reason). Of course, you must already know this, since well over five of your minutes have passed, I STILL DON'T HAVE ANY COFFE (apart from that putrid, powdery Earthquaker beverage) and most of you are still alive.

[DarkAxel]

Nice ocular photoprotectors, by the way. I had some similar ones that got stole- YOU BASTARD!! I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN, AND THEN KILL YOU!! YOU HEAR ME?! I'LL RIP YOUR COLON OUT THROUGH YOUR ASS SO YOU DIE IN A PUDDLE OF BLOOD GUSHING OUT FROM YOU ASSHOLE, SIMILARLY TO THE FOLLOWING EMOTIONAL REPRESENTATION BUT WITHOUT THE SHIT-EATING GRIN:

come get, bitch

[behndy]

you seem cool and all, but Spacey hasn't vetted you and anybody that can't appreciate strong butt coffee with half cream and a lb of sugar is NOT somebody i'm letting dominate my species.

learn to love the cream or i will destroy your whole species with my dick. i have spent time in Japan. i have received TRAINING in how to deal with creatures like you.

(i can be bribed away from my duties as protector of this species. if you are truly omniscent you will know what will work and what will get me to throw away the lube in anger before i go on a Crotch Based Tentacle Frond Creature Destroying Junta.)

[ZiltoidTheOmniscient]

Well... for starters, all members of my species have three different sets of genitals. Two of them have human equivalents, and the other looks like tentacles. Just putting that out there.

[behndy]

you act like that's a deterrent.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN LOU.

[ZiltoidTheOmniscient]

(I take it that "pothead" refers to a coffee connosieur?)

You seem to not be very skilled in this whole "omniscience" thing. Maybe that's just a surname?

Good luck guessing behndorz' bribe.

It is indeed one of my surnames, but that's irrelevant. The fact remains that, in natural terms, "pothead" means what I communicated before; however, I also know that your species has assigned a variety of arbitrary meanings to that word, and I can't be sure which of them the late Mr Dalton was using. I'm omniscient, not a blasted mindreader.

[theavondon]

Oh shit it's on

[ZiltoidTheOmniscient]

you act like that's a deterrent.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN LOU.

On the contrary, I was probing to see if that was bribe enough. And trust me, I'm rather skilled at probing in the more physical way.

For comical effect I'll pretend no to know why you refer to me as Lou.

[behndy]

if your species is bi or tri-genital by default, i have little use for your holes. what is the fun of penetrating something that can never be a transexual version of itself?

you state your case POORLY. but you are kinda adorable. cuddles vs fuckins comes into play now i guess.

ARE YOU THE BIG SPOON OR THE LITTLE SPOON.

[Deltaphoenix]

Shit is gettin deep! Don't you see Behndy's sig!

QUADRACOCK BEHNDERFUCK WILL BE RELEASED!

[skullservant]

I somehow feel that my work computer is going to block this thread in the next 15 minutes from my access ahhaahha

[spacelordmother]

Well... for starters, all members of my species have three different sets of genitals. Two of them have human equivalents, and the other looks like tentacles. Just putting that out there.

I would think that an omniscient being would know better than to taunt a man like Ol Behn with a multitude of protuberances. Moreso the better than they're all attached to a single creature so that if you damage and/or excite one, the rest will follow suit...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8RCQDDsMpU[/youtube]