The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread...



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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby neonblack » Sat Jan 27, 2018 11:27 pm

Holy shit, I am DEPRESSED.

I barely have the energy to type out why, but mostly it's that I've wasted the last decade of my life.

Next year I will have outlived my father. His birthday was today. He would have been 53 but he died 20 years ago. I was mad at him for a really long time, but the older I get and the harder things get, I totally get it. Not that I want to go down the same road, because I have my son and I care about him more than anything, but holy shit. I get it.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby BetterOffShred » Sun Jan 28, 2018 12:26 am

Isn't that a mother fucker? I am sorry that seeing it all laid out like that is painful, but as the saying goes "time makes fools of us all"..

I don't get along with my dad very well since my mom died 13 years ago, but stories like yours make me want to keep trying. Life is shit sometimes. It's ok to feel bad. At least I hope it is .. I feel bad often.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby Inconuucl » Sun Jan 28, 2018 2:15 am

I fell into the hated habit of going into a long metal music schlong measuring conversation that lasted hours, alienating some of my less metal inclined friends and I feel like an asshole. :C
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby BetterOffShred » Sun Jan 28, 2018 3:29 am

I want details, length, girth, hairy, which bands, riffs, smells .. all of it.

Yeah man I do that too sometimes. It helps to relate the entire story to your fuzz Bros.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby Invisible Man » Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:59 am

neonblack wrote:Holy shit, I am DEPRESSED.

I barely have the energy to type out why, but mostly it's that I've wasted the last decade of my life.

Next year I will have outlived my father. His birthday was today. He would have been 53 but he died 20 years ago. I was mad at him for a really long time, but the older I get and the harder things get, I totally get it. Not that I want to go down the same road, because I have my son and I care about him more than anything, but holy shit. I get it.


You didn’t waste shit. You had a bunch of experiences, a kid, survived, made music, had friends, shitposted on ILF...

I’m in that spot where I see why people want out, too. I don’t seriously consider it, but those thoughts pop into my head. Then I read about old people who insist that happiness is a choice, not circumstantial. Then I realize that happiness and depression aren’t really on the same continuum.

You’re probably in a position to help some other people out. Become an old man. Pass your wisdom on. You already beat your dad’s high score...keep racking up points as a ‘fuck you’ to painful experiences. Spite will carry you far!
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby ibarakishi » Sun Jan 28, 2018 11:02 am

when someone you love says that you don't get excited about anything anymore, and you try to explain but have no idea how to begin explaining that what you think and the rapid internal dialogue you are constantly having with yourself rarely matches the sad, often silent, and sorry dead body that you are trapped inside in a way that will not make them even more sad or disappointed than they already are, and that you already are, with yourself :picard:
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby ibarakishi » Sun Jan 28, 2018 11:03 am

Invisible Man wrote:
You’re probably in a position to help some other people out. Become an old man. Pass your wisdom on. You already beat your dad’s high score...keep racking up points as a ‘fuck you’ to painful experiences. Spite will carry you far!


very Camus
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby Jwar » Sun Jan 28, 2018 3:48 pm

Neon, I get how you feel man. With the father deal, that's hard a hell an and it's understandable why you'd feel the way you do with the fact that his birthday just happened. That's an awful thing and I'm sorry you've had that burden on you.

When I feel down like you are feeling, I take the time and either mentally or physically make a list of things I'm grateful for. It's easy for me to go over what I'm unhappy about but it's a challenge to do the opposite. However, when I do this, it helps me realize that I am not in as bad of a place as were I thought I was.

I've recently been almost overwhelmed with anxiety to the point of wanting to just run away from everything myself, and I have to take a step back and let it all go man. I am a firm believer in "let go and let God". If you don't believe in that, you can still apply the same principals by realizing you are not in control of everything in life. Even your emotions a lot of the time are out of your control. How you process those emotions however is something you can train yourself to do.

I recently started going to a psychologist again because of just this issue. I go every week and I probably need more, but funds won't allow it.

My point is, that if you need insight, different ways to think or just help in general. Seek it out now. Don't wait until the walls are closing in so much that they are on the verge of collapse. Seek out that help, it can change your life.

If I can help, let me know.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby calfzilla » Mon Jan 29, 2018 9:25 am

Keep your head up Neon. You're a solid dude who makes good on his word. You're doing a hell of a lot better job than most others in your circumstance. Trying to find some small morsel of happiness or joy isn't wasteful. Don't make any of us necromance you just to toss you off a cliff.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby BitchPudding » Mon Jan 29, 2018 3:16 pm

Another fight with my girl.

Essentially boiled down to ether I give up what little I have from music that I've struggled for this past few years or we're probably not gonna work out.

Im angry, sad and confused. Part of me wants to blame this on her mental health issues that have resurfaced recently, but im also scared that shes right.

I'm not giving up my music shit, its who I am, its the second most important thing I am next to being a father. It hasnt been a problem until recently, so I dunno what the fuck is going on.

Currently we're ok, shes chilled out which is adding weight to the theory she has that shes bipolar. If thats the case, as long as shes getting treatment I can handle it. Otherwise I dont know.

I want it to work out guys. Pray for me.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby aens_wife » Mon Jan 29, 2018 3:23 pm

Ok. Because this hits close to home, I am going to comment and please don't take anything I say the wrong way. I believe that music is who you are and that you shouldn't give it up totally.

BUT why does she need that from you? Are you pulling your weight (be honest here)? Does she have the space/time/money to pursue her own creative output? Do you have kids together? Is it equal parenting? Maybe it is mental health stuff. Or maybe she's just upset that you get more than her, in terms of time and creative space. I know that is what it boils down to in my house.

I have talked to a lot of guys who are totally confused by their ladies getting PISSED at their hobbies. It is almost never about the actual hobby but the fact that something else is WILDLY unfair in your relationship. And statistics show us that most relationships are, in fact, crazy unfair with the distribution of household tasks, parenting, work, etc.

There has to be a compromise here, right?
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby BitchPudding » Mon Jan 29, 2018 3:29 pm

Im doing the best I can as far as pulling my weight. I would like more days at my job but it was hard to even get the days I have now. Coupled with living in an expensive area, it gets tight. Taking a second job is something Im thinking about, but may not be realistic because I would never be home and wouldnt have the time.

She wants to go back to school which is great, but for us to be able to afford that I would need to work every day of the week with no off time, something we both agreed is unrealistic especially with raising a child. She wanted to use her tax return this year to go back to school since she claims our son and gets a huge return, but its all gonna be gone towards bills and helping her parents with loans, Pretty sure that has her upset too.

meanwhile im here getting my time for my music shit, but feeling like a total ass. :cry:
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby aens_wife » Mon Jan 29, 2018 3:39 pm

I didn't ask about work stuff, though. Why is that where men go in this discussion. Are the household chores even? If not, why not?

If she doesn't have any time for herself, why should you get any? I don't mean that to be confrontational, though I know some will interpret it that way. But honestly, why is your music time sacred if she doesn't have anything sacred for herself?

As far as her wanting to continue school, I very much sympathize with both of you there. I want to go back, we can't possibly afford it. So here I am, kind of stuck. But I would be that isn't really what she is very upset about.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby BitchPudding » Mon Jan 29, 2018 4:06 pm

Nah, i get where your coming from. Sorry about the work thing. Idk why i went there ether.

Ther are house chores that i have set and do, thats cool.

As far as her time, she doesnt really have anything. Ive asked her about it before if she has anything she wants to have time for, and she alwys says theres nothing. Which worries me a little.

Theres gotta be something more to whats upsetting her that im missing.
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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread

Postby aens_wife » Mon Jan 29, 2018 4:26 pm

If the chores aren't even, including who makes doc appointments, car repairs, bill paying, etc, then the resentment will continue. It doesn't really matter if you do the current list of chores, if it is really unfair, ya know?

I know that, for me, I couldn't even think about what I might want to do because I was too busy keeping everything steady with kids and home stuff. It took me a long time to figure out what I enjoyed anymore. What was she into when she was a kid? Did she have hobbies/interests?

Personally, I get really upset at thinking about the things I gave up to have kids/home. I was a really good musician and I basically gave that up. It has been hard to get back to it 15 years later. Same with writing (though at a much lower level). I think there is a natural cycle when your kids are little to give them everything and, for women, sometimes that ends with us having very little for ourselves when they start to grow up. I don't know many men who give up the same things.

Just my two cents... I'd be patient with her, try to get at what she might want/need now, and do more with kids and house or she won't feel able to take anything else for herself.
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