Corey Y wrote:neonblack wrote:Invisible Man wrote:Jesus Christ it is hard to be a good man. I'm still trying, but holy shit. Maybe some other folks could try a little bit? Things would be a little more humane, perhaps?
I often wonder how much easier my life would be if I were a total piece of shit
I have this thought A LOT. Same with my wife. We also talk a lot about we both were just kind of doing whatever as kids, with no one watching, while our parents partied and were alcoholics and/or drug addicts and discuss how much easier parenting would be if we just didn't give a shit. Also, how it must be really relaxing to be shitty and/or stupid, because they never worry if they're fucking up or doing enough.
My parents were also profoundly irresponsible, shitty people with no remorse, and here's how I like to think about it. It's true that their surface consciences are clean, thanks to their childish egos protecting them from any critical self-reflection, but when I look at their lives I see nothing but vapidity and waste, and I find it difficult to believe that this isn't a source of pain and regret in the deeper, unexamined layers of their psyche. Parenting was something they clearly hated doing, and they did such a bad job of it that none of their children speak to them, so they don't even have anything to show for all that struggle. They'll never face their life choices, so redemption is not possible, but the reality of their lives serves as its own punishment: empty, valueless, bereft of genuine connections with other people, without even material accomplishments (other than what they inherited from their dead parents) to console themselves with. It doesn't make me
happy to understand this about them, because it's sad and pointless, but it's a (possibly morbid) form of satisfaction to know that they've reaped precisely the life that they sowed.
All this to say, yeah shitty people look like they're totally fine because they don't cope with shame, guilt, regret, or engage in the hard work of being a better person, but ultimately their lives are truly pathetic in a way that others who make an effort will never be.