Shitty movies

[$harkToootth]

I don't like Polanski's movies. That always separated me among 'cinephiles'. Polanski and Hitchcock are the two directors in the collective consciousness I don't care for (the exception being VERTIGO, I love that movie).

I went to the REPULSION retrospective at the BFI. The speaker made an interesting comparison. People usually made the connection between REPULSION and TAXI DRIVER but the speaker said REPULSION actually probably has more in common with DRILLER KILLER (one of my all time favorites and posted a few pages back). Made me think...

EDIT/ADDENDUM: What's worse than Polanski is 'Polanski Rip-Offs'. Looking at you BLACK SWAN...

[BetterOffShred]

I was like "Oh sweet, a Polanski flick.." but yeah it was pretty janky.. the bitches eyes going all bananas while they fuck outside the burning building .. what a shitty movie

[Blackened Soul]

I don't care for (the exception being VERTIGO, I love that movie).

ALL movies with Jimmy Stewart in them MUST remain unwatched at all time.

[$harkToootth]

You're right. I was listening to an interview with one of the gentlemen from Screeching Weasel. Apparently he writes fan fiction for movies like 'It's A Wonderful Life'.

[Achtane]

Heed my words.
If you stop the movie right before Clarence gets involved, "It's A Wonderful Life" is the most realistically, brutally depressing movie ever made. It's great.

That should be like, the director's cut version.

[Blackened Soul]

Maybe so, but if I have to hear that voice one more time I'll have to cut a bitch.

[$harkToootth]

My friends and I watched STICK IT last night. We uh....we got really into it...it became a full blown discourse into 'segmentation' 'gender roles' and the propagation of heteronormative values. It's also a pretty interesting indicator of some Easter Vs. Western values in regards to team work and praise.

[Bassist_Diver]

Apparently "The Snowman" is a steamy turd, which is a huge disappointment seeing as the book was bananas good. Kind of saw it coming - IME when a movie airs previews more than a 4 weeks ahead of its release it's usually a bad sign.

[$harkToootth]

I re-watched 1990: THE BRONX WARRIOR the other day. Read this troll review on Amazon and laughed hysterically. Thought I would share. The best part is 1. Written by a male. 2. A significant amount of the characterization did not actually happen in the movie

NSFW: show

Enzo Castelarri's "Bronx Warriors" does what many truly great films do: It inspires fascinating discussion and provokes mixed reactions. The male friend with whom I saw it back in 1993 and I were so enthralled that we kept our significant others waiting to leave for our respective Christmas vacations because we kept phoning each other to discuss symbolism and interesting themes in the movie. While I continue to absolutely love the film, I also recognize why some viewers have not shared my reaction. Perhaps you have to have at least considered a forbidden love affair or perhaps you have to have found yourself trapped in a relationship where you feel you have lost your voice to appreciate what Trash explores.

The story centers around Ann (Stefania Girolami in an Oscar-winning performance) and her boyfriend, Trash (Mark Gregory--who also won an Oscar for his extraordinary performance). She leave her upper-class home in New York after her father (apparently) arranges for her to take over the Manhattan Corporation, which controls 60% of the world's arms production!. Ann, who has willed herself not to speak since age 6, expresses herself through her beloved motorcycle.

The true story of who fathered Ann is never revealed in the movie, but the context suggests that she is Hot Dog's illegimate child born from an illicit affair. The hinted-at story of Sandy conception provides a key to understanding both why Hammer later begins an affair with his Bronx neighbor Rat (George Eastman) and why he makes a mail-order marriage in the first place. I suspect that Hot Dog's aging father may have wanted to see him settled--preferably far away so that his unconventional behavior would no longer be a source of social embarassment--and given Ann's muteness and out-of-wedlock child, her father probably couldn't find a suitable suitor in the Bronx.

Ogre (Fred Williamson) first encounters his future wife on a lonesome gray beach surrounded by her crated belongings. His tiger gang buddies begin carrying many household items up the muddy path to his dreary homestead. But Ogre refuses to bring Witch along, despite Ann's apparent distress and Trash's pleas that her mother MUST have her motorcycle.

Ann's motorcycle, abandoned on the New York beach, captures the sense of what 20th century Bronx life might have been like for too many women--treasured possessions, the last ties to "civilization" left behind.

Rendered voiceless without her motorcycle, Ann begs Ogre to return for her motorcycle through notes and more pleas from Ice. Finally she persuades Hot Dog--a truck driver whose messed up leg evidences the extent to which he has "gone native" and who is considered less civilized by his neighbors--to guide her back to the beach. Ann comes to life again as she, at last, gets to ride. Drawn by her passion for the motorcycle, Ogre arranges with Trash to trade land for the Motorcycle. Without consulting his witch, Ogre assures him that Ann will provide lessons too.

During first of these lessons, Ann strikes her own bargain with Hot Dog, whom she still considers a boor: She will trade sexual favors to earn back her motorcycle, one piece at a time. Ultimately, her reluctant bargain grows into full-blown love and passion. The dark, brooding tone of "Bronx Warriors" however, suggests that something in this situation will go tragically, and probably violently, wrong.

Castellari has filled his movie with awesome rock music (actually played by Bon Jovi) and intriguing imagery. The metaphor of rock music as voice and losing and regaining one's voice, Ann's role in changing her father's fate, the question of whether Trash's bargain reflects a man taking control of his life or just being victimized in a different way, and many other complexities make this a movie worth watching again and again and again.

[$harkToootth]

This was downright amazing laugh-out-loud hilarious (it was supposed to be).

[ibarakishi]

' from the guys that brought you American Pie Cabin Fever and The Ring... They'll Dam you To Hell!... ZOMBEAVERS '

I laughed pretty hard at this. Probably too hard...

have to see the trailer now

[$harkToootth]

There is an amazing quote in the film. Spoiler alert.

NSFW: show

"I'm sorry I never ate your pussy. It just smells so bad down there!

[$harkToootth]

I love that movie! Here is a list of bad shark movies I enjoy:

Sharknado
Sharknado 2: the second one
Sharknado 3: oh hell no
Sharknado 4
Ghost shark
Sand sharks
Snow shark: ancient snow beast
Avalanche sharks
Swamp shark
Mega shark vs giant octopus
Mega shark vs crocosaurus
Mega shark mecha shark
Mega shark vs kolossus
Sharktopus
Super Shark
Two headed shark attack
Three headed shark attack
Jersey shore shark attack
Dinoshark
Sharktopus vs pteracuda
Sharktopus vs dinoshark
Sharktopus vs whalewolf

I'm going for it! I did SHARKNADO last night!
You know...all things considered, the guy who edited the film did a great job with what he had. In a way, it's pretty advanced. You can tell she/he was a student of the Vsevolod Pudovkin school of thought (I'm kind of kidding, kind of now...). In a way, the editor worked with 'samples'. Is there a linkage between 'Shark Films' and Brands love of samples? I think so but I will have to investigate further.

I think my favorite scenes are the ones in the car with the characters kind of just sighing at each other. They didn't even have the decency to green screen the background so most of the time the viewer is looking at an interior of a car with overexposed white backgrounds (granted it was a storm, but white does not equal overcast). That said, not for nothing, but I could argue this is also an 'advanced' technique as Kubrick blew out his windows for interiors all the time.

[Bloodhammer]

One of my favorites:

Severed Ways: The Norse Discovery of America (2007)

This is the debut film of a man I now consider a hero (not sure if he's made any films since). Severed Ways is quite possibly one of the best worst movies I've ever seen. First of all, the entire soundtrack is early 90's black metal, Judas Priest, and Brian Eno. The camera work is very frustrating at many points, but somehow manages to capture some exquisite natural beauty when the footage being filmed isn't a shaky close-up (that's so close you can count nose hairs) or a character literally taking a shit in the woods. The movie is divided into "chapters" that don't segue smoothly from one into the next, but have title scenes in between telling you what chapter is upcoming - sometimes including a viking headbanging to Dimmu Borgir while holding a battle ax in front of a bonfire in the background.

The dialogue is very sparse, but what little there is (pitch-shifted Swedish?) is subtitled (sometimes in American slang, which I find to be very endearing). The plot is very minimal. Two young vikings get stranded on the coast somewhere in modern day New England after the entire crew of their ship gets killed in battle with natives while they're off hunting. The whole movie is just these two trying to walk their way back to "Lief's" camp hundreds of miles to the north. Along the way, they meet new friends (sort of), encounter old enemies, burn down a church, are persistently hunted by "Skraeling" (natives), question their faith, and ultimately learn what it really means to become a man. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be disgusted, you may give up on it, and/or you may just fall in love with Severed Ways.

[BitchPudding]

Best: Final Flesh. A movie about a group of families surviving nuclear apocalypse, but the script is outsourced to a porn studio for filming. So imagine a porno, with no sex, lots of nudity, about the apocalypse.

Fav Quote: "The cockroach survived! Geregor Samsa will have the last laugh now!"

Worst: Season of the Witch. Nicholas Cage but in a shit quality fantasy movie that tries to cash in on The Lord of The Rings waaaaaay too late.

I don't even have a good quote cause I blocked the whole experience from my memory. Even the poster is shit.



Its like they photoshopped his damn face on Aragorn.