have you ever blown up your life



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have you ever blown up your life

Postby friendship » Mon Aug 15, 2022 12:09 pm

These last few years I've been working for the most insufferable piece of shit I've ever met in my life (and I've met some real contenders). I had been planning to quit in April 2020, but then there was a minor world event and I had to stay to keep my income and health insurance. I worked through the burnout and panic attacks and 2+ years later I'm vaccinated, the country has decided that mass plague casualties are Just Fine, and my therapist/psychiatrist have been emphasizing more and more that the job is devastating to my mental health and I'm never going to be well if I stay here.

Ideally I would have lined up another job but, despite a supposedly great market for job seekers, I haven't been getting any interviews. Like a lot of people who entered the work force in the Great Recession, I haven't had much/any job stability in my life, so voluntarily cutting off my income and health insurance is an utterly terrifying prospect. The choice feels impossible: stay employed and continue wanting to die every day, or leave and eliminate my ability to pay for shelter, food, bills, etc. But I've reached my limit with this monster and I can't do it anymore.

My lease is up in December and my landlord is 99% certain to jack up the rent. I don't have family I can move in with, but I have built up some solid emergency savings that can keep me going for a while. I have a vague idea of maybe bouncing around the country for a while, but no idea what that looks like in terms of practical, actionable plans. None of my IRL friends have been in a situation like this, but they're all supportive of me quitting, since they've heard all the horror stories about the job.

Have you ever done something like this? How did you handle it? Where did you go? What did you do?
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby goroth » Mon Aug 15, 2022 12:55 pm

I have never done something like this.

The only thing I have done is divorced myself mentally from my job, like totally compartmentalising it. And (literally) saying stuff that Michael Scott says to co-workers. This helps with shitty jobs.

In case it wasn't obvious I'm not being flippant - this is something I've actually done and found helpful. My situation was nowhere near as dire as yours though dude.
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby cantremember » Mon Aug 15, 2022 1:30 pm

I'm in the same position as you with basically everything you mentioned and it's miserable. I wish everyday that I didn't have to wake up and come into this place and be around these people. I went back to school about a year and half ago to try and get myself out of this situation and I feel like it has helped a little but also made things worse at the same time. Being in school and having that distraction is really great but there is also this feeling of doubt, like what if this is all for nothing. I'd say keep looking for something and try to find a distraction until you can get out would probably be the most responsible, adult like thing to do but it could take forever and who knows if you're leaving one shitty job for another.

I've tried to do what goroth suggested but the only issue was for me sometimes I'd talk to much shit because I can be a little emotional when I'm irritated and I'm never not irritated at work.

IDK I'm leaning towards doing what yr doing and just saying fuck it and letting everything fold out as it should. It would be a major weight lifted off yr shoulders to not have that feeling everyday.
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby K2000 » Mon Aug 15, 2022 3:22 pm

It seems to help if you're currently working, while you are looking for another job in that same field. I don't know if that's true, just my impression.

I would say keep chipping away with applications, reach out to your contacts, etc. Don't stop trying (if there are things to try) while you think it over. Some industries slow down in the summer, but of course you will know if that's the case.

Do you want to change your life in general, or just work somewhere else? What about expanding your job search nationwide, if you're willing to relocate? Do you need to exit gracefully to maintain a good relationship with your boss so they can be a reference for you in the future?

Sorry if my comments sound like platitudes. Work sucks, that's why they have to pay you to do it, as Mike Royko used to say.
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby morange » Mon Aug 15, 2022 3:26 pm

You could find a new apartment in a nearby city (or farther?), and keep your current job until you get accepted for the apartment (for income requirement purposes). Then quit. Find a new job after you move. Then you just gotta put some thought into where you'd like to move. The simple fact of planning this change-up might begin to make you feel better. Nice to be planning a better future. Hard to find a place sometimes if you're not employed. Unless maybe your credit score is really good. Place I'm about to move to counted student loans and grants as income, which got me over the income requirement.

Or right, like K2000 said, you could look for a new job, instead, and move or not move based on that change.

I moved from Tacoma to Montesano, WA. I was able to use pizza delivery job in Tacoma as employment verification even though obviously that job was done when I moved. Got a job at a podunk little shitty pizza place in Montesano, which didn't pay enough and had an obnoxious, overbearing small town owner/manager. Then worked for a while in the Safeway deli, which sucked. If you move to a small town, the available jobs are worse, but if you really want to move, you will find something where you go.
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby Velcro Bottom » Mon Aug 15, 2022 11:57 pm

I've blown it all up more than once. Never regretted it. I have regretted not doing it sooner, in a few cases.

That said, it's probably best to have at least a vague idea where second base is before you leave first. Or as an old-timer once told me, "You gotta start getting at least halfway across those damn bridges before you set fire to them, son."

A burnt bridge gives off the loveliest light, though.
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby Gone Fission » Tue Aug 16, 2022 8:04 am

I had a lower key version of that. Working for psychopaths, stuck, unhappy. I had the advantage of a partner (now spouse) who could carry me a bit. So I hatched a plan to go back for professional school that took a good chunk of time to pull off, including prep for and entrance exams and applications. Managed to keep a lid on it until giving my two week notice a month before the term started. It was a slog but it worked out well for me. Inertia wasn’t working.

Professional school set me up to do work more suitable to me. But I’ve come around to thinking that how you work and who you’re working with together are more important to the work happiness level than what you do. Doing work I love for geniuses whose genius is *not* managing other professionals or getting out of their own way, despite being pleasant enough people, can be suboptimal.
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby friendship » Tue Aug 16, 2022 10:57 am

Thanks for the input my dudes. I deeply appreciate it. :group:

After panicking, I resumed some control of my rational faculties and had some ideas. I could go back to the temp agency that had placed me at this job. The pay isn't sustainable long-term, but it would be a significant buffer against my savings--a hell of a lot more than zero, anyway. They don't offer health insurance, but maybe I could apply for Medicaid or maybe even an ACA plan (I'll have to look up what the rules are for enrolling this late in the year).

I also channeled my anxiety into three more job apps, one of which was for my city's parks dept. I love the parks, so if I get lucky that could be A Chill Situation. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it felt good not having to feign enthusiasm in the cover letter.

It's difficult to see a safe exit right now, but there's gotta be something, right?
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby Gone Fission » Tue Aug 16, 2022 12:50 pm

I can tell you, making concrete steps to get out of a toxic workplace months later made a significant difference at the time.

Also, just putting feelers out may end up working out in ways you didn’t anticipate. My last move was a sideways-ish step that wasn’t obvious—a bit more money and authority, but it changed my track a bit. I applied because I figured an interview would boost the work ego a bit, but I didn’t think it would be the right fit. But I recognized in the interview that it was and so did they and I’m very happy that doing the application on a lark lead here.
D.o.S. wrote:Broadly speaking, if we at ILF are dropping 300 bucks on a pedal it probably sounds like an SNES holocaust.
friendship wrote:death to false bleep-blop
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby Velcro Bottom » Wed Aug 17, 2022 8:06 am

Good idea not panicking, friendship.

Keep us posted.

Especially if you moon the boss.
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby MaxMaps » Wed Aug 17, 2022 11:57 am

friendship wrote:These last few years I've been working for the most insufferable piece of shit I've ever met in my life (and I've met some real contenders). I had been planning to quit in April 2020, but then there was a minor world event and I had to stay to keep my income and health insurance. I worked through the burnout and panic attacks and 2+ years later I'm vaccinated, the country has decided that mass plague casualties are Just Fine, and my therapist/psychiatrist have been emphasizing more and more that the job is devastating to my mental health and I'm never going to be well if I stay here.

Ideally I would have lined up another job but, despite a supposedly great market for job seekers, I haven't been getting any interviews. Like a lot of people who entered the work force in the Great Recession, I haven't had much/any job stability in my life, so voluntarily cutting off my income and health insurance is an utterly terrifying prospect. The choice feels impossible: stay employed and continue wanting to die every day, or leave and eliminate my ability to pay for shelter, food, bills, etc. But I've reached my limit with this monster and I can't do it anymore.

My lease is up in December and my landlord is 99% certain to jack up the rent. I don't have family I can move in with, but I have built up some solid emergency savings that can keep me going for a while. I have a vague idea of maybe bouncing around the country for a while, but no idea what that looks like in terms of practical, actionable plans. None of my IRL friends have been in a situation like this, but they're all supportive of me quitting, since they've heard all the horror stories about the job.

Have you ever done something like this? How did you handle it? Where did you go? What did you do?


Oh holy fuck I was in the same exact situation:

My job was about the same only it was a family business and I happed to be related to the owners of the company - I endured so much abuse and the work place was extremely toxic, so much so that it drove me to do / say a lot of things that I might not have done if I was in a better health. It even destroyed my relationship with music which I have spent years trying to repair - thinking back at that place makes my skin crawl.

The truth is that your more qualified than you realize, jobs like this do a huge disservice that is makes you think you can only do one thing and one thing only. I would have never dreamed of being in the situation I am now if I had not taken a leap.

If you have no ties to the area you are in there are so many spots in the US that have great markets and places that are willing to hire good workers - think of the area you want to stay in first and then look at the places in the area that might be hiring. How I left mine is that I methodically planned a date when I was GONE - and saved and positioned myself to have a few months savings so that even if I quit before my exit date I could be chill for a bit. I really thought I was going to move to a lot of different jobs but I got lucky and I am still with the company that I am for almost four years.

I also listed to Clark Howard and Dave Ramsey a lot - I got so many good tips on interviewing / job prospects / and financial information to put me in a good position.

Just take the leap - you are worth so much more than this shit job is offering and there is a whole world out there!
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby imJonWain » Thu Aug 18, 2022 7:51 pm

Not that it's a dream job but pretty much all Post office locations are hiring now. It's a solid gig if you're willing to stick around and your location doesn't have too many crazies. Also once in you can transfer any where in the US. I don't work for USPS but I have friends who do and they like it well enough.
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby Gone Fission » Thu Aug 18, 2022 8:08 pm

A lot of government jobs or on fixed salary scales that don’t respond as quickly to market conditions as private employers. Some other candidates may pass on offers because the salaries aren’t that competitive right now. (I’ve heard anecdotally but predictably that this has been more of thing than usual lately.) Feds get their cost-of-living adjustments in January every year that Hooverism isn’t in play. Look into how your state and local governments do that. If the working environment, benefits, and work-life balance are right, consider the salary as part of the package rather than the sole criterion.
D.o.S. wrote:Broadly speaking, if we at ILF are dropping 300 bucks on a pedal it probably sounds like an SNES holocaust.
friendship wrote:death to false bleep-blop
UglyCasanova wrote:brb gonna slap my dick on my stomp boxes
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby friendship » Fri Aug 19, 2022 9:05 pm

Thank you homies for lending me courage. <8 (infinity heart)

I think you're totally right Fission, what you said about how we work and who we work with being the most important part. My job before this paid very little but was a really fun environment to work in and most of the people were really cool and nice. It was frustrating financially, but I got by somehow and was a lot happier back then--or at least it seems that way to me compared to how I'm feeling now. I live pretty simply and don't have a dependent, so that's a pretty good position to be in.

Talking about it is really helping me feel less anxious. :group:
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Re: have you ever blown up your life

Postby friendship » Mon Oct 03, 2022 12:08 pm

update

On the day I had prepared to deliver my 2-week notice, I got my lease renewal offer, which is increasing by 70% lolololol, i.e. my entire paycheck. So I cannot quit until I get a new lease in December. I spent this morning researching immigrating to Panama. Everything's great everything's fine everything is awesome.
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