The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread...

[dubkitty]

in there...WOOP WOOP

[BitchPudding]

I inadvertently annoyed my fiancee into not talking to me.

Its 10:30am and im outside in my studio staring at a bottle of wine. I havent drank any yet, even tho that was the plan.

Its scary how often my brain goes to "numb pain with drink" when I do something stupid. This is the closest I've gotten to actually doing it.

I hate my life.

[John]

3 bits of advice:

1. Don't drink the wine.

2. Talk about the situation and your feelings to someone who knows you well and is non-judgemental.

2. Don't get married yet. If situations like this are common then you are not ready to make a commitment that will be disastrous to get out of.

[ibarakishi]

I inadvertently annoyed my fiancee into not talking to me.

Its 10:30am and im outside in my studio staring at a bottle of wine. I havent drank any yet, even tho that was the plan.

Its scary how often my brain goes to "numb pain with drink" when I do something stupid. This is the closest I've gotten to actually doing it.

I hate my life.

as already mentioned, don't drink.

earlier you mentioned that your fiancee might be concerned that she is manic depressive or bipolar. aens_wife already gave you some good advice honestly about addressing things that could possibly be concerns for your fiancee. I would just add further that if you are truly concerned that your fiancee might be struggling with any form of manic depression or similar things, and you are really committed to building a healthy relationship together, then educating yourself about her condition and how to best set up an environment that is supportive and safe for the both of you to reach your goals successfully together is vital. This could be in the form of seeking professional advice from a specialist if you can afford it, or simply doing your homework and reading about all the information out there about the possible things that need to be addressed. Regardless, you both need to openly communicate with each other about this at some point and continue to work on have an open dialogue.

As someone who has a partner that struggles with this for many years, and as someone who also has worked a long time on addressing my own concerns with my mental hygiene, i can say up front that it isn't easy (for your partner and yourself included). But the rewards for developing together, investing in each other, and being able to share in the triumphs of your partner while also having the understanding of having also crawled through the lowest points in their life is something that isn't easy to express in words. Regardless of how long something lasts, having done the work and taken steps towards something you genuinely care about and believe in is priceless, regardless the outcome.

I know that i am not a long time member, or anybody that you know personally or have a deep relationship with. But i hope that doesn't stop you from reaching out if you or your partner would like any support or what little life experience and advice i can give you in relation to what has been important to us. This is something that is continuing, and i can tell you honestly that it never 'ends' in the sense that there is never a 'cure'. But i can state that once you and your partner are able to come to terms with your conditions and grasp them for what they really are, you will be able to take the necessary steps that are appropriate for you both to then hopefully see the triumph and beauty in working through the absurd. I still fail. My partner still fails. But we have came to way better understandings because of it all. It is incredibly difficult at times. But i am proud, respect, and love my partner for it. You can PM me anytime, so don't hesitate to reach out if you need it.

I think one of the hardest things for the person with manic depression is to fully be able to step out of their condition and look at their life and the relationships and see the full scale of how it affects everything when they hit both lows and highs (both are equally dangerous, depending on each individual and how they are able to manage their situations). Once they are able to address this and fully grasp it, they are then able to confidently take steps in their own faith to manage it and set up environments/life decisions that better support healthy outcomes and more stable states. For the person in the relationship with them, being able to manage the waves and know warning signs/signifiers of tide changes is critical, as is being able to communicate effectively and be committed/responsible to maintaining clear and consistent life structure that supports their condition. Being able to truly work on both of your mental conditions together in an open and respectful/healthy way is important as well, and as aens_wife said the equal division of give and take is critical, especially for your partner. If both people are not committed and honestly want to see the other succeed and grow, then this is a huge problem. And when your loved one is in a manic state, it is incredibly difficult to speak level with them until they have usually come back to a more balanced state of mind. Trying to manage things before they get to that point it valuable.

Like i said above, feel free to reach out if needed. There are plenty of people that would be happy to help you out. And to repeat the first sentence, don't drink or do any behaviour that encourages similar tendencies.

Sorry this is so long, this just really hits close to home for me.

[jrfox92]

Alternator on the van's dead.
Debt collector's dropping a suit on us.
Aaaand the clothes dryer suddenly died.

[Inconuucl]

The person I was doing a work project with went into labor, so now I have to do her half of the project. Worst of all is that she had planned to do it all last minute, so now I basically killed my entire weekend over this shit.

[BetterOffShred]

The person I was doing a work project with went into labor, so now I have to do her half of the project. Worst of all is that she had planned to do it all last minute, so now I basically killed my entire weekend over this shit.

The worst man. The worst.

[waltdogg]

great. apparently the hospital fucked up and missed the fact that my mom broke a rib when she fell and may have internal injuries, not just her fucked up face and teeth now. i'm absolutely beside myself right now. i literally can do nothing. i have work and tour, and live on the other side of the state. i nearly had a panic attack at work when i found this out today, thank god for benzodiazepines.

edit: awake and remembering scraping the shit out of my left arm on my workbench yesterday right in the middle of my sailor jerry tattoo which is still healing and it's now got a rough streak of missing ink. FUCK. THIS. FUCKING. WEEK/END.

[ibarakishi]

laying on the cold tile floor in the the heat of the day on your back, feeling for a moment some sort of peace cover your body for a single moment. and in that same moment, you think of one that you love and how they would like this moment too, this moment that anyone else would think is not of value or worth, the feeling, the space, the sounds, the light pouring over your closing eyes in the dark room by open front door. You think of how their eyes would slowly relax too like yours are, dark and sliding into shadows. You think of what they are doing in that same moment as you, somewhere in the world. But then you instantly realise and remember for the 1000th time that they are dead, and have been dead for more than 2 years now. But the feeling is still there, lingering... like your body expects to meet them again someday and have their body press up against yours one more time, or just feel the gravity of their body laying next to yours a few feet away... you just keep thinking how much distance there is in the world and how small you feel in that moment, how small you have always been, and how large the holes are that the things you love leave behind, or that others steal, or have stolen, or that you have thieved from others, or broken, or crashed together, or abandoned, or built, or forgotten, you just laying there watching bird shadows floating across the streams of light and all the spiderwebs shining as the breeze crawls through your broken house and geckos cry and laugh from your creaking roof........

[comesect2.0]

Woke up with a ringin in me ears that wont fuck off.

[BitchPudding]

Update: me and mrspudding had a long tearfilled talk. Once I calmed down enough to use my brain, after talking enough I realized that alot of the problems I had were due to stupid assumptions I had in my head, originally due to anxiety. While im glad we were able to work that out, it scares me that my mental shit got that bad where I was believing shit that wasnt true. I need more than weed I think.

But yea, a short car ride, a cig, and a meal for two at a diner can really do wonders when your fighting.

[John]

Update: me and mrspudding had a long tearfilled talk. Once I calmed down enough to use my brain, after talking enough I realized that alot of the problems I had were due to stupid assumptions I had in my head, originally due to anxiety. While im glad we were able to work that out, it scares me that my mental shit got that bad where I was believing shit that wasnt true. I need more than weed I think.

But yea, a short car ride, a cig, and a meal for two at a diner can really do wonders when your fighting.

Communication Is Key. As your post proves. Before you reach for any medication, try the talking cure. It's amazing how many tragedies can be averted with honest, explicit, ongoing communication. Godspeed.

[dubkitty]

last night i wore my favorite MBV t-shirt to bed, and my kitty clawed a big fucking hole in it while she was clawing around trying to get settled. it's really my fault because i know she likes to dig around, but come on, Lulu, give me a break. i'm going to have to pick out a couple of old too-big t-shirts to sleep in, because this isn't the first time she's done this.

[friendship]

setting the right tone every morning by spending an hour lying in bed talking myself into getting up and going to work.

[Inconuucl]

Coming to terms with the fact that the USPS fucking lost my Autopilot order. uuuuugh.