Soy Boyz 2: Eclectic Boobaloo

[BetterOffShred]

Well, I'm finally caught up on this and...
1. If you use any sort of "sensation" product and a lady shivers due to the light breeze of a fan, a quick breath to the contact site is hilarious but ill-advised
2. Has anyone been on a date so terrible, you make up something horrid like "oh shit my buddy just texted me, he's suicidal over a breakup, I better go"? Or am I the worst person here?

Like Icy hot?

Yeah I've had a couple where I wanted to go to the bathroom, bounce out a window, and then phone it in..

[popvulture]

Me too, minus the married part.

The two smoothest dudes on this side of the misssissippi.

One...Hundred...Percent

There needs to be a band called Smoothest Dudes.

[calfzilla]

Well, I'm finally caught up on this and...
1. If you use any sort of "sensation" product and a lady shivers due to the light breeze of a fan, a quick breath to the contact site is hilarious but ill-advised
2. Has anyone been on a date so terrible, you make up something horrid like "oh shit my buddy just texted me, he's suicidal over a breakup, I better go"? Or am I the worst person here?

Like Icy hot?

Yeah I've had a couple where I wanted to go to the bathroom, bounce out a window, and then phone it in..

Whatever the KY equivalent of Icy hot is, yeah. It was exactly that. I laughed my ass off. She was not amused.

@Popvulture - Would the smoothest dudes play surf rock or slide?

[neonblack]

Chillwave

[Chankgeez]

mmm, you're makin' me tempeh hambre.

[comesect2.0]

^^...stay away from condoms with ice on one side and hot on the other....the inside was hot, so my dick caught on fire ..and she was like wtf my pussy feels weird and not chillwave at all, my wang turned red, so I sent an email to trojan talkin bout unclaimed dreams or someshit and they sent coupons...those lamb skin trojan condoms are made from sheep intestines and those take you back in time...
play slide on a water bed

[gnomethrone]

[$harkToootth]

My typical Friday night...

[calfzilla]

My typical Friday night...

This raises the question... How did Hannibal change his name and become a Highway Patrol Captain?

[Achtane]

Last night.
Doin' stuff.
How to Get Away with Murder is on TV. It gets to a scene where a woman stabs herself in the neck and now she's convulsing on the floor while gurgling and a child is crying "mama!".
Oh god.
The gurgling continues.
Against the nature of someone who's been traversing the hell-pits of the Internet since age 10, this background noise is really starting to affect my, uh, turgidity. And I got turned on by the disembodied head rape scene in Reanimator.
The gurgling continues. It's really loud.
I looked. Fuck, why'd I look? Now my junk feels like it's going numb. She can tell, right? I'm sure she can tell. In a few moments it's gonna be like I'm flopping a half-empty water balloon against her. This is horrible. My confidence is gonna be shot, I'm gonna wish I was dead in a minute.

Time out.
Browse Netflix for a second and just click on whatever. The Smurfs movie. Whatever.
Proceed as originally planned.

[Invisible Man]

Something something blue balls.

[neonblack]

I miss the touch of a woman. And boobs.

[imJonWain]

don't we all. What happened to all the luck you had a few months back?

[The Eristic]

Something something blue balls.

Oh man, the violin teacher at the store where I teach is the fucking *worst*. Like, she's done it so frequently I should know better than to even bother, but... but it's so close to going down this time, surely she won't bail at the last second again? Oh wait yes she will.

[neonblack]

don't we all. What happened to all the luck you had a few months back?

Not sure. Stress + depression + drinking + eating like shit + no money = not exactly killin it