Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!



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Re: Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!

Postby KaosCill8r » Wed Oct 17, 2018 10:05 am

Hi again guys. And thanks for all your responses, it meant a great deal. It's great to hear from a lot of my old friends and nice to meet the new members. All the advice was awesome thanks again. No point asking for help and then not taking it, so here's what's happened since I posted. First thing I've made appointment with my gp. See him in the morning. Will hopefully find and refer me somewhere to get some therapy. Also I'm already on ssri meds as well as anti-psychotic meds so I'm thinking they might have to be increased or changed. Have been taking them over 20 years. Glad I had them to fall back on while in there.

I've been taking more long walks on the days when the weather has allowed. Been doing laps of the local lake at the arboretum. Lots of bird life and a few of my old kangaroo friends. Those walks have made me feel much better.
Diet wise, the wife is pumping me full of fresh vegetables each meal and I'm starting to feel better. Good healthy fresh food was actually a bit of a shock to the system at first.

Also on the weekend I took the missus into Melbourne about 3 hours away so she could catch up with some old friends. Went drinking and dancing in the city and an overnight night stay in a swanky hotel. Well swanky for us anyway. I'm not supposed to be drinking or using drugs but I just gave a clean piss test on Thursday last week, so hopefully won't be tested for a while. The one thing I really missed in there besides the wife and intelligent conversation was some herb to smoke. It wasn't too hard not to go without weed while in there. It's harder to go without while out. It's so close but I just can't touch it yet. Fuuuuuck!!!

I've also have a fun project to start. Just before I went in I won a secondhand guitar. Was in the post when I got busted. So of course I end up with other more important things on my mind and totally forgot about it. The wife remembered it and dragged it out last week. Order a shitload of parts. The pickups arrived today. The machine heads should arrive tomorrow and hopefully the rest early next week. That will be a nice guitar to find my chops on again. Will post it in the guitar tech thread. I have been noodling around on my nylon string and I'm so rusty. Feels more like I've not played in 10 years not 2 and a half.

About my stay. I was traumatised while there. No sexual assault thank fuck but I was bashed pretty bad a couple of times. I fought back each time but still come off second best. Like I said it's tough in there for someone 40+ and unfit. But I'm ok about it. I'm a big boy and I got over that quickly. That was just the first month in. I got left alone after that. The really traumatic things was what I saw. One dude got slashed. I was close enough to have some of his blood spill on my shoulder. I saw 2 stabbings and one dude got set on fire. None of the incidents were fatal. But the dude that got burned is pretty fucked up.

I have spent the last month watching tv. Catching up on stuff I was enjoying before, also I'm a new convert to Netflix and Stan. Lots of new discoveries I've binge watched like Ozark, Glow, Orange is the new black, Better Call Saul and now I'm half way through Norseman. That one is cheering me up heaps. If you are into black humour then I highly recommend.

Anyone have any Netflix or Stan recommendations they would be able share.

Anyway I have atleast got started on my recovery and will keep you all updated on my progress.

Cheers Kaos
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Re: Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!

Postby D.o.S. » Wed Oct 17, 2018 10:57 am

If you're into black humour (and Aussie Netflix has it) I highly, highly suggest The League of Gentlemen.
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Re: Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!

Postby popvulture » Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:05 pm

Sounds like a rough trip in there but I'm relieved to hear that it wasn't as bad as it could've been. I've never experienced anything like that and can't imagine what it must've been like to see what you saw, but I have zero doubt it's difficult as hell getting over that shit.

Just chiming in because I saw the running thread just a few posts down. Not sure if you've got any interest in it, but I will say that running has been a real gift to me in my life as a sober dude. Stress reliever, relaxer, mental balancer—you name it. The best thing about it is that you can totally suck at it (which I do), and it doesn't fucking matter. The only person it's for is you (well, and everyone else who'll probably benefit from you being happier as well :) ).

So anyway, worth a thought! Glad to hear you're movin' forward—welcome back :hug:
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Re: Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!

Postby Jwar » Wed Oct 17, 2018 2:52 pm

Stranger Things dude!!! Check that out! Also if you're into horror, American Horror Story has been fucking killer.

The new cartoons on Netflix are fucking hilarious too. Paradise PD is so raunchy and fucked up and Big Mouth...oh man. ahahahaha. SOOOO fucked up and funny. I love it.

Binge watching some shit can for sure cheer you up and Norsemen is hilarious.


I've got more show suggestions too if you don't dig on those.
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Re: Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!

Postby gnomethrone » Wed Oct 17, 2018 8:01 pm

Damn that's a good follow up to read. Glad to hear things are starting to look up. Not trying to be a shitty influence but here in the usa my friends all use synthetic urine when it's time to visit the parole piggys. Maybe have some of that on hand. Do some googlin and make sure you get the right stuff but it's a life saver.
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Re: Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!

Postby KaosCill8r » Thu Oct 18, 2018 12:45 am

Hey thanks, I'll definitely check out everyone's Netflix suggestions. Sounds like they are right up my alley.

gnomethrone wrote:Damn that's a good follow up to read. Glad to hear things are starting to look up. Not trying to be a shitty influence but here in the usa my friends all use synthetic urine when it's time to visit the parole piggys. Maybe have some of that on hand. Do some googlin and make sure you get the right stuff but it's a life saver.


Yeah as much as I love drugs, and I really love drugs. I have vowed to do the right thing. Better to just wait it out. Don't want to risk putting my self back there just because of stupidity and impatience. I'm sure the synthetic urine works but in the back of my mind I would be still too paranoid after submitting the sample. I'm actually looking forward to what the first bong hit does to me after 3 + years break. I'm guessing it will blow my head clean off. Be like virgin lungs again.
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Re: Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!

Postby comesect2.0 » Thu Oct 18, 2018 1:27 am

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Re: Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!

Postby gnomethrone » Thu Oct 18, 2018 12:03 pm

Ha yeah for sure. Good on ya. It sketches me out too, i always just abstain for awhile when im gonna be looking for a new job. Just wanted to pass the info along.
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Re: Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!

Postby KaosCill8r » Sat Oct 20, 2018 11:31 am

comesect2.0 wrote:Image


:lol: I love drugs but not as much as that dude. Never got down on my knees for some buds.
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Re: Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!

Postby Lurker13 » Sun Oct 21, 2018 12:19 pm

Hi KaosCill8r, welcome back to the world. There isn't much I an say that hasn't already been said, but I'm sorry you went through that nightmare and I'm glad that it's over for you. But I do want to pile on the suggestions about showing your wife a fuckton of love and gratitude, she must be one hell of a woman.
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Re: Help kaoscill8r find his happiness again!

Postby goroth » Mon Oct 22, 2018 9:36 am

Welcome back buddy!

You were building some cool fuzzes before you hit jail - get working on something cool maybe, open a reverb shop and sell a few? Could be a good way to have something to focus on and get a wee bit of extra cash.
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