Secret Satan 2017 (What’s in the Box?)

[UglyCasanova]

Got a very sweet and funny email from my Satan.

Ah Kent,

Such a despicable young man you are. Wicked!

Despite your general naughtiness your ILFSS gift is on the way as ov this morning, your time.
I apologize, in as much as Satan apologizes for anything, for the lateness ov your majestic gift. It is not however without reason.

I had some imps in the United Kingdom selecting a lump ov coal for you that would particularly match your unique brand of sinfulness. Said coal lump only arrived yesterday. I also have some Japanese imps crafting a choice Japanese coal lump, but those imps are even lazier than the UK imps. I'm lead to believe the coal is somewhere between here and Japan, but who knows. It is not in my infernal possession, and time is ov the essence. As Lord of the Underworld I reign over many things. Time however, is not one ov these.

So this last detail will be shipped as soon as demonically possible, but despite my best efforts to motivate the pitiful postal workers I can't see it arriving at your little slice ov Norway in time for Christmas.

There is ov course also a risk that the main parcel won't arrive in time either - but souls will be eaten if this occurs.

Yours infernally,
Secret Satan

Now the postcards from Germany/France make even less sense. The hype is real and mindgames are the best!

[jrfox92]

"well, they wouldn't really know if they got one less treat than I originally planned..."

The good thing is that now, when I go back to get the candy, I know not to get what I got before because those mints really kill the mood.

[Jwar]

Dear Satan,

There is supposed to be a second gift on the way to you but I don't know if dude has shipped it. Kind of wondering what the deal is. Anyway, let me know when it arrives.


By Satan I mean Vidret as you already know.

[UglyCasanova]

You are Satan in this scenario, buddy.

[drolo]

we're all satans actually

[oldangelmidnight]

Everything is wrapped inside.
The cookie (yes, ONE cookie) to my knowledge can withstand a nuclear assault so no worries there. We people of the shire always keep some stashed in some safe place to have something to offer an eventual visitor. Sometimes years go by without said visitor ...
Use it wisely

we're all satans secretly

[Iommic Pope]

we're all satans actually

May I paraphrase and correct the punctuation to dig this?
#totaldick

[jrfox92]

Actually, we're all secretly Satans.

May I paraphrase and correct the punctuation to dig this?
#totaldick

[Inconuucl]

I get to purchase my replacement main gift tomorrow.

[drolo]

we're all satans actually

May I paraphrase and correct the punctuation to dig this?
#totaldick

go ahead, even if I don't get what you mean, my meagre English skills not permitting me to grasp all the delicate subtleties of your wonderful language

[D.o.S.]

No one grasps Aussie English.

[Eivind August]

My dad let me know that he has received a package from a certain Jeremy.

[DRodriguez]

Didn't know your Dad was on ILF, I wonder who you got.

[jrmy]

A certain Jeremy? I would be careful - Jeremys are not to be trusted...

[raj007]

Package arrived.
In the spirit of Satan, I opened it. Don’t tread on me!!

Also had my wife video it.

Will try and figure out how to get that here soon.

Loved every god damn thing in there —my satan rules ass. Good ass.