by Jwar » Mon Apr 22, 2019 8:16 pm
Wow. Hard to think that it's been almost two years since I made this thread and yet, here I am again. In a rut. In continual rut which I'm not quite sure I ever fully came out of from the original post here.
Here's the skinny. I've gotten to the point where I don't want to do anything. I barely sleep, eat, exercise, romance or do anything normal anymore. I'm sad all the fucking time. My kids drive me ape shit. I hate what I do for a living because, well, be a landlord for a day and tell me how you feel. My back is up against a wall financially with my business and I can't see the path anymore. I'm just burned the fuck out.
Vacation last year was an extremely mild relief to this.
Being a landlord has absolutely demolished me as a person and honestly, it's kind of made me hate people and I have no patience for bullshit anymore. People have zero respect for you and they let you know it by destroying your shit that you spend astronomical amounts on. BUT I'm a parasite because I'm a landlord. Right? I must make bank because I own properties, so fuck me. If ONLY they really understood how shit works. How I don't make any money. How I made 18k net last year because of being shafted by so many shitty people.
My kids, oh man. Fucking want to just ground them forever somedays. I'm sure all parents feel like this but my middle daughter pushes that shit to the fucking max. She can't help it either. That's the worst part. She is so clearly afflicted by the same issues as myself and I don't know what to do. I'm at home constantly trying to do something but never pushing forward.
I just feel distraught and I don't know what to do. I can't talk to my wife because she is not emotionally available 90% of the time I need her. My family fucking sucks, my psychologist was more concerned with selling me fucking Juice Plus than my actual mental well being so I stopped going, my friends...what friends? I have two maybe.
So, just done.
Don't you ever just want to say fuck everything and just leave forever? I sure as shit do.
"I do not have the ability to think rationally 90% of the time and I also change my mind at the drop of a hat".
-JWAR