Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!

[KaosCill8r]

Hi fuzz lovers. It's been a while since I've been on. The reason is I just did a 2 and a half year prison sentence. Wasn't the most enjoyable experience at my age. I got out a little more than a month ago and I really can't find a way to get my life moving again. I can't even be intimate or even share a bed with my wife. I don't leave the house. I haven't done a thing except sit on the couch staring blankly at the idiot box. I Haven't touched any of my guitars since before I went in. My life has come to a complete standstill and I can't figure out how to jump start it again

Basically what I'm asking is if anyone out there has had a similar experience. If so how did you get yourself out of the hole and living again. I'm at my wits end and I'm pretty sure the missus is also. She stuck by me while I was inside, but I don't know how much longer she will even put up with me in this state I'm in. She's all I have left. Please help!

Anyway thanks for listening.
Kaos

[D.o.S.]

Holy shit dude I was wondering where you'd been off to. That's a bummer to hear about your situation.

Not sure how much I can relate or be helpful, but maybe you should really give riffing an honest go of it?

[dubkitty]

i've not been in prison, but i've come out of periods of depressive dysfunction that lasted for years. the first thing i'd recommend is finding a therapist...it sounds like you have a ton of stuff that needs to come out. it's also important to go outside, even if you have to force yourself...once you get out there it will feel better than you think while you're still stuck at home. trust me on this. i spent, like, 2014-last fall without going out for anything other than work, food, and medical appointments, and it's way better now. medication might also be an option, if only in the short term to get you over the hump. and by all means start playing. once you get started with any of this stuff it'll be 500% easier. glad you made it...good luck!

[calfzilla]

Sometimes just setting up a routine can help. It’ll suck at first but keep forcing the routine and it might help.

Good to hear you’re out though. Hope you can overcome this obstacle. Therapy should definitely be looked into if you start feeling more stuck.

[BetterOffShred]

So like others have said, I have never been to prison, but I'll offer up my advice/opinions anyway.

I find when I'm really down and stuck I need to get creative. Playing guitar is certainly an option but something that leaves a more tangible result is where I'd go first. Do you like to cook? If not learn how. Paint your wife a picture even if you suck at painting. Tackle a yard project, build a birdhouse, reorganize a room etc. All of these things produce an end product that you can continue to notice as you move forward with your life and I personally find it very comforting and a reminder that I can do things other than be crippled by depression.

The list goes on but the important part is to pick something small, accomplish it and move on. Don't take on a ton of stuff and end up spinning wheels and not finishing anything. You can get pretty decent craft supplies at the dollar store if that's a route you'd like to take (dry food goods too believe it or not)

As others said I think finding someone to talk to is a good idea as well, mayb4 your area has a group meeting for people in your situation? You can always talk to us

Anyways, keep your head up and go do something wonderful for your wife. She sounds like a good woman.

[JonnyAngle]

So you've basically been in since the beginning of 2016? You've missed a lot on ILF!

To bring you up to speed:
everyone has gone modular now
nobody likes fuzz anymore, only reverbs
ct5 batches don't sell out right away but you can still flip them on reverb for more than new price
purpll still hasn't been released
DOS moved to Europe

I can't offer any specific advice on your situation, but I'll make some assumptions and verbal diarrhea some things:
We partner with a woodshop that hires a lot of people directly from prison. The employees seem to like it and they have a chance for independence and a sense of self worth. Some of them have been able to move out of the general labor division and work in the office.

[Achtane]

So like others have said, I have never been to prison, but I'll offer up my advice/opinions anyway.

I find when I'm really down and stuck I need to get creative. Playing guitar is certainly an option but something that leaves a more tangible result is where I'd go first. Do you like to cook? If not learn how. Paint your wife a picture even if you suck at painting. Tackle a yard project, build a birdhouse, reorganize a room etc. All of these things produce an end product that you can continue to notice as you move forward with your life and I personally find it very comforting and a reminder that I can do things other than be crippled by depression.

The list goes on but the important part is to pick something small, accomplish it and move on. Don't take on a ton of stuff and end up spinning wheels and not finishing anything. You can get pretty decent craft supplies at the dollar store if that's a route you'd like to take (dry food goods too believe it or not)

As others said I think finding someone to talk to is a good idea as well, mayb4 your area has a group meeting for people in your situation? You can always talk to us

Anyways, keep your head up and go do something wonderful for your wife. She sounds like a good woman.

All of this is good advice. It's easy to feel discouraged when you have open-ended projects going. The sense of satisfaction and completion is a big boost. You need to feel like you've finished a set goal every now and then.

And go on a date with the wiff!

[Ghost Hip]

Just echoing what others have said. It's amazing how just going outside can change your mood in hard times, especially early in the morning. Sounds dumb but it helped me when I was unemployed and my relationship at the time was in poor shape. Put me in a good mindset to start the day of endless job hunting and to work on being a more positive presence to my partner.

If you can find a therapist you can afford, do it. I took way too long (a year) to find and make a first appointment, I wish I had done it way earlier. I know my therapist also holds free group therapy sessions. That may also be worth looking into, especially if you're weary about finding the right therapist. If not a therapist, connect with a friend or two who can positively reinforce you. Or perhaps even keeping a journal to sort through thoughts, create lists, etc.

And like BetterOffShred said, finding a routine does wonders. Starting is the most difficult but completing small tasks at the beginning of the day helps as well.

One thing a partner and I used to do at the end of the day is list three good things that happened that day. Food we ate, saw something beautiful, tasks we completed, talked to a friend, etc.

Hope this helps, bud. Feel free to post in this thread or positivity thread or wherever on what you have done that you're happy about/proud of. Welcome back!

[Eivind August]

Hi, man! Good to see you back, was wondering where you'd been. Your situation sounds rough and I have no real advice besides getting out from your comfort zone, but glad to see you post again.

[Jwar]

BRO! Welcome back! Holy hell! Had no idea where you disappeared to! Can't believe it's been that long. Man. I'm sorry about the prison stint. Hopefully things are better where that is concerned. Never been to jail personally, known many that have been on many levels. Glad you're out though.

Readjusting to society on any level can be exhausting. I know that from just being out of the "work force" for the last 5 years (self employed).

I feel for you man. Things will get better gradually though.

If it hasn't been recommended, maybe talking with someone like a counselor or psychologist could help. I know being in prison can royal screw a person's mindset, so any talking you can do to process it would likely help.

The closest real life experience I've had is being in rehab, but I was there willingly, so it's completely different.

If I were you (and I cannot even presume to know how you feel), I'd take the wife out and try to be intimate again. I'm sure you lost a lot of that being away, hell it happens in my marriage and we are feet away a lot of the times. So, get out there and take her dancing or to the movies, anything. Something that will help reignite your passion.

If you want to explore it from a purely medical/scientific level, there's a lot you can do to find your happiness, but it's not an easy road.

I myself suffer from manic depression and am mostly on the depressive side of the spectrum, so getting happiness back is a not a foreign concept to me.

I'll tell you what I know that can and will help if implemented.

Clean up your diet, I'm sure being on the inside you were forced to eat garbage or non nutritionally dense foods. Fill your diet with lots of bright colored fruits and veggies as well as a good source of protein. If that's something that's difficult to do because of money, start taking a pro-biotic as well as vitamin D (get your levels checked first but it's generally ok even if you have normal levels), B complex, Omega's (good source oil not rancid, plant based is the best).

Most of the serotonin in your body is produced in your gut. So, having good gut health will increase your levels of happiness.

Exercise. Go on a run, hit a gym, do some push ups. Push yourself to the point of using all your energy. When you're doing that, there's very little room to even think about being unhappy and eventually (at least in my case) it starts to get better by continuing that path. Exercise will release a ton of toxins that are going to be bogging you down.

Try something like 5 HTP (unless you're on psych meds, then avoid as it can be extremely dangerous!), Gaba Calm...etc. There's a metric fuck ton of supplements that are well studied and actually do help.

Look into an Alpha Stim unit. If you were in prison, there's a chance you've heard of this, but that's not a definite. I know they use them in a lot of prisons though. It's a small box that produces less than 5 millamps of powers, so less than what is required to even power your heart. It connects to your ears and works in a similar fashion as acupressure. This device can literally reshape the waves in your brain. I am a testament to that. I've been using one for 9 years now and it changed my life in a major way. You can also look into this through a doctor (it's a medical device, so you need a prescription).

Pick up an instrument and listen to music. Man, nothing helps more for people like us. We need the music. Here's just one song I listen to on a daily basis that calms me, even though it's not exactly a super happy song, it makes me happy. It frees me though.




Keep talking here too. We are here for you homie.

[SPACERITUAL]

Just happened to come across this. Not sure what happened in there but I am a survivor of certain types of abuse that may or may not have been encountered. Search threads started by me. Youll know it when you see it. Been in and out of support groups etc all my life. If you need to talk feel free to DM me. No shame no judgement i dont even know who you are and you can call from a blocked number if you want. No pressure. Either way there are survivor groups and support groups everywhere. They dont cost a cent and at a certain level can help you much mor ethan one on one sessions with therapists. Theres no shame in just going and listening. Noone is going to make you share and noone is going to push anything on you.

[odontophobia]

Welcome back.
Here’s hoping the outpouring and helpful advice you’ve received here helps, if only a tiny bit.

I don’t have much to offer but I hope the advice offered here will help to serve you to getting back some of that happiness.

[Warpsmasher]

Contrary to popular belief around here, I've never done hard time. I did spend one day in Tent City for driving too fast, and half a day in a California police station for having over an ounce of weed, but that's it.
I'll echo everyone recommending exercise and better nutrition/supplements/health. As a remedy for a fucked head, it has worked better than any drug or drink I ever tried. I still smoke weed, but no drinking or cigs.
I am finally healed enough from stupid joint injuries that I can have a daily workout again, and it feels so great to be able to do that after being unable for so long. Depression is lifted and the blessed feeling is returned.
If it's the first thing you do every day, even only a little half-assed workout can set your hormone levels right for the day, making things better in your head, and all your internal systems. It's like meditation or prayer, a silent and solemn activity performed for self improvement. It's also a good way to prepare yourself for whatever is up for the day, a preparation you can actually feel in your head and your body. When you feel strong, everything is easy.
Start with four sets of 20 honest push ups. That should not be too hard as an entry level. Try it once and see how you feel immediately after, and for the rest of the day.
There is also much to be said for the physical release of aggression/anger/anxiety/what have you. You need some catharsis. Beating/physically channeling the rage/grief/frustration out of yourself can be very satisfying, and rewarding, if you do it right.
If you are just not the type for that shit and never have been, consider it now. Crossroads, you know? Good luck.

[dozicusmaximus]

I haven't been to prison. I've done a few weekends in county and just got off probation again a few months ago.
I'll echo Jwar and Warpsmasher on cleaning up the diet and working out. It's a step in the right direction, for me anyway.
I'm still in a slump myself so I don't think I can offer much advice in that respect. But diet and exercise sure has been good for me. I've also been reading some books on Stoicism. That shit has been blowing my mind.
Readjusting will take time. This may be a poor analogy. But when I came back home after the military it took time for me to get back into the civilian mindset.

[Gone Fission]

Glad you’re out. Prison is no place to put people. I haven’t had the misfortune myself, and I’m sorry that you have.

Any mental health support you can get is a good idea. Behavioral psych might be helpful in understanding and dealing with the conditioning and triggers that you have picked up that were adaptive inside but not in normal life. You’ve probably spent that time waiting for things to move on, surviving, and protectively closing yourself down emotionally. It’s hard to break out of that. I don’t know if that’s your deal, and if it is, I don’t have magic bullets to fix it. But I really want you to get your life back.