Depression rears it's ugly head again

[JonnyAngle]

[jrfox92]

[Jwar]

So I'm finding myself a bit in a rut again.

My dog had to be put down yesterday and it's taken a huge emotional toll on me. The worst thing for me was that I watched him suffer for probably 30 minutes before I was able to get him help. Maybe 40. I don't know. The day is a blur.

I'm beyond depressed about that.

Less than a month ago, I paid off 15k in debt, which I badly needed to do. Now I'm trying to get my head above water by getting a large equity loan so I can purchase more rental properties. Well, that's not working out too well. I've already this week had to spend almost 3k I don't have. I'm going to try and get into the bank this week or at very least start the talk over the phone. I'm afraid they'll say no. I'm more afraid we'll rack that debt right back up. It's hard when you have "oh shits" happen all at once. The dog, my refrigerator needing replaced, my wife's car is going to shit, HOA dues, fucking renewal tags, health related bullshit I have to pay because I can't get good insurance...etc. It's just stressful and I know, I know everyone goes through this stuff. I just get tired of it.

I almost listed all my gear for sale this morning as I'm so damn depressed, I barely give a shit about it anymore, but I stopped myself. If I sell all of it, I'll probably regret it and it's one of the biggest ways I'm able to relax.

Sorry for constantly dumping here. I just need support from time to time and I don't really get it from anyone other than my wife, so it's hard.

[echorec]

That's shit, Jwar. Sorry your week has taken such a dive. Do you have anybody locally to pal around with or talk about stuff, who's not your spouse/extended family? I realize parenting and your investments are taking up a lot of time, but it seems like you need some form of catharsis/human interaction outside exercise/music.

[comesect2.0]

whats up with that, every other day Il get into a head space where its like "you dont deserve anything" and end up putting all my possessions in front of me and configuring in my head why it doesnt matter and does nothing but hold me down,
"all this STUFF!" then its like yeah, if I had to keep a set of something it would be my gear/books? Just keep reminding myself you have cloths, food, electricity, a home, and running water...but the future is so uncertain...money will come and go, though the worry of not being able to afford a nice place for my kid in the future, not knowing how il get there, and just looking around like this is all an illusion & its not really yours, since im living with a relative, is a constant hour glass of worry. money, job, car....seems thats the equation that will set a normality,
though until my daughter starts school I cant work...and when she does it will be some crap night job at a supermarket....probably...and a license/car, i just dont want to drive in this city...its nuts.

no need to say sorry, id think we are all here to help in one way or another, words or more if possible.

[codetocontra]

Sorry about your dog.

Im going to PM you my phone number if you ever need to talk.

Is making more investments into rentals a profitable venture? To me they seem like more short term expenses with the fixes and cleaning up before recouping any investments down the road.

Everyone's insurance is ducked. Just a ducking scam.

[Jwar]

I have a few people to talk to and I do, but sometimes the people I try to talk to won't really listen or let me get what I need to out of my head before they add their input, so it's not always helpful. The older I get, the less and less I seem to be around other people. I mean, outside of the gym and such. It's kind of sad really.

Com-I feel you on the job thing. I'm a stay at home dad basically, so what I do now is the only way I can make money. My kids are out of school and my littlest won't be big enough to go to school full time for another year or so. I'm basically stuck as well and when I am not, I'll be in the same situation of "ok I can do this job basically to be social but it will be some shit job that requires no skills and I'll hate it". Plus I will have to find someone to work with my hours, which doesn't always happen.

That's why I'm doing the real estate. Yes there are expenses. For instance, I just shelled out 850 last week to install a garage door opener, new springs and new pulleys.

The upside to that is that I won't have to do it again. For instance, let's say I have to buy an HVAC unit. It will probably run me 5k (if I'm lucky) for the full unit. Well, after that, it's good for probably 20 years. The chances of me owning that property in 20 years is extremely slim. My end goal is to own commercial property. I'm wanting either a funeral home, storage facility, or a crematorium (this is the one I want the most). I know that seems morbid, but people always die and it's a solid business. They do not come up for sale often though and I'd be looking at probably a 2 mil investment. In five years though, if I keep moving, that won't be a big deal.

I just have to keep growing. That's the name of that game. Grow, collect equity, grow, sell...etc. You're just trying to get enough capital for the end goal. Shit apartment complexes are great as well. They are a pain in the ass but they make a fuck ton of money. Or retirement communities. I've got a lot of idea. So I'm ok in that regard. It's just the other shit.

[waltdogg]

I have a few people to talk to and I do, but sometimes the people I try to talk to won't really listen or let me get what I need to out of my head before they add their input, so it's not always helpful. The older I get, the less and less I seem to be around other people. I mean, outside of the gym and such. It's kind of sad really.

Com-I feel you on the job thing. I'm a stay at home dad basically, so what I do now is the only way I can make money. My kids are out of school and my littlest won't be big enough to go to school full time for another year or so. I'm basically stuck as well and when I am not, I'll be in the same situation of "ok I can do this job basically to be social but it will be some shit job that requires no skills and I'll hate it". Plus I will have to find someone to work with my hours, which doesn't always happen.

That's why I'm doing the real estate. Yes there are expenses. For instance, I just shelled out 850 last week to install a garage door opener, new springs and new pulleys.

The upside to that is that I won't have to do it again. For instance, let's say I have to buy an HVAC unit. It will probably run me 5k (if I'm lucky) for the full unit. Well, after that, it's good for probably 20 years. The chances of me owning that property in 20 years is extremely slim. My end goal is to own commercial property. I'm wanting either a funeral home, storage facility, or a crematorium (this is the one I want the most). I know that seems morbid, but people always die and it's a solid business. They do not come up for sale often though and I'd be looking at probably a 2 mil investment. In five years though, if I keep moving, that won't be a big deal.

I just have to keep growing. That's the name of that game. Grow, collect equity, grow, sell...etc. You're just trying to get enough capital for the end goal. Shit apartment complexes are great as well. They are a pain in the ass but they make a fuck ton of money. Or retirement communities. I've got a lot of idea. So I'm ok in that regard. It's just the other shit.

sorry if i did that messaging you. i was just really worried you'd do something rash.

anyways, good luck and i'm pulling for you.

[codetocontra]

Genuinely intetested in your business savvy. Probably not the right time or place to ask you more about it.

[actual]

but people always die and it's a solid business.

This

[JonnyAngle]

I have a few people to talk to and I do, but sometimes the people I try to talk to won't really listen or let me get what I need to out of my head before they add their input, so it's not always helpful. The older I get, the less and less I seem to be around other people. I mean, outside of the gym and such. It's kind of sad really.

Com-I feel you on the job thing. I'm a stay at home dad basically, so what I do now is the only way I can make money. My kids are out of school and my littlest won't be big enough to go to school full time for another year or so. I'm basically stuck as well and when I am not, I'll be in the same situation of "ok I can do this job basically to be social but it will be some shit job that requires no skills and I'll hate it". Plus I will have to find someone to work with my hours, which doesn't always happen.

That's why I'm doing the real estate. Yes there are expenses. For instance, I just shelled out 850 last week to install a garage door opener, new springs and new pulleys.

The upside to that is that I won't have to do it again. For instance, let's say I have to buy an HVAC unit. It will probably run me 5k (if I'm lucky) for the full unit. Well, after that, it's good for probably 20 years. The chances of me owning that property in 20 years is extremely slim. My end goal is to own commercial property. I'm wanting either a funeral home, storage facility, or a crematorium (this is the one I want the most). I know that seems morbid, but people always die and it's a solid business. They do not come up for sale often though and I'd be looking at probably a 2 mil investment. In five years though, if I keep moving, that won't be a big deal.

I just have to keep growing. That's the name of that game. Grow, collect equity, grow, sell...etc. You're just trying to get enough capital for the end goal. Shit apartment complexes are great as well. They are a pain in the ass but they make a fuck ton of money. Or retirement communities. I've got a lot of idea. So I'm ok in that regard. It's just the other shit.

Residential properties are peanuts compared to commercial properties.

Are you looking to own the business or just the buildings?

[Jwar]

sorry if i did that messaging you. i was just really worried you'd do something rash.

anyways, good luck and i'm pulling for you.

Not at all! Sorry I should have been more clear. It's people that are around me all the time that I feel like don't listen. I've had a lot of pain this last year and have had an extremely difficult time processing it. You guys rock though and you do help me.

I did talk to my best friend last night and that helped a lot. We've been friends for 25 years, so I can talk to him about anything. He helped me though my feelings about my dog being put down.

Genuinely intetested in your business savvy. Probably not the right time or place to ask you more about it.

Some time I can start a thread about it or if you come to the Midwest meet up we can talk about it! I have some help because my dad is/was an extremely successful business man who started with nothing to owning a 30 million dollar company. My uncle was the same. Started from nothing, now he's a millionaire and just looking for places to put his money to make more money. My dad ultimately got kind of screwed but he's set for life, so, he's ok.

Residential properties are peanuts compared to commercial properties.

Are you looking to own the business or just the buildings?

Hah! You're absolutely right about them being peanuts man! That's why I have to grow the way I'm growing. To build enough equity and capital to pull off a large loan. It takes some time and good portfolio. I'm on my way though! I have the LLC, pay on time without a hitch, take care of everything needed and have cash rolling in each month. It's not a lot, but it's money to live off of. My brother is a few steps ahead of me, but he's younger and not as cautious. I tend to move a bit slower and am picky about the properties I choose.

I'm not looking to rent the buildings, that's a whole new level of nightmare. LOL! Commercial renting can be lucrative, but it's a grind. My cousin is a broker and he does shit like that. He started in commercial and made a lot doing it.

My end goal is to own and sub out management for several different places. It doesn't really matter what, I just have my preferences. As long as the bank roll is right, I'm good. For instance, my Uncle owns a storage unit in Grandview, MO and he paid I believe 2 mil. He nets 200k after expenses, which is pretty damn good. That's just the tip of what he has though, but he had to work really hard to get there. Once you get one though and it's successful and pulling in cash, banks look at you differently. The key is buy things that you can easily turn around if you had to, otherwise you need to put back enough cash to roll those businesses in the event that they stop producing until you can sell.

[JonnyAngle]

My mentor didn't buy his first property until he was 45.

[Jwar]

I figured I'd give an update as I found myself in a compromising position once again.

I am and will always be an addict. What am I addicted to? Well, you name it and I probably have had an issue with it.

Over the last 6 months or so, I found myself abusing Kratom once again. It started off innocently enough. I was depressed, hurting and trying to gain control of my sanity. Day after day, I'd take it until one day I noticed it no longer was working for me. So, I increased my dosage. That worked a bit, but then eventually it did nothing again, so I switched strains, that did the ticket.

While on Kratom, I once again made some extremely poor financial decisions. Over the past two months I spent 5k on different things, and honestly some of them I don't even remember buying. The boxes are still coming in the mail. This has devastated me on many levels as well as my family. We cannot afford to take on that debt but I made us take it on. I am self destructive.

Things that have attributed to me wanting to get out of my fucking head this year, well there are many but the top are-

My mother in law having a stroke, then moving in with me, then not moving out. So I lost my peace and quite and feel like a prisoner in my own home. I know that's not her intent obviously, but why is she still here? When will she leave? I'd say probably never. It's like having another kid but worse (not that kids are horrible).

My brothers divorce has taken a toll on me. I shouldn't even have to think about it right?? Wrong. I've been thrown in the middle. I went from being more on my sister in laws side to hating her guts. She's a liar, a manipulator and is trying to take money from my family because she's angry. I am being called into court now and so is my wife and my mother because she will not settle with my brother. Their marriage was always a wreck and of fucking course their divorce is now as well. She is making my entire family suffer right now and I hate her.

I spent 30k in fixes on properties because my realtor is a stupid douche bag. I was sold properties and he did not properly have my back on the deals and I ended up down shit creek without a paddle. I had to throw so much money in that now I'm going to spend probably the next 5 years paying down my loans so I can make some decent money. It will be worth it in the long run, but I'm really upset by all this. I did what I thought was right and of course I get my ass handed to me.

I've almost all together stopped going to the gym. I gradually stopped going and now I just cannot seem to get myself back into it. The gym was my life before and now I'm so fucking depressed I don't even want to get out of bed. Most days I look forward to night time because I know my brain will shut down and I'll be able to relax.

I've stopped eating as healthy as I used to as well. I've just kind of given up in general on life. I'm lethargic, pessimistic and over all want to escape.

I no longer see ILF as a safe haven. I see it as a burden and a lot of times an annoyance. I love everyone here but I get into fights all the time now. I don't know why.

So because of all this bullshit, I started last week to go back to my physiologist. He recommended me weaning myself off the Kratom (don't take it, just don't) and I tried for a week then threw it in the fucking garbage. I don't care if I have withdraw. I'm done.

I want to turn my life around again and I feel like I can but this has been one of the hardest years of my life. I feel like I'm on the bring of a complete and utter meltdown.

One day at a time I suppose. I'll keep pushing ahead, but I may disappear from here after SS is done. If for anything to save you all from me.

[Chankgeez]

Feel better soon, Adam.

I just read this article on kratom: https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/health ... ailsignout