aens_wife wrote:jrfox92 wrote:aens_wife wrote:In other news, it is April and winter hasn't let up for more than a day or two in Wisconsin. We have well over a foot of fresh snow. It is cold and grey and wet here. We haven't had one single day where the temp was over 55 degrees. It is really wearing on me.
Why do we live here?!?
Please switch with me.
All I want is to live somewhere that's basically tundra for most of the year.
yeah...no. I am not interested in moving to Ohio. Sorry man. lol.
I want out of the midwest.
You and me both. God.
Speaking of hate/rage/irritation.
Why is it that no matter what age I am, I seek approval from my parents? I'm about to be fucking 36, and yet I still seem to hold some kind of value in what they say or think of me. I've allowed them a window into my life so much so that they feel like they can just talk to me in anyway they want.
I spoke on Discord to some about this yesterday but I'm still pissed, especially after my dad's text this morning.
I decided I wanted to try a different church. I haven't been going to church for almost a year now. I thought my parents would be happy but NOPE, they tell me "we'll pray for you" because it's not a Catholic church? Pray for me? Like it's a fucking attack. Like praying for me is a way of saying "you're fucking up son". I say, whatever and hang up. My dad proceeds to call me for two days going on and on with scripture and actually brings a binder full of fucking print outs on why the Catholic church is the right church to my home. Two days. I can't get a word in inch wise.
The next day is my daughter's birthday (13). She asks my dad to go to dinner with us, which he says ok but he has to talk to my mom. Well, the time rolls around to go and he texts me to tell her he can't go now because my sister has randomly shown up at their house. My daughter is upset, and I let them know. So he tells me he can't be two places at once and it's not his fault. I tell him that he's made his choice that's fine.
Again, the following day I get a call from my brother. Who I tell him what a douche my dad has been. He's understanding, because he knows how my dad is. Then my dad calls him. They talk, my brother calls me back and asks me if I'm acting the way I am because I started new meds (which I did 3 weeks ago). My answer is simple "fuck you" and a hang up.
My brother texts me nasty shit, I tell him to watch what he says to me (I'm his property manager on the verge of leaving him high and dry as it is) and he continues, so I say "good luck and goodbye".
I never get overly hostile, just upset. Sure I cuss, but that's how I fucking talk and my daughter was upset, my parents are being bitches and my brother is the same.
All my fucking life I've heard these words from my father "you'll burn" or "you're going to burn for that". Meaning, I'm going to hell. That sure makes a person want to have faith right? What a joke. I tell them, and mind you I'm excited because I think this may be helpful for me, that I may have found a place to go to be at peace and they throw it in my face.
My mom was supposed to go to the Mayo clinic yesterday and I called my dad, no answer. He texts me, about an hour ago and tells me "No we did not go to the Mayo due to weather. Mom is ok. Depressed over conversation with you". I say "wow thanks for laying that one on me", he says "you want me to lie".
It's sad to say, that I've come to a point in my life where my parents hold no value to me anymore. They are awful people who think they are great and devote. I am 150% done. I'm fucking done. Their window is closed and they can die for all I fucking care.
I often think things would have been easier if the cancer would have taken my dad 6 years ago. He's never shown me love, only beaten me down (emotionally and physically as a child/teen) and I am disgusted with him and my mother. I don't have time to hate them, or the capacity, but I'm done.